Trying to kill myself was the best thing that could’ve happened. Because if I hadn’t tried to and if I hadn’t failed, I wouldn’t feel the urge to change how I felt and I wouldn’t have gone to Four Winds. It was tricky, I had just enough of the Nortatryptaline to go into coma but I just ended sleeping for a straight 48 hours. I then didn’t leave my house for an entire week and was drinking so much, I decided physical pain would have been the answer to everything. I cut the word help into my arm and cried myself to sleep that night. […]
Tag:
Scenarios
I’m a 21 year old male and i have enough of life trying to punish me.
Over the years i have been the subject of divorces, constantly being physically and verbally abused (both at school and at home), but these last few years have been the hardest. Recently i have broken up from my only relationship i have chosen to be in (3 years ago), been  diagnosed with severe depression,  Avoidance Personality Disorder (AvPD), numerous life-threatening medical conditions, family deaths, and being alone. I now know that being alone is the worst thing that could happen to anyone, however due to my inability to communicate to […]
i’m the type of person who hesitates to kill myself because i still have faith that maybe something good can happen. so i make a little agreement with myself; if nothing happens, if i’m not ever happy, within 2-3 months, i will die. every time i’ve done this i’ve met a wonderful person who seemed to be capable of being a good enough friend to make me decide to live an extra 3 or so months.
now that i’m with my girlfriend, this something good will nearly always be present which means i’m “safe” for a bit (or forever if she stays with me that long). but […]
I feel so overwhelmed, I want out. My family never listens, so much fucking aggression. Everything is my fault. I want it to stop. Im so over my head, I just want someone to listen. I want something in my life that makes it worth it. I’m so sick of the fucking expectations and lectures and screaming!!!! I just want someone to be civil! No one will talk to me, Im fucking alone. They just get angry and yell when I talk about my feelings. I dont have any adequate instruments to cut myself. I feel like i’m welling up with all these ugly emotions, […]
I’m not going to kill myself. Not now. All of the low points I’ve gone through in my mind I feel I’ve caused. If I were to ever take myself out of this world, I would hope that it wouldn’t be because of others, or the world. It would have to be strictly because I felt as though I would never escape my mind. I’ve been told that I am articulate, but I disagree. I can’t process any of my thoughts anymore. Even writing this is taking longer than it should. I realize that it’s not my time to go yet. When I was really […]
I was depressed for the past few years (5 years) because of feelings of inadequacy and immense pressure from school. All that was amplified by the fact I never attracted the interest of girls and every girl i ever liked never cared about me that way and slowly friends stopped talking to me.
But everything stopped when my mother finally allowed me to gym. I suddenly received an increased efficiency when it came to my studies which was a major source of pain for me.
Slowly my pain started to fade, I stopped having my strange suicidal dreams of scenarios involving how she never cared […]
It’s been a rough few years, and not sure when to expect something better. Soon, actually, but it could end up not happening. I finished graduate school and moved in with family to help raise their kid. I didn’t have anything better to do. Of course with the economy, a job was hard to come by. I temped, but that ended. Two years after graduating I got a professional position, but it ended up not working out – for me or them. And now my old boss is trying to hire me. I just got a bad feeling about it as I got ready for […]
When I think of myself more often then not I just want to puke. I used to be so happy and free spirited and I feel high school and just recent events in my life is ruining me. I am more cynical, I dont get along with parents, I dont have a 4.0, I feel fat and ugly…i am a let down to my amazing little sister and my life is just one big treadmill. Its like ive climbed on and cant get off. I just have to keep running because I cant stop or I will get flung off and I dont know how to […]