How many of us continue to struggle and suffer in a place we no longer want to be? How many of us have tried therapy, medication, family, friends, and religion only to realize that you still want to leave this world? Most of us know how we want to go and when we want to go, but have that one thing that keeps us from moving toward peace… our families. If we could just cover up the fact that we committed suicide and make it look natural or accidental, we’d probably take that final step toward death. If this is not your situation or concern […]
Tag:
Shame And Guilt
I’m 23 years old.
In two week I’m getting kicked out of college. I allowed my depression to take over my life to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed for class, I would sleep for days and not do my homework. Now, after months on probation, I’m actually getting kicked out.
I have no where to go. I can’t bear the thought of telling my family that I was so stupid I got kicked out.
My entire identity and life is tied up in going to school (for math). This is all I’ve ever envisioned in my life. I don’t know what else to do […]
My first post was months ago. yet I’m still here.
I have it all ready behind me, the ******** tank, the turkey oven bag, the gas regulator. I’m long past saying good byes. All I can think of is how much I miss that one person, who I will never see again. I’ve pushed everyone away, drained away every bit of money I’ve had, every bit of hope I’ve had, and now all my mind does is draw a blank.
I have people who love me, my family, my friends, even strangers who I barely know reach out to me. And the sad part is how I […]
It’s the loss of control
No, it isn’t giving up your motor functions. You can move, you can talk and you can open and close your eyes; but open eyes see a hostile world that tolerates its own crumbling demise, but not yours, and closed eyes see the slanted razor you most certainly think will take the pain away. Move, if you wish, but wherever your legs carry you, your shame and guilt, your self condemnation will follow at your heels, eating away at your resolve and desire. Speak, my friend. Speak, but only what they want, because anything but is a pretension of higher knowledge […]
I went crazy yesterday.
 Mom brought home the one who irrates me so. We had an agreement that I would get advanced warning we she was bringing him home. Yesterday she had left a message on my phone. I had be working in the barn and hadn’t had my phone with me. There’s a longer story but I ended getting upset and lost my ability to talk and think straight. I tried to contain myself/felt an explosion inside. Ended up mucking up two of my belongings(silently with no audience-it was the best I could do).
Today, he’s back again. Today there was not even a call before. […]
Well I’m done with myself. I quite literally give up on myself. I can’t stand the shame, and guilt that I keep carrying. So I give up. I see people saying well I got this figured out this death of mine will succeed or not. Well now I’m one of those people. I love this site soooo much. Seeing other stories. But I guess when your own stories just add on. You get sick of it. Knowing the other things you done to people- The faults. It starts to hurt. I got nothing anymore. That’s it.
So ya, maybe talk later. I don’t know yet. I’ve […]