I ain’t living long like this. No one or nothing could help me. It’s been a decade, nothing yet. There are holes in the floor of my mind, like those in a medieval dungeon floor — Making it difficult for me to crawl back up from the pit. I feel worse than numb. The medicines only fucked me up real bad. I can’t even begin to talk about them for I’ll have to pen an entire fucking essay on it. Bruh. Oh, the ECT made me lose my fucking memory. Sure, it did help me with my severe mania episodes, but it worsened my OCD […]
Schizophrenia
everything i do feels like i am on autopilot. everything i say,do, or find myself obsessed with is purely distraction. sometimes i pour myself into things and eat it up until i’m too full, call it passion.. call it love.. but it doesn’t leave me satisfied.. a hunger i can’t settle. or like a pain i cannot pinpoint, even if every bit of me is screaming “here it is”
i try to plug myself into different things, try to find the switch or cord that will tie me up and say “this is it, youve found it” and all the pieces will fit in place. everything […]
Excuse the spelling mistakes but I am am currently crying and i will not check over this post.
I have psychosis and schitzophrenia. In my case, I hallucinate all the time and find it very hard to tell who is real and who isn’t. thats not the thing thats bugging me though, i can deal with harmless, imaginary people walking around. what i cant deal with is the episodes. my episodes consist of me black out, then waking up (i dont know how much longer later apparently it varies from 10minutes-2hours) covered in cuts, usually deep ones that need stitches. theyre usually on my neck and […]
Hey Suicide Project!
I’m new to the site and I’m kind of hoping that keeping a blog will be a good outlet for me. I’m Elizabeth and I suffer from a mental disorder known as Dissociative Identity Disorder or (DID). What does this mean? Well formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder or (MPD); DID is a mental disorder on the dissociative spectrum characterized by at least two distinct and relatively enduring identities or dissociated personality states that alternately control a person’s behavior. But, what does this mean for me? This means that I “host” several other alternate personalities. I refer to myself as the host because […]
Dysfunctional in modern society, I do not belong anywhere.
Darkness has consumed my outlook on life,
and I cannot see any hope.
Despair has taken a liking to me, causing pain inside my being.
The suffering tortures me as it flows in my veins,
damaging every molecule and fiber of my existence.
Twitches are the result,
along with violent tremors,
all of which are noticeable.
Names are called upon me,
strong and power they pierce my feelings.
Making my emotions bleed in the shadows of torture.
Endlessly I hope for an end, but no one stops.
Like walking on pins and needles,
there is no […]
Hi…
I’ve decided to end it all on Friday,as you saw from the title…Been struggling with severe depression and bipolar disorder for 2 years now…Nobody cares now and nobody will care when I’m gone either,so I figured out that I will be happier in the afterlife(if there is one) more than I am now…I don’t want to hear any of that ”it will get better” crap from anyone,since it will not.I also have a serious vision illness that will at some point let me completely blind.Right now I see kind of good,but my vision will at some point just stop,and there is no cure or surgery […]
what the fuck? chemicals affect behavior? no fucking way, the data is wrong, the scientists are stupid. look, here is the truth: what do BABIES do? fucking nothing. then when they hurt, they start crying screaming hellfire torture. they don’t DO anything, except scream when they hurt. babies KNOW the TRUTH. everything you do is LEARNED, it is sensed through PERCEPTION. a blind baby cannot see, so they CANNOT perceive things through eyes, so functionally sight is a LIE to them. they are TOLD that others can see, they have NO WAY of knowing except for your words to them. everything is LEARNED, everything is […]
i really don’t know what to do with myself and my life i mean lol i’ve diagnosed myself with paranoid schizophrenia i hear voices all the time (2 to be exact) i’ve had this ailment from about the time my mother passed away when i was 14 going in to 15 at first the voices helped me to cope with her loss and to bear with my other family and mental abuse i got when i was growing up from my father’s replacement woman sigh…. it was cool i was able to cope laugh at myself and move on now i’m 24 and these voices […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHqo2FDJSU0I feel like nothing is going anywhere… nothing is getting any better. A year ago I moved to my father’s to finally get away from my mother, sister, and my mother’s boyfriend, because they were pushing me to the edge. They’ve always been “there” for me, at things like competitions for band, and driving me to school events… but that is pretty much where it ends.
My mother loves me, and I hate seeing her upset, but when my sister is around, there is always a pointless fight started by her, and I get to the point of just wanting to jump off the […]
Fine you want a back story don’t you?
Ive been wanting to die since I was 14 years old. I’m 27. I’ve survived mulitple suicide attempts. I dont have the courage to jump off a building or blow my brains out with a gun.
