Vincent Willem van Gogh – July 29, 1890
https://www.vincentvangogh.org
http://www.vggallery.com/painting/p_0612.htm
http://www.vggallery.com/painting/p_0779.htm
A good song that is. It’s been a while since last I was here. A shit load has happened… I tried to resolve my issues, I’ve tried to resolve that I have to push through life. I refuse to believe this is a fucking disease. The only disease on this planet that doesn’t rot your flesh is humanity itself if I can cut past the idea that I’m talking about you, the reader.
I know I can’t kill myself… not myself anyhow. I’m too much of a coward and all of my attempts have just been those of a coward. So I can’t do that.
Right now […]
Please I ask of thee, but listen to me and tell me ,if Iam mad. Life around us is in toil and pain ,sleep is short. Leaving me alone, to pounder the ifs and what’s ,where and why. when is my mine ever  going to see peace in my waking day . Was I born this way? to walk amuck the stranger an imperfect human. Mocking my way, and wondering. who is that strange person.  Nor do I look and ask the same, from my point of view. Long Days and Nights have past.  has it gone ,what is it that I am supposed to […]
Faking it.
From the outside I have it all. Unfortunately my mind is plagued with trauma, depression, and intense anxiety… leaving me in an existential haze in order to cope; I am merely going through the motions. I used my looks and my body to get through college and thought I would regain my sanity afterwards, but thats not the case. I now have a useless degree, too many therapists, lost a soul mate, and a mind that won’t cease come nightfall. I […]
Dear Readers.
Wow, that sounds weird for some one as new as me, because i tend to not gain attention, Internet-wise or not, but thats besides the point. I am a 13 year old girl, nothing special, and to be honest, i’m not that serious of a case, compared to other people, But what my problem is that i suffer from my negative emotions, and i do mean it quiet  literally. Let me try to clear this up for you. For example, lets assume that you and i used to be really close, but then our relationship… fails. Like i wasn’t as great as a friend then you […]
The worst fear in my life is not that i will lead a lonely life but that the loneliness will drive me insane.
Even when I am in the midst of a huge crowd, a familiar crowd of friends and relatives, that feeling of loneliness creeps in and sometimes pushes me into that unholy pool of madness… where the first impulse is to hide from everyone, the second is a strong desire to run away from everything and everyone,and then i get caught up in a feeling of despair… at how helpless and useless i am and then the doubts about why i am here to […]
I saw my mum for the first time in a few weeks today. She turned to me and said all she has in the world is me, my brother and her husband, but that I was her rock. She’s been going through her own trouble, battling her own demons for a long time. Little did she know her rock was crying down the phone to the Samaritans last night, that I was crying down the phone just to feel something. How can I ever tell her that I want to die? How can I tell her that every day I smash up my sanity just […]
Again, it’s me.
I figure I should do a re-cap just so no one gets lost.
My father abandoned my mother and I when I was five months old.
My mother met a new guy when I was four and I caught them having sex. Since that night, she made me watch and take part in sexual activities.
My mother moved me twelve hours away from my last piece of sanity and put me through hell with that new guy.
When I was eight my mother and I were out of a house so she shipped me off to my fathers.
While living with my […]
I can feel my heart slowly beating the same slow pulse,
But my mind is breaking apart and starting to convulse,
As I try to not think about the destruction before my eyes,
Another day gone down the drain in the life that I despise,
A quiet bum bum, bum bum, goes on inside my chest,
I still have a heartbeat but it’s very faint,
Meager at the very best,
Back to my brain,
It is turning off,
Shutting down from all my pain,
The drugs, the cuts, the suicide,
My eternal cloud of rain,
I’ve been counseled and hospitalized to no avail,
Every treatment sought has failed,
Hope is scarce and failure is often,
I wish they would just put me […]
Haven’t been on this site for awhile. I was hoping not to come back, but I guess it was unavoidable.
I have a wife, a kid, a car, a mortgage. My wife has dreams. Wife makes twice as much as I do, and I am constantly between jobs. I have no dreams or hopes. I am trying really hard to hold on to my sanity and my job (as both a father and employee) but it is not working anymore and I am tired. I want to get the hell out of here.
I know very well that if I kill myself or divorce, I will destroy […]
I have always wished
not to end up like this.
Alone, drinking away my life,
my sanity at the edge of a knife.
My mom went through this,
for far better reasons than I.
And then she O. D. ‘d.
Am I destined to die?
To pity myself when so many suffer,
is the prison I’ve made, like no other.
