My life is hell. Â No, I’m not your average guy, and no I’m not looking for attention. Â I’m considering suicide. Â I love my kids, so I have found a way to get through today. Â My wife is driving me insane. Â We fight.. Â dirty.. Â I say things I know hurt her she says things to hurt me, wow how human.. Â however, Â I recant my mean and thoughtless words, and back up my recant with actions. Â I show her what I said is not true. Â On good days I chase her like a school boy and his first crush.. Â I love her madly.. Â she never recants. […]
Tag:
Remorse
I decided on Nov 18, 2012, that I did not have 1 single happy day (or half day, or real significant moment of relief) that I would wait 365 days and if things had not improved (i.e., the happy moment), that I was done here, my work completed, and that I would just check out.
I have a great job, a nice family and all that “people strive” for – in fact, I feel selfish writing this post because I know full well that I am not hard done by…. but I lost the one. Not only did I lose her, but I made it happen, […]
If think if anyone KNEW the impact their suicide would have on those left behind, I honestly don’t think they would do it. They not only leave us to mourn them, feeling the pain and sorrow because they’re gone, etc. They add so much more to all that. They force upon us guilt, remorse, hatred, confusion, shame,unknowing,alone…anything and everything one could ever feel is thrown at you all at once. What they inflict goes beyond any pain or suffering one feels when a person passes due to a cause that isn’t suicide. You never recover. You can’t. Even if it seems the grief is managed, […]
Had a nasty argument with my mom today…. actually it was not an argument coz she just kept mum most of the time…. i am frustrated and i took it all out on her… i know i should not have done it…. i feel guilty… but guilt and remorse after the damage is done is such a waste of time… if there is another hell, i should be condemned to it for all eternity for being such an ungrateful person.
I wish i could fast forward my life to the very last hour and just die… without being able to look back and see what a […]
I read a lot of people who have multiple suicide attempts, I don’t judge but I do feel genuine remorse. I think im different in that ive had one attempt which was nearly successful and had a shotgun as backup but when it was cocked and pointed I said “it don’t feel right yet”. this was Halloween night 4 years ago, my thoughts have not changed I still want to not be alive for as long as I remember (I don’t want to die, just prefer it over living) ive had happiness but still felt this way all except for a few months my girlfriend […]
I feel…. weird. Almost as if all feeling has been sucked away now. I fake my laughs. My tears just don’t come anymore. When I get hurt, I immediately want to hurt that person back. They put holes in my plan, so I’m going to make them crash and burn. I’m driven by what seems to be revenge, but on what? I can’t figure it out. I only see one way out. Not suicide. Not hurting myself. Trying to get revenge on everything that hurts me. I’ll hurt them back. Apex predators kill without remorse. Humans are Apex predators. I am an Apex predator. Cross […]
I feel myself slipping away. I feel my cares, my concerns, my passions and my obligations no longer have any meaning. I want the end. I want the peace and serenity that comes with it. I feel no remorse for those that will. I feel only the burden of my choices crashing down on me. I feel the stare from the eyes of the woman I love. I feel their sadness, I feel their anger, I feel their doubt and, finally, I feel their relief. I wish I could have been more. I wish I could have lived up to expectations. I wish the one […]
We are the future of us all
we are the generation who is destined to fall
we are the present’s invokable call
we can’t be heard through the last generations wall
we destroy ourselves without remorse
we set sail on an unchangeable course
our parents have made us who we are
they have locked us up behind concrete and bar
suicide and drugs seem our only escape
we all go out with chalk lines and yellow tape
all victims of depression and anger
some are popular some the more stranger
we all grow up whether we want to or not
because […]
I feel like I’m slowly going crazy. I’m not sure how to explain it, but my mind feels different. I look at things differently. I don’t feel the urge to hurt anyone, not yet, but I feel like everyone would be better off.. gone. Sometimes, in public, I become so engulfed in my thoughts that I don’t notice the people around me. I try talking to close friends and my girlfriend about it, but no one seems to take me seriously. I have these dreams.. I’m walking down a street and it’s like the world is in my hands. It’s revolving around me and I’m […]
I am a 31yo male, clinically diagnosed (smoke and mirrors) as having major depressioen when I was five. I’ve seen therapists and counselors for years and currently i’m seeing one for an hour each week. It does nothing. When I was younger, all I wanted was to grow up. I thought that if I were an adult, kids wouldn’t make fun of me.. i’d have a respectable job. A wife.
