I am so fucking DONE. I want to die.. well I don’t want to die, but I want this pain to go away. I want the constant numbness, guilt, sadness, and every other emotion to stop. I want these voices to go away and leave my head. I want my father to actually love me! Hell I want my family to actually love me! All they do is tell me that I’m a waste of time, money, and space. They don’t support me. They don’t encourage me to live my dream. They don’t encourage me to get involved with my church, instead they act like […]
Ive struggled with depression and anxiety for four years now. I know of people who have had to fight their battle for way longer than that. My friends and the people on the internet say that recovery is possible. They say hold on to hope, look at the brighter side of life, think about your future. What happens when i do all that and more, but still want to die? Even at my happiest, i have that gnawing feeling of hatred for life in the back of my head. I know suicide shouldnt be an option. I know i have a lot to live for. […]
Dear Jackie,
You know I love you. I love you with all my heart. I’m so proud of you, and congratulations on having your baby last night. She is beautiful. I remember the fights we used to have, and coming home being scared out of my mind by you. I remember the countless times that you were thrown out of the house. Thank you for being my role model. Thank you for watching all of those gory, bloody, violent, rated R movies with my when I was six. Thank you for letting your friend come into my room to molest me wen I was little. I […]
Do you have someone you know personally, or a role model/possible celebrity figure whose suicide or death you admire? Sometimes, I think of the deaths of others to help build up courage in the fact they could go through with it. You could either be inspired by the method itself or the components of their life surrounding the death.
For example: I often think of Gary Stewart who was a 70’s country singer from where I live. He had some good hits in his day, reaching the top of the […]
almost every day now, i think about suicide. when i shower, i black out, grab something sharp and just start cutting. i don’t really know why i’m doing it other than my list of disorders. i haven’t cut since 7th grade. i’m in high school now and i started again about a week ago. whether i’m depressed or not when it happens, i do it anyways. everyone except my family can see, i don’t care.. but i just like looking at them. not because i think they look cool or make me cool, it just makes me feel better to know that i tried fighting […]
I really think I am a loser.
I’m almost 25, living in a tiny room in my parents’ place. I know they think I’m a drag and a burden. I should have worked harder in college and not gotten kicked out. I just didn’t give a damn about my classes and I should’ve just argued it out and changed majors, but I didn’t and I flunked a third time. Three strikes right?
XXX
Working part-time at a pretty thankless job, but they’re all thankless. The only full-time employees are managers, of which there are 5 as oppossed to 7 employees. That seems pretty out of whack to me.
I’m […]
I’m sitting here now, at work, behind the desk at my own dance studio. im surronded by kids that i know and that im friends with, and there are parents all over the place. they look at me and talk to me and all they see is my outer shell.. they have NO idea whats really going on inside my fucked up head. None of them know about my previous eating disorders, my cutting, my drinking and smoking to escape reality. they know little things that happened, only because the problems were made public. other than that, they think that i am all put together. […]
Latest news from me.Â
Sumer the Moron
Sumer is back and I wish I could visit him and rip his arms and tongue out. Posting nudes on a site to help alleviate peoples problems caused by rape, abuse, and many other mishaps of life. That’s messed up. I just wonder, is it true that he’s insane? He’s smart, but also stupid. He’s a troll and an idiot. Even I’m not that far gone. I understand his mistrust of America, but attacking the weak? That’s just shitty man. We go here to cope, not to learn about washing machines and nudist colonies. (sad to say, I had “researched” […]
My entire life seems cursed with pain, unfairness and shortcomings. My dad died when I was 14 and my grandparents were dead before I was born. My mom has tried hard to raise me right but she had to work 2 jobs my entire childhood and spent most of her free time with her boyfriend away from our home. In a nutshell I had to teach myself everything without much of a role model. During high school I turned to drinking beer and during my senior year I averaged an 18 pack of beer per night. My grades failed miserably and I never really had […]
Here I am. In bed. Listening to music. Hoping I get some thought I can keep going on with that hopefully doesn’t involve incest, joining the Army, or anything else that may cause an argument. I just don’t need to argue, I’m ignorant. I just don’t feel that it’s worth it.
I feel bad that my cousin is using me as a role model and I’m in love with her, yet she allows me to remind her constantly and she seems willing to do as I please. I understand I shouldn’t take advantage. I’m merely dwelling on it, no need to talk about that.
I […]
I just lost my best friend. How do i feel? Well, it didn’t hit me until i screamed i fucking hate you as i slammed the door and started to walk to my house. That was my person. The person who would listen to me cry all night about a boy and try to help me. The person who defended me when she didn’t have to. I just hurt that person. So bad, i could see the water start to feel her eyes when i told her she never gave a damn about anyone but herself. She doesn’t cry too much, that’s how i knew i […]