I drink to drink, and smoke to forget,
this life I live is full of regret.
Do with life what you can,
as you play with only one hand.
Say and feel what you please,
Heed my words and win with ease.
Sometimes I wake up, lay in bed and just think I want to die then spend the next couple of hours thinking about how to do so. Sometimes I wake up and feel a little hope. And sometimes I wake up and I can’t help but think of last nights nightmare. My dreams are so uncomfortable and horribly vivid. They’re so vivid that I think about my dreams through out the whole day because they’re so uncomfortably real that I feel like it happened… Anyways throughout the whole day I’m just an emotional roller coaster I’m fine, I’m sad, I’m crazy, I’m hopeful (this is […]
My mom is such a fucking *****, I’ve had it up to here!! I can’t stand her shit any fucking more, last week on Thursday, she fucking ruined my plans because one Wednesday she thought I was going to beat up my sister because I complained about her touching my things. She made this HUGE scene on the phone, in the party she was in and at home. She is fucking STUPID, all she fucking does is think lowly of me and I’ve had ENOUGH. So on Thursday, she RUINED my plans because  she says I MISBEHAVED on Wednesday, so I got SUPER FUCKING PISSED, […]
For so long…. My life has been one giant fuck up. I wont lie, Ive done a lot of bad things in my life. But thats not why I want my life to end…. A few years ago I lost my closest friend in the world. No, He didnt die… I suppose its best to start this story from the beginning. Please forgive me for my poor grammar and punctuation.
From the third week I was born, I had my friend Quinn. He was like a brother to me, He never dodged my questions when I was down and needing advice. He talked me out of […]
I’m stuck in place. People rush past me in a blur and no matter how hard i try, i can’t seem to catch up to them. The weight of my life is crushing me, stealing my breath and taking with it my sanity. Every day I have to adjust my face so that i  blend in with the world around me. Hide the fear and desperation from my eyes, and pretend to feel normal. Why am i doing this? Why can’t I turn off these thoughts and feelings that make me shrink back into myself. I am not this person. This timid, emotional, angery person. I […]
Hey. I’m 14, a freshman, and a survivor. I wanna share my story.
November 28, 2012. This is the day I swallowed 29 Prozac. This is the day I felt so alone, like always, but like I didn’t even deserve to breathe. I felt like I didn’t deserve anything. I was nothing. Worthless. A nobody. I’d lost everything. My mom. My bestfriend. My sanity. And someone took my innocence.
Two days earlier Nov. 26, 2012 I went to hangout with my bestfriend. He was 17. Yes I’m a girl. Yes he’s a boy. Yes we were bestfriends. We’d been that way for a long […]
My proposed Note or “willâ€
(If you don’t give a fuck [as I suspect you don’t] and just want to get to the will skip the paragraphs and go to the bolded text.)
I killed myself because I can’t make heads or tails of life. My luck is almost always bad, and I am tired of hardship. Like many who have been in this place I have contemplated, and while the one’s full of vigor and self-righteousness say to live is the hardest, that isn’t true. It’s taken me a lot of research and commitment to die. Staying alive was not because I chose to do the […]
I hate you, you fucked up and lost it all. Get out of my head. Stop reminding me daily….your mom doesn’t want you back. You’ve lost your family. Your fucked. You can’t fix it. Help me. I want to but I don’t. Anybody. Talk to me. . I fucking hate you you stupid *****, look what you did. I’m sorry. I never thought it would turn out like this. It did. Now look at you, sitting here while it eats you alive while your not even fighting back. How can I try when it’s overpowered me? Nobody’s gonna fucking listen anyway, they say they will […]
last night in a desperate attempt at grasping what was left of my sanity i wrote another poem. I have not written in weeks which i find rather ironic because my screen name is the faceless poet. Last night in my desperation i came to an abrupt realization… No one gives a damn. I could write all the poems in the world and my status in life still will not change. Sure it is a way to vent, but maybe just for one day out of the rest of my life i would rather be content with the outcome of my day rather than having […]
i can feel myself gaining weight
i can feel the escalating urges to self mutilate
i can feel the loss of sanity
of minor happiness
i feel the pain that shouldn’t exist
i’m weak
too weak to kill myself
but too weak to give no fucks and live
this aching is tearing at my wounds
these thoughts drowning me
i’m suffocating by the sorrow that surrounds me
alone i’m feeling all of this
yet, alone, i feel nothing
… because i’m worthless.
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