I look at my hips, arm and belly. Seeing those red, fresh cuts is such a relief. The lovely pain, that beautiful bright red, those little blood drops, your sharp knife. That good feeling that isn’t possible to express in words. Just that feeling that isn’t repositionable…
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Sharp Knife
The last four years, since turning 50, has been an ever ending series of bad decisions, failed marriage, financial ruin and more recently poor physical health. These events have taken its toll on my wellbeing and mental capacity to move forward, and notwithstanding the niggling doubt that I am about to embark on my final ‘bad decision’, I have come to the cold realization that it is time to depart this mortal sod.  I spent most of the last year isolating myself from friends and colleagues, not in an antisocial manner, but rather spinning a web of stories as a way detachment not to […]
Rachel Ferguson- Never Good Enough
The story of me. I wrote this after my first hospital visit, it was going to be my suicide note but a close friend of mine found me before I died. He has an uncanny ability to call me whenever I’m seriously debating suicide even though he’s moved all the way across the world from me.
Born to the urban monster,
Raised to be mindless,
Her curiosity brought pain,
Tears of blood shed in silence.
Ostracized by her peers,
In the shadows she played.
Her “friends†cruel like the rest,
As she was bullied there came no aid.
Fragile, she often wept,
They laughed and pointed.
Ridiculed and mocked into […]
Monday, February 27th, 2012. I had been Sexual Assaulted.
I walk through the hallways, watching people look at me, whispering, calling me names, wanting to beat me. They don’t know the real story about what really happened, so they had made-up stories. I cry every night because of what he told people. everyone is against me, everyone hates me. He doesn’t know the damage he had done; damage is still being processed. People harrassed me everyday, yet I know that if I end my OWN LIFE they’ll regret what they have said.
Many people took sides. Two of my best friends had my side, also […]
If I die young – The Band Perry
If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song
Uh oh, uh oh
Lord make me a rainbow, I’ll shine down on my mother
She’ll know I’m safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh well
Life ain’t always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain’t even grey, but she buries her baby
The sharp knife of a short life, well
I’ve had just enough time
If I die young, bury me in […]