I have been cutting for about three months now. I cut my wrists, legs and stomach. I have been very good at hiding them, at least I thinks so, but now I have a problem. I’m sick therefore not going to school and left alone at home for the day. My mom’s friend is a doctor and my mom asked her to come over and check upon me, find out why I’m sick and how to recover. I’m so scared that the doctor is going to make me undress, because I’ve been to doctors loads of times before I started self harming and many times […]
Tonight is the night. The night i feel the pain in my heart as my stomach turns. I cut my skin and the blood is slightly darker than normal. I look in the mirror and my eyes are coals, my hair is tar and the night is warm..stars twinkle “Do it”. Eyeing the scissors on my desk already bloody. What’s more blood? Transparent He appears to whisper how perfect tonight is…will I go through with it this time?
I m so lost.
there is now a cut on my hipbone and I cant stop touching it. feeling the upraised skin and the heat. I haven’t felt this felling for almost four and a half months. now its back and I really just need someone to talk to. a few people know I used to cut, but they have no idea about the daily struggle to actually keep going with life.
to not use the pills or the blade and smile.
its so hard.
my failed attempt just keeps haunting me and I want to do it right. Its getting harder and harder to block out the […]
Hi..i’m a 16 year old girl and i really don’t know where to begin..
but I will begin by saying i’m suicidal and under a lot of depression…
the cutting has temporarily stopped, but when I get the urge to do it..nothing can stop me.. I will cut myself with anything and everything…
i used bobby pins, box cutters, scissors, knives, plastic, dried up paint, rocks, needles, safety pins…you name it ; I’ve used it..
I had to undergo therapy for it when my mom finally noticed..but it’s all a bunch of bullshit..
nobody really cares if you’re alive or not. and once you die, […]
I can’t even explain my feelings every night
I feel my heart aching as I turn out the light
Can’t shut my eyes, swollen from each tear
I never expect my thoughts to get this severe
Knife, scissors, pills all cover my desk.
All which can leave me very statuesque.
ThoughtsÂ eruptÂ my mind about all I hate
I don’t know really if I want death to wait.
Each night I spend lying completely alone
When will it get better? it remains unknown.
Searching deep down to find me a reason
Why I keep living through this suicidal season.
Exploding with depression as I lie in my bed
This pain is too much, makes me wish I was dead.
These thoughts […]
I hate every second I spend in this hell hole that’s supposed to be my home. I hate looking at my dad, every time I do I feel this surge of resentment. Im tired of being that bastard’s punching bag, the fuck up to blame when things go wrong, the one who’s talents are ignored. I’ve never cut before but tonight I really want to. Everything that’s important to me is ignored, the only thing that gets me noticed is when I get pissed off and snappy, then they yell at me and I’m left crying, trying hard to explain. No one understands, they can’t […]
didnt sleep at all , all i thought about was how bad today was going to be , just so happy i dont have school.
OK most of you dont know me in Â person , so my mum and dad divorced when i was 6 and then when i was 7 my mum made me my sister move away from my dad because my grandpa was sick and my mum wanted to be with him a few years after that i started being bullied in school because i was different i wore glasses , i wasnt fat i weighed 110 pounds (just all the other girls […]
I’ve wanted to die not long after I’d been born. The first time I tried to kill myself was when I was four years old. And for the people who have told me that my brain wasn’t fully developed yet, its impossible, i wasn’t capable of feeling suicidal, bullshit. I remember it. I wanted to die and I was perfectly capable of feeling hopeless. Â The next seven times I tried to kill myself was when I was ten years old and living in hell. I remember I brought a large steak knife up to my room and just held it up to my neck till […]
Im here bc i need to pour my heart out somewhere rn. what better place than here, in public, to people who feel what i do? i used to post regularly on this, i’d always try to look on the bright side of things, try to hold on. but what bright side? what do i hold on to? there’s nothing,anymore. im tired of being my own hero. i don’t plan on staying here much longer, maybe until the end of march, little before april starts, maybe around 20-25th. i really don’t know how to tho, the pills i tried last time did not work. i […]
One year of self-harm.
One year of cuts.
21 january 2012.
The day I started cutting.
Cutting on my hands.
Cutting on my feet.
Cutting on my hips.
Cutting on my belly.
Cutting on my lower arms.
Cutting on my wrists.
Cutting on my chest.
