It’s not even 6:00 am, it’s not even a week day and yet here’s life giving me more shit. Seems to be a never-ending vicious cycle and I’m just about fed up. As far as I’m concerned life can go fuck itself, and I use the word life loosely because this ain’t no life. Sometimes things get taken away to free up your hands for something better ??? I’m calling bullshit. Life feels like a bully sometimes, and when a bully takes your stuff, you don’t get nothing back, let alone something better. Well I say Fuck You life, I’m done with your wratchet ass, punk ass *****, sorry about the cussin but that’s where I’m at. I’m done, I’ve learned to deal with the depression, the anxiety, and even the loss, but I’ll be damned if this world will let me deal with the anger. When all it does is make me mad to the point that I feel the need to tear shit up. Lmfao I’m out !!! See y’all in the funny papers.
sick and tired
i am so sick and tired of living this fucking life… I am just a waste of space and time in this IDIOTIC world… I am an introvert and i hate the all people who are hypocrites that live only their lives in such a way (self image, dressing, hairstyle, money and materials appearance) so that they can accepted and liked by other people. Yes i am a short and an unattractive person and so i don’t have any chance out there but let me tell you what, i DON’T GIVE A FUCK since i hate those guy more than i hate myself.
I fucking tired of seeing such people so a very a locked myself in my room spending all my day behind this fucking screen so that i don’t have to communicate with any of them. And because the MAJORITY of people find this weird of staying away from the outside world (e.g nightlife entertainment e.t.c) you are also consider weird. I don’t give a fuck about anyone of them…but if you don’t meeting up with other people then your life sucks since you will be unable to find a job or a girl and you are force to stay a lonely guy waiting a nice opportunity to die!
Honestly, that’s how i see how life works. Everything that you do in life has to be accepted by others or you should do what the others are doing… YOU LIVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE FOR OTHERS AND NOT FOR YOURSELF.
I have no patience with people anymore, i don’t want to speak to no one and waste my time with idiots. I want no-one to know me anymore.
So to end this, let me just say that i hate being a part of the world and i have to admit that this life is not for anyone…some of you will NEVER understand this because you are a part of this whole system where you got lucky once you were born and became someone with the minimum requirements that this ”majority of the people” has place (good appearance,fancy or interesting life, social). So the rest of us are leftovers who are forced to live a stressful and depressive lives with no ambitions and no love and wandering all day where this life is leading me to…or IS IT WORTH LIVING THIS SHIT?
Would you go ahead and kill me already?!
You keep me hanging on the line.
I’m sick and tired of all your filthy little lies.
You are a cancer.
I am your host.
What you love is torturing me the most.
So cut away my skin.
Expose who you really are.
For my body bleeds oil.
The fuel that you feed.
I was never anything.
Just a pension for your greed.
YOU ARE MY CANCER
…..and I am your host
I grew up in a psychologically and often physically abusive household with my biomom and an overbearing 6 foot 7 “step dad” who would make me work my fingers to the bone and pick on me etc. from a small child, I was close to my grandparents and begged and pleaded with my biomom and stephitler to let me live with my grandparents. They finally did to my suprize.
Problem was, my dad was there and at that time was very physically abusive when he was drinking. When my grandfather died in December 1995, the abuse got worse. My grandma tried to stand up to him but it didn’t work. He would hit me with a belt on a whim, even when I didn’t do anything wrong. It got so bad that I called my biomom and told her. She took me out of that environment.
Odd thing was, It was one of the worst mistakes I ever made. Even though the abuse was bad, biomom and stephitler (not gonna call him dad) were a lot worse. They made me go to this authoritarian Christian school with the “highest standards”. If I didn’t make the grade, id get paddled (they never literally paddled me, just threatened me until I was sick everyday at school). They didn’t have special Ed and had a tough curriculum. One time the vice principle went into my class, and took me to his office. He told me, “if you don’t get your grades up”…and pointed to the paddle as I cried my eyes out. I was a good motherfucking kid. Never got in trouble, always followed the rules but couldn’t get my grades up.
