Saturday i cut myself just to stop myself from doing anything stupid. I just want to be happy. Killing myself scares thr shit outof me

Hi
I would really like to share my story with you all.
I first took my first od at fourteen, 40 parecetomol. Was very sick as you can imagine.
my story goes. my mother abondoned me at 18 mths old, yet went on to have more children. I became so insecure as then my dad remarried to a hag, who constantly abused me, physically with mostly a potatoe masher and throwing me down stairs, I