I can remember that day as yesterday. Saturday 21 january 2012. I grabbed a scissors and started to scrape and scrape on my hand until there was a little scar with a very little bit of blood. I did it, couldn’t go back. Well, it doesn’t matter, right? It was just […]
I just cut again the other day. It was 2 on my my palm. It`s funny because i told my friends Kiana and Reina, and they became angry and slapped my arm. They hadn`t cut yet since the butterflies and i did so they were mad at me. The reason i say it`s funny is because while they were mad at me the only thing i could do was laugh and tell them that i learned something new. When they asked what i giggled softly and tolf them that scissors suck……… and that`s all i could think about. I don`t even remember what i had […]
When i made this cut i was scared. I had just traded an ounce of weed for a brand new box cutter, a kid bought me from home depot. Stupid i know i could have got it myself but with your dad watching you every moment of the day it was kinda hard. I said it was for protection.. protection from my thoughts.. but he gave it to me. No other questions ask even knowing my history.
I went home a couple days past and then me and my parents got in a huge fight. With out […]
here i am. holding scissors. i have just gone through my pencil case for the 2nd time looking for something sharper to cut with. what’s wrong with me? i wasn’t like this a week ago.
Hey. I’m Nikki! So um I’m not really sure what you’re supposed to do on here so well I’ll just tell you whats going on. My ex-boyfriend is talking smack about me. Saying that I’m easy. That I’m a dirty whore. I’ve been so stressed out about it. On the other hand My father. Yelled at me today… I know what you’re thinking. All he did was yell at you. Well here think about this. He’s been yelling at me, swearing at me, treating me like poop since 3 grade. I’m in 8th grade now. Nothings changed. Tonight at 9pm I broke down crying. 10pm […]
Hi everyone.. I’m new here and i really need to get some stuff off of my chest. Apparently, i’ve been dealing with nothing but family problems. Mostly it’s between me and my mom and I’m tired of it. All the time she yells at me. Mainly, she just verbally abuses me; always she’ll throw my stuff on my bedroom floor and tells me to pick up. Like really? She’s the one who dropped it so why should i? And when i don’t do something right she’ll yell and call me stupid names: idiot, *****, ************, useless child, and so on. My dad thinks that it’s […]
So I had standardized testing on computers today, and my teacher gave an instruction he was unclear about, and I did the wrong thing, and he fucking screamed at me right in front of everyone.Â I made it to my quiet corner of the band room before I started crying (it was lunch after the tests).Â So I spent half an hour sitting behind the brass kettle drums, trying not to cry and slicing at my wrist with scissors, because I didn’t want to bleed everywhere.
When people yell at me, especially with an audience, it reminds me of my dad, who has abused my mom […]
Its not even like I’d care .. Almost everythings gone anyway . I had my parents taken away when I was 2 because of drug addiction . All my biggest hopes and wishes were taken away when I was 8 and I realized “mommy” & “daddy” don’t think I’m any more important than their drugs and new boyfriends/girlfriends . When I was 11 , leuchemia took my grandma from me . This past winter my past caught up with me . All my memories started rushing back and I started acting differently . Because I’d changed so much , all my friends were taken from […]
I smile during pictures. I smile ’cause I can. I smile when my best friend Becca, takes my hand. I smile when I see you, because thats what is polite. I smile during the day. But I don’t smile during night. I step off the bus, and head to the house. I say “Thanks for the ride” and look downÂ on my phone, more drama has arouse. I close the door slowly, hearing it creak. The hardwood floor echoes my sobs and my shreaks. I am not happy with my looks or my smile, they made me insecure. I question life for a while. I am […]
I’m fighting to try not to cut, tho i hurt so much!
i don’t want to cut. i really don’t. but its so hard. and its probably helping that I’m not clue to any scissors right now. but later tonight i will be.. and i don’t know if i will be able to handle it… sometimes I’m glad I’m lazy…. but gosh i want to cut myself… i want the pain of my heart be pushed away with the pain of the cut…
I’ve always known that I was depressed.Â But i put a good wall and hid it from everybody.Â At a glance, nobody would guess how rotten and dead i feel inside. I’ve read websites for “help” but honestly, I dont want help.Â I’ve been depressed and suicidal for so long.Â I have never felt wanted or truly happy.Â If at one point I was happy, everything would soon come crashing down.Â And I’d be in my bed crying myself to sleep, reaching over to get the scissors and start cuting on my arm.
Just like today.Â I was truly excited to go on a vacation with […]