therapy sessions are getting heavy. considering hypnosis to look into possible abuse. i have been using pot to numb myself-trying to escape from myself. thinking gets me in trouble-the more i think the more i believe the abuse happened. it is scary to believe. opening pandora’s box. i don’t know if i am strong enough to handle what comes out of this. i think about suicide a lot. thinking about other means to an end. the gun option would require a little work. but there are other possibilities within easy reach. there is this feeling of impending doom i can’t seem to shake. been having […]
Tag:
Self Protection
the warm fuzzy feeling i had last week didn’t last too long. the feeling that maybe life isn’t such a bad thing and maybe there was hope for the future. my talent for self sabotage rears its head again. it is a talent rooted in self protection. always waiting for the other shoe to drop. no good deed goes unpunished so to speak. if i feel good about myself and life karma always seems to find a way to kick me in the ass. i tell you god is one twisted mofo. but as i am constantly reminded i am still here. can’t be all […]
I’m so tired. I tell everyone I’m tired and they say I’m not being honest about the real issues. But they don’t understand how tired I really am. I’m tired in every sense of the word. Emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally tired. I’m trying to decide whether or not life is meaningless. I don’t know if that would just be a selfish method of self protection or if it is a valid thought. But I’ve been trying to assign meaning to it thinking that the world is a better place and my life will be more enjoyable if it is meaningful. But this is so damn […]