Why is life so unfair? I’ll never understand. I’ll never understand why people can be so cruel, why people die, why we cant be happy. We are in a world where people actually want to die. But not for selfish reasons, not really. We just want the pain to end. And people dont get that. Many times Ive dreamt about ways to die. My friend says its “a cry for help.” But when I was doing it I didnt care about wanting to be saved. I just wanted it to end, it meaning the pain, the depression, the sadness. I didnt mean to fail those […]
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Selfish Reasons
I was scared .. I am scared. Everyone needs saving, even I do. I need it but I don’t want it. I don’t want the cliched lecture that things will get better or the sympathetic conversation that reveals your place in our relationship that you’re there for me. Â I don’t want empty words to stall my decisions or help me to even consider changing my mind. I think about it all the time. I have set myself to learn to be content with death. I think of where my soul might go .. drifting through the darkness and blackness of empty space that seems to […]
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/jppeters
I’ve read this journal for years. I want to show God how unhappy I am for taking this amazing little child too early. If God doesn’t want us to be greedy, why is he greedy for the death of children? But no it’s ok. I’m doing fine. I have a guide dog and all I want. Life is fine. I’lljust pretend that death feels ok, I’ll pretend not to grieve, while inside I’m sick of hearing about people dying after fighting for their lives for years. It’s a pity this kid had a life-saving surgery, only to die of influenza because God didn’t want him […]
As I sit before my computer alone for the second day in a row, the sun shines brightly outside. I realize now that the suffering i’m about to undergo is irrational, but is it truly irrational to want to voluntarily give up life for peace? The method of giving up drinking and eating will end my life in the course of 10 days or more, during this time I will experience coming to terms with myself as the pain in my stomach slowly claims my life. I know that there is no way to write final words without them seeming dramatic or attention-seeking. A long […]
turning 27 next month and what do i have to show for it? nothing. that’s pretty much it. yes, i seem to have a lot to be thankful for. pretty regular childhood, supportive family, awesome guy. what’s missing? well, me. a stupid job. no money. more than that, now i think no skills. looks like i’ve wastd 3 yrs working at something i havent understood at all. coz even tho the current employer seems pretty happy with my performance, i’ve failed three job tests for what i hav been doing for so long. i have ultra nice friends too. all of whom get at least […]