Biomom was even worse at home. She would make me do and redue homework papers from the time I got home from school until stephitler arrived. Then stephitler would force me to work my fingers to the bone – this one mega project he had me do was to rake rocks in a pile and wheel barrel them off into an embankment. The house was brand new and he wanted to plant grass seeds. Huge yard. The Christian school also had this rule that if I didn’t do good at home, the parents can request a paddling when I get to school. Biomom and stephitler used that against me to keep me working.
i would work for hours on end, missing my grandma and wishing I was back with her. These monsters I lived with were like robots, never showed a hint of affection. The laboring was so tough that it gave me back problems for years to come. I remember raking rocks into a pile, bending over and feeling like someone stabbed me. But I couldn’t stop or I’d get paddled. They even made me do this in a lightning storm when they knew I was scared of lighting.
I lost it at that point. It was summer when I was 13. I totally fucking lost it, I was sick and tired of the abuse and sick and tired of being afraid and hit. What else could they do to me? For the first time I got violent. I went to my room, tore up everything that I had, busted walls out etc. guess what happened? Absolutely nothing! My biomom came in and screamed at me then punched the wall. John the step dude, was shocked. The next week I was off to my aunts and uncles who got custody of me in late summer of 1997. Aggression was the only way I could have survived.
The damage was already done. I had PTSD and started to have panic attacks but only at school. I had to sit on the floor etc. this lasted until I was nearly 15 when they got me on medication. Still had persistent anxiety. Life still managed to get worse. I’ll talk about that later.
Crazy thing is, my biomom and stepdick didn’t treat there other children or anyone else like they did me. Now they have this image of a stable home and if I spoke out against them, nobody but my real family would believe me because only the family I’m with knows what really happened. Biomom is a sociopath and a narcissistic mother. She can pull off a good image, fucking *****. Sorry to say this, but if her house burnt down, killing everyone in that house including my biologically half brothers and sister (who didn’t do anything to me), I wouldn’t feel a god damn thing. It would be like watching the news. I don’t see any of them as family. I see them as objects really. Relics of the past.
I’m sick and tired of fighting for something that’s never going to happen. My body can’t take it anymore. Ughhh.
My sister tells me she is scared that I’m going to kill my self. Maybe I should. Then my family doesn’t have to worry about me anymore.
Why do I have to feel this way everyday. I’m so sick and tired of crying. I have no one to talk to. They’re all using me. This is my only way to let my feelings out. I don’t think I should hold them in anymore. But I don’t want to be here. I miss my grandma. I don’t want to be alone anymore.
I began to cut again . Six fucking months clean . I didn’t realize how much better it makes me feel. What led me to start again, well the numbness I feel inside, I want to feel something. I fucking hate it here and the constant reminder of how I am no good or that I Should kill myself. My friends always say they will there for me but when I need them where are they to be found ? So that is why i say fuck everyone and fuck and fuck what people think, i don’t want to hear it, I am sick and tired of them pointing out my flaws and all I want is some fucking peace and quite.
Today might be the day I end this miserable life of mine. Either overdose myself on sleeping pills so I will never have to wake up again, or jump in front of a moving car. I’m sick and tired of being lonely and having fake friends who just use me for things and and make fun of me with their “jokes”, and how they always tell me their “kidding around with me” It’s been eight years I’ve been going to the same fucking school and nothing has changed. As we all got older I still ended up having nobody. I’m obviously worthless and live a pointless depressed life. Severe depression for years and still haven’t found happiness in my life. Nobody likes me and nobody ever will I’m just the random kid at my school and everyone I used to talk to and hang out with got older and moved on with their lives. They ended up fading away. On the weekends I sit at home with nobody to text or call me. When people see me they don’t even ask how I’m doing or how my day is or what’s going on, none of that happens. They end up going straight to the point on what they actually want from me. I’m just sick and tired and I don’t know anymore. Suicide is on my mind everyday and one day I will just snap and end up actually doing it. I’m only 16 years old and i’m tired of being lonely and depressed, nobody to have your back and nobody to talk to you. After school when I go home I just end up isolating myself in my room for the rest of the day by going to sleep. Everyday is a struggle and I just can’t take it anymore.
I’m so freaking done with life. What’s the point of staying here? I’m so sick and tired of hearing “God has a plan for you” the plan I want is to die right now. I can’t do this anymore.. No one cares..
