I have dealt with depression for so many years now, going on 5+. I’m only 18 years old. I’ve recently come upon the realization that happiness is entirely an illusion. It’s a false experience that comes from a chemical reaction within us, and this same reaction can be recreated with certain recreational drug use. therefore happiness is actually bullshit, and why should I care about continuing on in this life? Every friend I make, I end up pushing away. Every girl I meet, I end up pushing away. I’m so fucked up at this point I don’t even know if I know who I am […]
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Recreational drug use
Ever since I was fourteen or fifteen, I have had many, many fleeting periods of suicidal thoughts. They come often at times of stress. I will take a walk at night and consider throwing myself under the wheels of the passing truck. I am a rock climber, and I have tied a noose out of climbing rope and put it around my neck five times, just sitting alone. Last year I lived on the eleventh floor of my building, and considered pitching myself through the screen and out the window. I have gotten drunk and pulled a knife across my wrists, imagining what it would […]