My name is ryan, im 23, i have been shy and quiet all my life. I have severe anxiety, nobody understands me, i am hard of hearing i wear hearing aids. I dont consider myself ugly, but people make me feel that way. I have been a screw up most of my life, when i was 11 i started smoking weed, which then became the root of all my problems since then. I meant an amazing girl at the same time, i dated her from the time we were 11 to 17. In jr high i started getting addicted to marijuana, i skipped school, i […]
Tag:
Screw
Tomorrow is so close, yet it seems to take an eternity to arrive. Tomorrow is the day I’ve decided to kill myself. I feel at a general ease with that knowledge, and my brain tells me I should be horrified with the looming prospect of my demise. Screw that, I done being afraid, I’ve had near constant head and stomach aches all week, but now they’re gone. I’m not going to take my meds tomorrow because I didn’t today, no more point anymore. I suspect I will be more anxious and sick tomorrow night, but oh well. I’ll get home, masturbate one last time, then […]
Hey, so this is my first time doing anything of this sort… Â I’ve read quite a few of these posts and it seems a lot of people are also having a hard time. Â Not to sound mean but it actually is helpful to know I’m not the only one.
Anyway I’ll get to the point.  I’ve been horribly depressed for a while now.  I am the socially awkward kid that no one really ever wants to talk to in class.  I have only one friend really, and now he hangs out with the “popular” kids so I am kind of left alone a lot.  (By the way […]
I am 28. I have no future. I quit college 2 times because of depression and lack of money. I come from abusive family. My father had taken  it out on me during almost all childhood. I’ve been depressed since adolescence. My dreams have fallen apart once I dropped out of university. I wanted to commit suicide but didn’t have enough courage. That was my only chance to get out of poverty and misery. I failed. I have failed so many times in my life… I have probably developed another mental issue after dropping out – ptsd. Each day.  Thoughts about failing at school keeps […]
so here i am on the internet rock bottom so to say… first of i am not from america or england so my english will be bad but i need to get this off my chest …
So where to start? the fact that every day i feel worthless a big fat loser with no future unworthy of love? or that almost every night before i go to bed i think on how where and when i could kill myself? oh and dont worry this isnt a sad story its freaking hilarius so lets start i have a decent life i mean shure i only have […]
today was aweful. i felt like a complete screw up. i went to donate blood with my sister. so i get everything ready and im ready for them to do it. they told me to choose an arm . well i stuck out my arm and they saw my cutting scars. they wer like “ur not just doing this to feel the pain are u?” i was shocked and i felt soo judged. i wanted to die right then and there. i wanted to whither away in the wind. my sister came over to me and said i know ur ashamed of the scars and […]
Tonight is another one of those nights that I just really want to end my pain. It doesn’t help that it is gross outside… like gray and cold and shit. I am always affected by the weather… probably have that SAD Seasonal Affective Disorder thing.
I tried pulling myself out, by attempting to pretend that i am taking care of myself. I even bought groceries today, and I am chronic meal skipper. I got a haircut too, and I still feel the same. It is like I am trying to force myself to feel better, convince myself I am not a screw-up. Even though I know […]
My one friend left doesn’t live anywhere near me. I was supposed to spend the weekend at her house, and to be honest I couldn’t wait because I needed to tall her everything that’s been going on with me emotionally– she was the last thing keeping me from going over the edge. She just told me that lots of people are going to be at her house this weekend. I guess its a combination of my social anxiety and the fact that when Im around new and many people its just gives me depression meltdowns where I can’t even do anything about them, and just […]
I hate my family so much, everyone hates me , why should i live anymore …. what do i have to live for … to get up and hate myself more and more everyday… hell no …. life sucks….