I am so drained and tired of wanting to die…I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired
I want to fall asleep & never wake up. Life feels pointless. It has my whole adult life. You struggle mentally, physically, emotionally, financially…and for what? You work your whole life, just to one day die so why not speed up the bullshit process. I am sick and tired of going through the motions. I don’t want to be doped up on anti-depressants. I don’t want to self soothe through sexual pleasure, with alcohol or drugs. I’ve called the suicide hotline, & the douchebag guy pretty much told me to suck it up. Don’t waste your time. Praying doesn’t do shit. After 26 years here, I just cannot be here anymore.
I have set a new termination date, and I plan to depart next week. Hopefully this time I do not screw up and end up still alive. I feel trapped, and that I have to make this decision. Although I have been depressed and suicidal for the past seven years, I feel as though my feelings have catalyzed within the past few weeks. I’m sick and tired of always being sick and tired. Sick and tired of being a stupid, worthless,and hated burden on those that are around me. I am nothing more than a failure. I don’t even know why I am posting my goodbye on here, it’s not like anyone is going to care or even notice that I am gone. Regardless, I cannot do this anymore, I quit. Guess life is another thing that I have failed in. Like I said, I am nothing but a failure and a disappointment to everyone. So I guess this is goodbye.
I’ve been dealing with this pain for so long… I’ve attempted so many times. I can’t take this anymore. it kills me. I’m afraid to make friends because they’ll all just leave me by death or turning against me. I’m so sick and tired of crying myself to sleep EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. And feeling like a fucking mistake to my parents. Why was I born? My mom should have fucking got an abortion. I DON’T WANT TO BE HERE! IT’S TO FUCKING HARD! LET ME GO! PLEASE PLEASE LORD LET ME DIE! I can’t do this anymore. I’m ready to pull the damn trigger and end this shit .Everything is worthless. I do nothing but try to help people and nothing works out for me. I miss who I use to be…… I miss being my moms favorite kid in the whole world instead of just the kid that fucking self-harms and she has to call the cops on…. I never wanted to be like this. WHAT DID I DO?!?!?! I’VE DONE EVERYTHING I COULD BUT NOW WHAT? ALL I DO IS FUCKING MESS EVERYTHING UP :'(
…………This may be the end of me…
I can’t do this anymore, I really truly can’t. The stress is too much. The pressure is too much. Everyone expects too much from me, when I can barely even get out of bed in the morning anymore. To my family I am just a failure because I can never meet their expectations. To my friends, I am a burden to have around because I suck the life out of anyone who is near me. I ruin everything that I touch beyond repair, and I am nothing more than a pathetic waste of space. I shouldn’t be on this Earth anymore because all I do is cause people an immense amount of pain. I am tired of being a burden to those that are around me. I am tired of feeling sick and tired 24/7. If all I do is hurt everyone around me, and let them down, then why am I still hear? I have no purpose on this Earth. Everyone would be better off with me in the ground once and for all.
I feel completely hopeless, like a trapped animal in a cage who can’t break free no matter how hard he tries or how positively he thinks. I have no one close and meaningful to me, nothing to look forward to, and no reason to even try anymore. I’m so sick and tired of this frustration of going about existing. I’ll clearly never never find happiness on this planet so why am I still breathing?
Okay. I am really starting to get sick and tired of all the people who judge other people in this world. Why do you have to judge? It isn’t you is it? Nobody seems to care now adays. All I do is sit in my room and cry and feel like I am dying I the inside honestly. I never talk in school. I am scared to because of what people will say or judge me about then. I have to wear long sleeves all the time, or a bunch of bracelets. One or te other. That isn’t good is it? That’s what this world has put me through. I feel like is Gould really just take These pills my friend got gave me. I refused to tell him what for but I looked up that if taken in large doses it can be extremely fatal.. What have I got to loose? This may be the end.. Bottoms up..
A few hours ago. I’m glad i was there, eventhough she already was speeling. I hadn’t seen her in a very long time.
It’s 5 am, I’m sick and tired. Hopefully I get through these days.
PS. My virusscanner tells me this site has a Trojan Horse virus
I am dying inside in my heart ….. i cant live without her…. my every second is going with pain… I really truely love her sooo much -…-
I have no one without you and even if i would get 10 friends in return I still would feel terribly lonely, you are the only one who still manages to make me feel a bit better and you’re the one who gets me through the day. I’m so sick and tired of being alone, please stay,