seriously I think I’m losing it. It’s like my mind is eating itself with bad thoughts and I don’t think I can handle it at this point. I need to feel nothing at this point. I can’t bring myself to commit suicide at this point, I have too many failed attempts to mess up again. I just kind of want to not exist? but never have existed I think is a more accurate term. I see my therapist on Wed. but I don’t know how it will go, I think he is going to give me skills to cope which I don’t know how that […]
Tag:
Sliver
for a very very long time i have felt distanced from my family from people from life. i mean eight grade was the darkest time of my life… i faked my way out of a suicide/depression test so i could get out of therapy convinced i didnt have a problem i would never do anything its all words and words dont mean anything. but words mean alot and words can hurt a lot. for as long as i cna remember i have been pushed away by my parents. they have no love for me. i have two younger sisters who absorb all their attention and […]
i know he offed himself…but I’m still convincing myself he’ll come back and send me another e-mail, say “I love ya sis” one more time…butt he won’t…but I still hold on to this sliver of hope….
And bittersweet.
I wish I was 15 again. I wish I could replay my entire life over and maybe then I wouldn’t so depressed. So bogged down with all these “Should have”s.
I want to run away. I want to run from all of this that I’ve failed. Run away from the college I flunked out of. The boyfriend I can’t seem to shake, that loves me, but reminds me of a life I want so hard to forget. To erase.
I want to feel the SWEET in BITTERSWEET like I did when I was 15, and not just pain. I want to feel you and taste you […]
I might be clinically depressed or bipolar. I’ve been “sad” for 4 years now (if that means anything). I’ve taken classes in highschool and in my 2 and a half years of college and feel I might be, but that doesn’t change the way I feel. I do not want to be here. I want to leave and never come back. I want to go far away where no one knows me. When my own family found out I tried to kill myself, they made it worse. They cried and it only made me feel worse about myself. I tried letting someone in and talk […]
Goddamn, but it hurts. And there are too many similarities between all my experiences, too many for comfort. It makes me feel ugly and uncertain. It feels so UNJUST, you know?
What is “fair”, anyways?
It’s my lack of trust, which hurts me so much. So much. and I think they misunderstand me. But how much am I to blame?
I’m trying so hard to stand up for myself, to respect MYSELF. And I realize I can be so destructive, which is why I keep everything bottled up inside in an attempt to be “fair” and not hurt anyone. But all that bottled stuff is constantly poisoning me […]
This is gonna be the strangest of post for me so far…I’d just like to share this completely for once.This is the one thing I haven’t told anybody since the time it was created when I was 10.No one ever knew this,not even my family.Strange that I’m putting it here to complete strangers on a suicide forum.
I think this is in a way how my last sliver of hope takes form.For as far as I can remember,this world was boring,colorless and full of unfair things.I was quick to escape in my own little dream-land.I was a lone little dreamer since kindergarden,always drawing by myself.No one […]
It’s been a while since I’ve wrote anything, let alone posted anything… I think December was the last time I posted? I’m too lazy to check (even though it is a few clicks). I’ve been a diagnosed depression patient for almost 5 years now, dunno how long I’ve actually been depressed for though, seems like it’s been for a good chunk of my life though
There was a certain moment in my life when I reallyy really wanted to kill myself. And then there was those other moments when I was really close to that… though even in my most jaded of times, I still had some sliver […]