I’ve tried hypothermia in a freezing river. I pissed myself before i jumped into that water, oh it fucking burned so bad i couldnt stand it, i was like alright ima just get a gun this shit is too painful. Then I got a gun and couldnt pull the trigger, I was going to shoot myself in the temple and thats like one […]
So my depression started when i was bullied severely in middle school and summer camp, people really don’t know how much this messes up a person. I became introverted and started thinking of my own death constantly at a young age , to the people that say it gets better i just have to laugh. Because now that I am older I found out that I am diagnosed with schizophrenia, and not to mention I am a 30 year old unsuccessful virgin that also has erectile dysfunction. It seems that God is just laughing at me just like the builles did when I was a […]
So until recently I’ve been showing minor signs of Catatonic Schizophrenia. If you dont know what that is, Catatonic schizophrenia is a type (or subtype) of schizophrenia that includes extremes of behavior. Regular schizophrenia is one of many brain diseases that may include delusions, loss of personality (flat affect), confusion, agitation, social withdrawal, psychosis, and bizarre behavior.
I started showing signs and its freaking me out. I’ve begun to see shadows that stay longer than normal, and I’ve been hearing unfamiliar voices call my name. The shadows want to hurt me but they wont leave me alone. Its been getting harder to concentrate and complete my thoughts (you have […]
I’ve been pretty unlucky in life. When I was a child I was raped. Then my sister and father left me and my mother. She started crying and drinking all the time and saying/doing fucked up stuff (like trying to stab me). A bunch of other stuff happened with religion and drugs and stuff that fucked me even more. Eventually I ended up with psychological problems including social anxiety, psychogenic pain and schizophrenia. In college I found a therapy that was very effective at treating these problems: schema therapy. It involved going back to childhood and fixing the problems at the source. As part of […]
80% of people who commit suicide have made at least one previous attempt.
People with a diagnosed mental health condition are at particular risk.
90% of suicide victims suffer from a psychiatric disorder at the time of their death.
Those at the highest risk of suicide are people suffering from alcoholism, clinical depression or schizophrenia. Previous suicide attempts are also an indication of particular risk.
Up to 20% of survivors try again within a year, and as a group they are 100 times more likely to go on to complete suicide than those who have never attempted suicide.
The world population is estimated to number 7.094 billion by the United States Census Bureau (USCB).
Rar Rar Rar…
How do you switch off your suicidal brain?
Stupidly purchased helium tank, […]
I’m new so I’m sorry if I am not doing this right… Can I complain here? I’ve only read a little.
I had a hideous upbringing, a hideous adolescence… I joined the US military to escape home…
My very best friend in the whole world was someone I met online, actually. For years he was my confidant. Long story short, we met, fell in love. Much as I fled my home state, I up and fled my home country and moved to the other side of the world. Got into an excellent school, an excellent programme, doing all right. It was a struggle doing it, but everyone […]
I have been on this site for about a month now. Â I have read a lot of posts and commented on some. Â Meanwhile I struggle more and more everyday. Â I feel like I am screaming please help me but all I hear is things like “you’ll feel better when the spring comes”, or “you’ll feel better when you get back to work”. Â A little background, I have been off work for 3 years because I was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia. Â I have told my psychiatrist that I am feeling depressed, eating and sleeping too much but even he doesn’t understand how much I am struggling […]
A while back my aunt took me to a therapist, for my depression.She then took me to a lady who prescribed medication!God, I was so freaking mad, still am a bit peeved.Since hen my depression and anorexia have only gotten worse,I have stated previously that nothing will help but she didn’t listen and now its progressed to a stage where I’m slowly turning into a vegetable (medical term).Also you might not think this but I’m 13 and my life has completely fallen to pieces.If you want to know the full story then look at my other posts but even then you wont know the full […]
Whether that be through a botched surgery or adverse effect to a medication? Â For me personally my life was ruined by my dentist who removed my mercury fillings without using proper precautions and exposed me to a shitload of mercury and basically destroyed my brain. Â I then got tested for my mercury levels but for some reason they showed up at “normal” levels whatever that means. Â I know I’m poisoned though so psychologists/psychiatrists called me delusional and gave me the diagnosis of schizophrenia. Â My life is over and has been for quite some time. Â Is this all there is to life?
The Peacock of Good Fortune and Prosperity. I wish you all good luck with your lives and may the sun shine and warm your backs for eternity. Through days that seem of gloom and nights that sound of terror, I hope you will feel safe with this peacock. I hope prosperity for those who don’t have the best homes, and I know that pretty much everywhere, not many can pay their bills each month. I wish you all well, because I know that […]