fourth grade and things didnt get better. People didnt really talk to me and if they did, they never had anything nice to say to me.I constantly got called names; Fatty, little miss piggy, worm (because i had my hair braided and they looked like little worms), four eyes, book worm, slob, ugly etc. I became very drawn back and I started to write poetry. My first poem was called no one cares about me. its a self explanatory poem. the names got to me. they weighted on my heart so much. I became bitter towards the world. I started to get a really bad attitude. I fought back […]
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Rope Around My Neck
I wish I could restart like a video game. Start over new so I could do everything differently. Every time I turn on my iPod every song I listen to has memories attached to them. I don’t want these memories any more.
I just want to forget the past and let go of this pain. This pain is like a rope that won’t hang me, instead it holds me back, stopping me from moving on.
I just want to let go of the past. The memories. The pain they cause.
I just want to move past this.
I don’t care how I do it, weather it’s with […]
The doctors just gave me the diagnose schizophrenia. Actually I have suffered from it from since I was 12. I am 19 now.
It makes me sad, becourse I know that it will never go away, and I have to take pills for the rest of my life, and the bad periods will still be here to torment me.
I have found a rope, and have managed myself to tie a hangmans knot on it. Now the big step is to step up on the stool, tie the rope to the waterpipe under the ceiling, put the noose around my thin neck, and kick away the stool. […]
5 Years ago today is when I tried to ctb. I was 16.
The events around it that triggered it, I admit, were bullshit but my reasoning behind it was not.
I got home from school. the bullshit that happened was that I thought I lost a friend, someone I loved, due to some stupid shit that happened that I thought was my fault. I blamed myself for everything back then. That’s what triggered it. My reason behind wanting to die is that I saw myself as a worthless person who could never do anything right and would never amount to anything in life. I […]
So lonely but apparently having emotions is wrong is since I am a guy. It’s really just depressing how the world looks at my situation. Basically I’m a wuss for crying even though I have perfectly good reason to. Â Wanting to hug and kiss someone makes me needy although isn’t that one of the key thing man walks the Earth? To find love and acceptance? I was put in a crisis center aka mental hospital for people my age and you would think I would hate being there. If I can tell you this I love being in there. Sure the beds are hard to […]