Nothing can be further from the truth. I’m a 31yo loser who is forced to live in his parents basement after having been dumped by his girlfriend of 8 years for a woman. I have no […]
Walking through the halls
Glancing only at profiles
Never look em in the eyes
So why do I even own a mobile?
If anyone ever got to know me
They’d know im not such a bad guy
Im just like everyone else homie
Except, oh yeah, I wanna die
Is that was this is all about?
You people feeling weird?
You getting a tingling in your tummy
And an ichin in your beard?
Well don’t worry that’s normal.
Just not for someone who was built.
Like you.
My friend, that not-so-friendly feeling is guilt.
It’s true.
Now I can name names
And I can point fingers all day
But that […]
It has been a year and a half since i have seen your smiling faces.
why did i let it come to this. i have nothing but remorse for not being there to see yall grow and learn. there is so much i have and will miss. Being here is not the same without yall. i regret the days i should have cherished, for i will never have them back. Love dont live here anymore, Its been cold since you went away. Im sorry for what is to come, ill always love you. There is no place in this world for me. just remember how i […]
I, like many other people, am a “lucky” person.
I have a great family, everything I could want and more, many friends who are supportive of me, and a good life in general.
Yet, all the while, I feel this emptiness inside me where emotions should be. Whenever I feel “happy”, it’s more close to feeling something close to happiness, almost like its shadow. If emotions were people, they would come knocking on the door of my heart, then before I can open the door and let it in, it leaves, making me feel something ALMOST like emotions.
Am I becoming heartless? Unable to feel any […]
A stranger hides behind my face,
Someone which no one sees.
A broken soul,
imprisoned by remorse,
longing to be set free.
A stranger walks on by your home,
unnoticed by your eye,
You think its me, when it’s not,
My faces’ clever lie,
Chained to darkness,
but not by choice,
Punishment befitting my sins,
Regret and bitter judgement,
ever closing in.
It steals my name,
It wears my clothes,
this stranger,
that everyone knows.
People toss around words like “hate” and “love” pretty often and yet they don’t know what either truly feels like. I thought I knew what hate was at one point, but I got over it and let it go. Then I met someone who caused me the most pain I’ve ever felt in my life. There hasn’t been a day in all these years I haven’t thought of that person, I dream about them, I think about them often enough when I wake up, during the day, and especially at night. Sometimes I picture resolving things with them but that’s extremely rare and not possible […]
I’ve never felt more alone than I do now. Some days, including this one, I think I’m bi-polar. I’ve never been officially diagnosed, but it wouldn’t amaze me if I was. I repel people more than I compel any form of welcome, probably because of the anger I constantly wear on my sleeves, or my lifeless stare that can become intimidating once I move my eye brows in the right, or perhaps, the wrong direction. These eyes of mine can look just as puzzled as anyone else pondering why I look so angry and full of disgust all the time. […]
The idea of killing myself is becoming more and more frequent, the plans, the ideas, the notes.. I have written so many of them.
If only she could see that I am suffering without her.. That I am lost, hopeless.. alone. Life seems so meaningless, so insignificant. My mind has sunk deep into an abyss of sadness and sorrow. I don’t know how much more I can take.
She was my world. Yet she left me.. Left me with no explanation. As time passed I worked it out. She left me for someone else. Someone I have know since I was a kid, initially I […]
So lonely but apparently having emotions is wrong is since I am a guy. It’s really just depressing how the world looks at my situation. Basically I’m a wuss for crying even though I have perfectly good reason to. Â Wanting to hug and kiss someone makes me needy although isn’t that one of the key thing man walks the Earth? To find love and acceptance? I was put in a crisis center aka mental hospital for people my age and you would think I would hate being there. If I can tell you this I love being in there. Sure the beds are hard to […]
…You would think that my heart would stop allowing them in. You would think that my brain would stop being a pushover and finally tell my heart what to do. You would think that my heart had become so callous and cold from the way that I was treated, but it is not. I’ve been able to shoot and kill people and flinch not. I’ve been able to bloody a face beyond recognition and not feel an ounce of remorse…You would think I was cold…but yet, I allow myself to love again, care again. Repaving the painful path of cutting and suicidal thoughts taking the chance […]
This post isn’t about me dying, that is for a little bit later today. No, this is about how i have now lost my second reletive to death in 3 weeks and i have to go to the latest one’s funeral on monday if i am alive. Â yet i feel no remorse or saddness. only loathing for them… what does that make me???
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