Well after years of social isolation suicidal depression and stress the chickens are finally coming home to roost. I no longer have the will to live and spend half the day in bed. I am on antipsychotic medication and am due a hospital assessment to determine whether I need hospitalizing. As a loser and social misfit I need a miracle to get out of this trap. Suicide is of course so final and hard to face but I feel is my only option as my life has become sheer agony. My only tears are for those I’ll leave behind. No one can help me, no […]
Hey everyone,
My story might not be important to most,but I’m writing this because I wanted to.I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar 2 disorder & Social Anxiety disorder for about 5 years now.Been hospitalized 2 times for suicidal ideation ,but as you can tell those weren’t really effective in helping me.Nearing Graduation now,I’m not really excited looking forward my future & such.I actually see my death kinda relatively close now that I think about it.Either it’s the nihilistic apathy that is slowly killing me or the reality check that is the real world.
For me,I’m naturally a cynical,misanthropic,and pessimistic person.That itself does contradict with my personality type which is ISFJ ironically.Ultimately I […]
You know I can’t do this on my own Who will fix me now ? Dive in when I’m down save me from my self don’t let me drown
I hate April.
Someone please, beat me till I’m numb. Strangle me… Fucking shatter every bone in my body…
I can feel the pain. The memories flooding my head all at once. I overthink things but this is too much. My thoughts are racing. It feels like last year… Last year’s events are slowly playing out in my head…
I still remember what happened on each day of April. From the first till the 30th. I fucking hate this.
Someone please save me from myself!!!
What does it take to be ‘normal’? What is it like? How do you process things? What is it like to be happy?
I used to go by the quote,
“Love yourself and the rest will fall into place.”
-Melina.
That kept me going off and on for years. That’s why I got it tattooed on me.
Now I can’t even concept how to love myself. The usual;
I’m pretty.
I’m kind.
Caring.
I have a big heart.
What ever. I still […]
Holy fuck, where to start.
Today was weird. I just kind of went with it. I didn’t imagine that anything like today would happen ever again. You’re so much different than the last time. Each time I see you, you change a little bi more. You’re, different.
I can feel the positivity burst from you. Holy shit, overwhelming. We barely spoke but It wasn’t needed. We caught up with each other today. I hope that I don’t affect anything for you again. But I can’t promise something that I don’t know if I can keep.
You look a lot better than before, healthier. You present yourself totally different. […]
so over the last new months iv been working on a song about how I feel being depressed suicidal still needs work but il share the first couple lines with u guys
– I keep trying to fill that fucking void inside it feels like life is just passing me by looking in the mirror iv totally lost who I am the cuts relieve the pressure can you save me from myself
alone and depressed anxiety stressed I’m hanging on for dear life but I dont see the reason why iv been thinking dose God really exist cause this is bull shit this is hell in living […]
I’m standing on the edge I stumble I fall in
I’m falling into nothing I’m screaming im calling
it feels like I’m drowning man I can’t breath
can someone save me from myself please
it could be sunny outside but it’s raining over me
downward spiral walking corpse virus Im slowly dying in silence
And I’m it’s host to entertain wile it flourishes from my pain
and stuck in this hole
i remain
I just saw an ex-colleague I have a thing for for the first time in three months. Kind of weirded me out, because a) I thought she’d moved hundreds of miles away, and b) it was the first time I’ve left the house in a week. I find myself thinking about her often, (which is sad and pathetic for so many reasons), and then there she suddenly is.
I didn’t talk to her or anything – didn’t even catch her eye. Had the weird feeling of simultaneously dreading her noticing me, or saying anything – because of my extreme social awkwardness – whilst longing for her to […]
Just having one of them days what’s the point ? What’s the purpose for being here what is the meaning of life the only thing promised is death right
I watch this film called wrist cutters the other night it’s about a guy who commits suicide but going to a place the same as earth but he’s just in a worster off depressed working a dead beat job searching for he lover etc
I believe that we have lessions to learn in this life and they keep repeating them self till we learn them but how can we learn something if we don’t know what it is […]
My birthday is coming up, and it’s coming up fast. I’m so scared for it to become another sufferable day for me. Im doing my senior project on that day and let me tell you… It’s hellish days full of utter loneliness. I’m not even exaggerating it. Nobody talks to me, my old friends mooch all over my sister and never intend on talking to me. They will look at me and not even acknowledge my very existence. It rips my heart in two.. I would not go to it.. If my parents weren’t so strict about it.. I got all my hours everything done! […]
So this last month has been ok. I’ve been doing decently well. I haven’t cut, though I’ve had the urge a few times. I lost myself in a book series so that helped get out of my own head for a while. And right now I’m dealing with normal problems like trying to get a guy to ask me out and not failing my classes. But the thoughts never go away, I doubt they ever will. The thoughts that help me spiral down. The ones that make me hate myself and want to kill myself. I still have my ultimatum for the end of the […]
Yup, just what the title says. I’ve started numbing myself with alcohol and how spend more time intoxicated than not. The upside is that settling into an alcoholic reality seems to save me from my addiction of suicidal ideation. I dunno, one seems safer than the other as long as I’m not driving.
I keep trying to fill that void inside
it feel like life is just passing by
looking in the mirror iv totally lost who I am the cuts relieve the pressure
can you save me from my self
I’m never going to be the same, it’s still here in my head and it’s not going away. The voice in my head.
He’s me but not me, how do you describe yourself when you don’t even know who you are anymore. He knows me better than anyone else, better than my parents ever will, better than my “friends” ever will. I don’t think even she can save me anymore. It’s been too long.
I wanted to go to college, I wanted to go to university to study maths. Now I can’t hardly do a sum without thinking about her, or what I’ve done since, what I’m […]
“I’m drowning
Suffocating
Being crushed
So deep
Alone………So empty
It’s dark
I’m scared
I’m sinking
Will I die if I touch the bottom?
I’m drowning
I fear
dying this way
but the surface is so far above
how much strength do i have left?
Can I reach it?
Is that heaven?
or is it just a breathe of fresh air
before my heart gives out
and i sink back
into the sea
save me
Is there anyone out there?
But who can hear the cries
of a man with no voice
for i am in the depths
and my voice lies far above
will someone […]
Not sure what to write…..so I am just gonna write. No editing, no revisions.
Didn’t think it possible that it would hurt this bad.
I hung everything on the line, sacrificed it all….and have nothing to show for it….
I guess the one thing I always really wanted was a woman to save me. Save me from myself…..
Now here I am where I started, and in worse shape. I would give everything to go back in time and do it all over again…..to relive the happy moments. To change the way things ended up
But that can’t happen. Life does not work like that….
I […]
At this new job at my brother’s company, anxiety is always flaring up and up. Meeting clients is so much of a struggle because I try to leave my social anxiety and depression at home. My brother keeps on telling about the Lord and how he’ll save me et cetera
I just feel like I don’t belong and wasn’t meant to be in the first place. I can’t function like a normal human being. The boredom and repetitive mundanities of everyday life just render me powerless. Lack of confidence in self, in the world. I am generally fucked to the 100th degree.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
i am lost in this physicial world of existance and not even jesus can save me because i dont need spuritual ..I am worthless at least that’s what they have told me…living homeless on and off for twenty five yrs isn’t fun and am quite sick of it now… shattered both my legs in Oct 6th of 2000…left me a gimp..and no one is willing to help a poor homeless gimp out…I am a cowered I can’t even take my own life I am ashamed at who I’ve become lost my mom at the age of fifteen…brother abused me when I was ninenine,ten, and eleven…father and […]
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