Why is it so painful to let go and be free? Past times are deep, festering wounds, poisoning my soul and dragging me down. I’m stuck here, trying to figure out how to fix what I did not break. I want to breathe, to shine, to be myself for the first time in my life, but anger and resentment define me. I am trapped inside the twisted cage of my own rancid emotions, time and again forgiving and forgetting only to end up right back where I started…
Life is a cruel, endless joke.
In high school I would rarely if ever challenge mistaken or erroneous assumptions or allegations of authority figures, feeling timid toward the discomfort of conflict. I had recorded and would hold onto relatively trivial incidents that should have been forgotten the following day. My youth, and later, young adulthood, were spent with intense frustration characterized by potential unable to be developed, holding increasing resentment and bitterness to past wrongs that went unresolved. Lesson: Learn from misfortune, failures, and injustices. Don’t dwell on them, try to see the positive, try to learn something, see how to handle similar situations in the future, and move on. Much […]
I hate every second I spend in this hell hole that’s supposed to be my home. I hate looking at my dad, every time I do I feel this surge of resentment. Im tired of being that bastard’s punching bag, the fuck up to blame when things go wrong, the one who’s talents are ignored. I’ve never cut before but tonight I really want to. Everything that’s important to me is ignored, the only thing that gets me noticed is when I get pissed off and snappy, then they yell at me and I’m left crying, trying hard to explain. No one understands, they can’t […]
What if I didn’t exist? Would the world be a better place? Or would it feel any less different. I ache with pain that no one seems to understand. I speak softly but people listen loudly. I do not want this for myself but it seems I cannot shake it. I cannot shake the demons off. I am lost and in search of an imaginary peace. What people don’t realize is that I am not as strong as I seem. I used to be, at least I used to portray it better. I am now weak, the weak never prosper. I sought help from a […]
It’s incredible to think that I have to stop here. But the pain is overwhelming. I am afraid of being alone. Too afraid. I have no family. I was abandoned by my parents when I was 6 and I never saw them again. Right now I have a GF who abuses me psychologically, she is a drug addict who cheats on me and I cannot leave her because I am too scared of being alone. Loneliness is my handicap and I can’t take it anymore. I have no self respect to say NO and way too much resentment towards her to be able to solve […]
My name is Emily and this is my story. July 29,2011, 3 month anniversary with my boyfriend Ian. My best friends Mia, Maria, & planned to go to a Rangewide and meet our boyfriends there to hang out. We went, our boyfriends never showed up. No big deal, girl time. Well, the dance got boring and I told Mia and Maria I was gonna go hang out with Ian. I told them to call me later to meet up again. I got to my boyfriends house to find him very drunk, his brother had a party. I put him to bed and we cuddled and […]
how do you convey to someone that it isn’t their fault, but they are the reason?
how do you tell someone not to blame themselves for your death, but if they would have only listened and been there, then so too would you still be there?
is it possible at all to leave them with the full understanding that while you did not go with anger or resentment for them and their inaction… you still chose to die because they chose to leave you?
i am having trouble writing my final letters, and if anyone has any thoughts on how to properly express the above sentiments i would […]
i had been living alone for 6 years until i got a dui awhile back, which snapped the thin monetary thread id been hanging by, so i had to move in with my mom..i’m almost 30 and i am very lonely. im very short and not particularly good looking so im unable to attract a mate. and presently relized by being short, ugly, broke and living at home as well as kinda old and less experienced , that its very likely ill never meet anbody and be alone all my life(having a family was a big desire of mine). id been on many dating sites for […]
So, I really am not sure what to start with except obviously I feel like something is very wrong or I wouldn’t be on here and I don’t want to here “you’ll be fine.” Thoughts of killing myself have been increasing over the last year or so after a bad breakup with long term girlfriend which involved an abortion that wasn’t mutually desired and ended in months of resentment and mistreatment of each other. I still love her.
I’ve broken up with girls, it hurts, but these feelings are lasting far too long. It confuses me because there should be no reason for me to […]
im still feeling ugly having an std. it makes me more depressed knowing i have it for the rest of my pathetic life.. im 21 and i cant think of the fact that i wont have a love life. and i hate bein gay and full of resentment . but i only like being a bottomm,… and thats where i have the virus. it suckss. i wanna fucking die if love wont be part of my life.
I thought I knew my husband, but it’s clear I don’t have a freaking clue who he is. We’ve been together 10 years, married 9 and I don’t know this man. He’s been keeping secrets, and I think probably has from the beginning.
A bit of background, mainly for me…I’m trying to makes sense of nonsense. He’s from Nigeria, a doctor, I’m white from the US and a nurse. We got set up on a blind date. Married 5 months later. Me stupidly thinking he loved me. Almost immediately he takes a trip to Nigeria, for over a month, over the next 4 years he probably […]
Hi, anybody who reads this
It’s time to end this. I perhaps just want to share with someone out there something of the story of my life so that I know that I’ve perhaps got it out to someone.
Born in 1981 to a couple who perhaps should never have been – one good-looking, intelligent but obviously mentally unhealthy, the other with a physical (skin) ‘deformity’ rendering her unattractive to most – but together they came, and through whom three other lives came into this world (one, the last one – my younger sister – apparently ‘not planned for’ (seems absurd that _I_ was actually ‘planned […]
I am depressed and sad and I’ve tried everything, and I don’t think I can go on. I have tried meds, therapy, doctors, yoga, everything. i get thirty seconds of peace each morning immediately after I wake. Then it’s like someone turns on the radio in my head and it’s a constant rant of hopelessness and hurt.Â
One of the frustrating parts is hardly anybody knows the truth, and I have nobody to talk to. My dad was a world champion sales rep because he was a true expert in how to make people feel good and feel comfortable. He was born with the touch. I learned it from him. I am also an expert at […]
I’m sure many posts have started the same way mine will; I’ve never written a post before in my life. But things have escalated to the point where I have to say this somewhere…..anywhere. And this seems as good a place as any.
I was married at 18, got pregnant on my honeymoon, so had my first child by the time I was 19. My husband and I had known eachother since I was 13 and he was 15. We were the best of friends until things started changing when I was 16, and we fell in love.
I honestly believed my life was set. We had […]
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