Hi … Im lydia… My parents are rich , its not that i don’t like having all this stuff , its just that they think that they can make up for all the stuff they screw up by buying me things… My dad is at work 24/7 , and my mom was abused by her father as a child , so she takes it out on me… […]
It’s done. That final thing I had is about to be taken away from me. First my family made me their scapegoat, then I found out that 90% of my so called “friends” actually have been bitching behind my back for nearly as long as I’ve known them and now my boyfriend is going to leave me. Basically this girl (ex girlfriend) he slept with (with protection) is trying to say that it didn’t work and that she is pregnant. She has also given him an ultimatum, either he goes back to her and they be a “perfect” family, or he will never see the […]
I’m sick of doing so much shit for everyone around me and getting nothing in return. I’m nice as can be 24/7, even to people I can’t stand, and all I get back is, you got it, NOTHING. That or they treat me even worse. I’m just tired. What’s the point? Why bother being nice to people who are just going to screw you over, ignore you, stab you in the back, and treat you like trash? Not to mention I’m ALWAYS the third wheel. I pay for everything when I can, I treat everyone like freaking royalty and I’m starting to think they don’t […]
I want to share this with you, maybe some of you will like it…
written by maybe_soon_500_days_of_you
Just a  little verse in english of a german electronic band, that made me feel very well. I loved the moment when I heard this one the first time 🙂
” … Life is beautiful, you only have to see it. When everything gets too gray, just screw in the color. I have seen in my travels that we seek happiness because we don’t understand. because we don’t understand … ”
I hope things will get better for all of us. But sometimes I think we just have to make the best of our lives, because sometimes live is better to us, then we think it is. Take […]
I don’t know why I’m even bothering, but what the hell. I’m still here. Still not in the pokey, either, though I suspect I’m running out of time.
I think I’m sticking around just to piss people off. I’m probably just chickenshit.
It dawned on me this morning that if I was someone else looking at my life and my situation, I’d be telling me to fight hell and high water. Even if I lose, I’d still get to take down a few assholes with me. My brother deserves to be in jail for rape. My narcissistic sister needs a serious dose of reality to shatter her […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Yes I fuckin know. I’m useless. I screw up everything. I fuckin try with all I have in me to help people online every day. Just because I refuse to hold something for someone who treats me lik sh*t I’m useless. I probly haven’t helped anyone on here… Anyone? is there anyone on here who would not be here anymore if it weren’t for me? Probly not.. I’ve been wondering that for a while. Have I actually helped anyone? God I’m a loser -.-
I get up each day, not sure why I’m still here. I don’t want a future, I have nothing to live for. People love me, but I don’t feel like they do, you know? I feel pointless and a waste of space and I know deep in my heart that everyone would be better off without me.
I mean, I’m always going to be alone, I’m never going to fulfill any of my hopes or dreams. I have nothing. No reasons. Whereas I have plenty of reasons to go: I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m annoying, none of my friends actually like me, I screw […]
The Minute I wake up I cry because I am so sick and tired of my life and how it has been lived. I wonder what I have done wrong in my life. You know I know that i am not perfect I never have claimed to me and I know for sure I will never claim the perfection of someone…. I am not flawless like others. When i look in the mirror I stare and cry some more because I am not that pretty skinny girl every one would love to be with..
I am not perfection because I have been through so much bullshit […]
Me and my gf were together ffor awhile and we had planned to get married. But then a week later everything went downhill…she screamed at me “screw forever” saying I don’t love you and everything else as she walked away…I have no friends and no one to talk to, I’m too dam scared to kill myself and I just hurt everyone around me…I’m the biggest ***** ever…I wish id just die some natural way…
Society is a fucking useless term. We are not human, what kind of human is set out to make other people feel more in hell? There is already an empty pit inside, already that void… feeling of despair and emptiness.. So why the hell would anyone go into someones life… and try to ruin any salvation they have for hope? My mind is already hell enough, please stop adding things for it to over-process. I don’t need this, this is one reason I’m in the darkest places of my mind… Why would you try to take away the one little ember left, the one that may […]
today I feel incredibly weak. I’m trying to get on track by forcing myself to eat and work out and keep busy but today I feel like I’m staring at the finish line, hesitating to cross it.
Work is tedious, there’s too much of it, keeps me overly busy. Leaves me with large gaps of time to think about the idea of working and how stupid it is for me to be doing it considering that I want my life ended.
I think the same thing about my life; why bother, because I don’t want any of this? I don’t want to save my game, but just […]