When well my parents learn that I am a Teenager I am not their slave im not there Minion I am not going to do every single thing they want me to im not a waitress they just don’t understand that I want to hurt/kill myself when I want to be alone or hang out with my friends they just don’t get it I want to disappear because of them mostly because my mom telling me to do everything for her she has to feet she can do it herself! I’m not a slave even though she treats me like one!!
Tag:
Single Thing
Let’s just honestly say, that many children’s creation upon this Earth was a mistake.  In several ways. People tend to deny these things, this entire post perhaps, but they avert their eyes when they do.  Then they rapidly change topic, start accusations of something you yourself have done, but they twist it around and make it sound as if they had no part in it….had no part in being the very reason why you did that (whatever it may be). And when you deny it, of being the sole factor in a certain exchanging of words, in a response, or an action, they lose what […]
What I Wish I’d Known Five Years Ago – Finn Butler
“
I know the heart is a heavy thing
and if today you managed to lift it
a few inches off the ground,
I am proud.
You need to understand that there are no turning points.
Your life is not a movie and your fears will not disappear
as soon as someone loves you back. There are only moments
when the glimmer of light you are chasing seems closer
than the darkness that is always chasing you but in these moments
every single thing has been worth it.
And I know sometimes you only want it […]
I have reached the a point in my life where certain patterns have repeated themselves. These patterns once thought under control have so gone out of control that the pattern is now a real relative in my life. This pattern at first was just bad emotional output on my part, then the second time occurred and its all the same all over again the exact same way it ended the last time. The last time I lost two very dear things close to me and now I have no chance of ever seeing them again due to my own stupid decision. This time the thing […]
Makena. I love you more than life itself, i put so much trust into you. i put it all in for you, i have never loved anyone or anything the way i love you, i didn’t have to be a strong man because you were strong for me, i think of all the moments we have shared together. You kept me from drinking you showed me how to be in love. for 2 years i have loved you more than anything. Now its all gone and you don’t even care. I am in pieces and you are just fine did 2 years not mean a […]
Number one on the list…
Connor.
That name means so much to me right now, good and bad. I have this friend, I use the term friend loosely, we met at a party just over a month ago. Since we met we have text each other every day for most of the day and we see each other at least once a week, usually more than that. He is amazing. He makes me happy without having to do a single thing, just being around him makes me feel so much better about everything and I don’t know why. I like him and he likes me, but here’s […]
I have two older brothers. For now we will just talk about the middle child. My middle brother is an extremely difficult person. Not only that, but mum favours him. Not only does mum favour him by fawning on him like a cute little sad child (which she doesnt do for the rest of us) she will always take his side. I believe that this was because my brother was beaten up once when he was around 6 years old, and was then depressed for a couple of years. Even after that though, he would still use his depression as leverage to get what he […]
i keep finding reasons to stay later and later at work… in the hopes that while walking back to my car i will be violently assaulted and killed. i even deliberately park in the dark vacant part of the lot. two things though. 0ne, i don’t really work in a very high (violent) crime area. and two, i am a guy, not a whisp of a guy, but not a huge truck of a guy either. it’s sad, but statistically speaking, i would be more likely to be assaulted if i were a woman. not that i approve of it happening to others… it’s just […]
Originally, I always thought that god loved me, and that other people loved me too. I thought that my lack of talents or good traits was just unlucky. But I dont think God loves me, or anyone else for that matter. Even my own mum, admitted that she thought that i am “Sick”. My parents are never going to be happy. Neither am I. It doesnt help that i have no talents or abilities or ethics, even the most basic instructions i find hard to understand. Im slow. Im dumb. Im weak. I have been called all these things by my parents. Theyre right of […]
Nothing good ever stays with me, it’s as simple as that. If by chance that something does come into my life that can be viewed as good, it is taken away from me a short while after. Every single thing that I do is a mistake, I guess that I myself am a mistake. I can’t even do something as simple as killing myself right, every single time I always end up failing. Why can’t I just die?  I’m tired of living, and experiencing everything that is apart of this world. All of the good is overtaken by the bad in this world, and i’m completely […]
I would happily die for anyone. I would happily sacrifice my life for the life of another without a second thought. Yeah, there’s loads in my life worth dying for; but there’s very little worth living for. But does that matter? I suppose I should just embrace the fact that although it’s not a lot to live for and the temptation’s always there, there is something keeping me here, there must be something worth living for or else I wouldn’t still be here. I believe that. I really believe that. And that gives me a bit more strength and reminds me that although it all […]
If theres anything out there
That’s supposed to be watching over me
I’m going to rip your throat out when I die
Cuz you haven’t done a single thing for me
If ye be a guardian angel I’ll rip off your wings
If ye be a king of kings I’ll knock you off your throne
If ye be just some cosmic entity I’ll make your eternal existence as miserable as you made mine
If there be nothing at all and only I am to blame
It is all the same to me
Because then I’ll be dead and have nothing but abyss ahead
And my mind will […]
I feel like I’m suffocating, trapped inside my own head. I struggle to go through the day to motions of uni and work because I’m convinced this is my last year of living. I’m petrified, knowing that I’ll never get married or have a family or even do a single thing with this degree I’ve spent so much time and energy obtaining. It’s not that I’m planning on actively taking my own life, just that I’m convinced I’m not long for this world. My fear has become so bad that everytime I drive my car I hope I’m going to crash, just so it can […]
Sometimes it seems like everyone hates me. Like every single thing i do is wrong and terrible. I wish i could just turn off my life and start over. Get new friends, not backstabbers. Stop caring what other people think. Stop being such a terrible person. And just get a life that I love, instead of living this life where I’m just waiting for the next time I’ll make a mistake. I don’t want to die, I’ve never had the real urge to kill myself. Hurt myself, yes, but never end my life. I honestly thought I had a best friend who would […]
I suffer from PTSD which creates overwhelming anxiety. I can not stand people in general for tho they pretend to care in reality they do not. a more fair description might be that they care so long as its conveinent. some of the experences that have led to my PTSD include but are not limited to being in a tornado, haveing been on fire twice, watching the person next to me in junior high murdered durring class, being stabbed, constant mental and physical abuse as a child, and most recently listening to my mother shoot herself in the head while talking to me on the […]
So, i found this site and thought: Why not share some of my thoughts here? First i must say, that my english isn’t too good, so boring, repetitive and easy sentences will be written here. Now let’s begin.
First some information about me: I am completely healthy, i have good grades even though i don’t study for it and i don’t have financial problems. However i probably have a Schizoid personality disorder. At least i fit exactly to all descriptions you can find about it. Also i am very bad at sports, only moving a bit exhausts me, i can’t walk for a long time […]