Not really even sure what I’m going to accomplish by posing to this website. I hate my life. It’s a pretty miserable existence being me. Not because I live in Africa where I have no food and poor hygiene. Not because I’m terminal with cancer. Not even because I was born to a horrible family that abused me. None of that. After everything that has happened to me in the past couple years especially, I can’t find a reason to keep going. I hate my god-forsaken fucking life. I hope I die soon. I hope to effect that change soon. And just so there is […]
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Smoking Pot
This is the first time i write about my suicidal thoughts on the internet..I have no financial problems, so financially speaking i have a life that many would want. I’m also still young, many people tell me that i have my whole life ahead of me and that i shouldnt be pessimistic..but i have never had the life i really want. I didnt have many friends untill recently, and that was only because we share a habit which is drinking and smoking pot..i have thought about taking my life for many years now, i was even seriously planning on doing it one time but i […]
When I was born I had the perfect family. Typical happily married young aspiring husband (my dad) and loving devoted child rearing wife (mom). Â Up until around age 3 everything was alright. Â Then even as a young kid, I noticed that my Dad yelled at my mom a lot. I didn’t understand why my mom would cry every day when my dad left for work. She started drinking a lot. She never neglected or mistreated me in any way, but she just became even more withdrawn. By The time i was 5, My family had already moved 3 times. My mother had endured giving birth […]
I can’t do anything at this point. I get drunk all the time, as often as I can. I take advantage of other people. People I’m supposed to care about. I owe people a bunch of money. I’m living off my family. I can’t hold a job, I don’t have any friends, and I don’t care about people who care about me. I want it to stop. I want to stop being me, I want to stop thinking about all of my problems, I want to stop contemplating suicide and just do it. I thought about it all the time when I was 14, I […]
I started drinking and smoking pot around age 12. before I went into puberty, Now i am 23 and my bones have not developed. My wrists and hands are smaller than most childrens. I also have gynocomastia (development of breasts due to hormonal imbalances). It seems my hormones are fucked. I have no sex drive and no ambition. Ive been rejected by many females for my feminine qualities. My father killed himself when i was 17, and all my life since then Ive just wanted to be a man and take care of myself and my family…now im developing into a fucking woman! I had […]
im scared. and i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like im falling deeper into depression, and i cant take it. i cried like 10 times in the past few days. everything is so stressing to me. and i feel like things  are affecting me more. like im more sensitive for some reason. ive never been this sensitive. so its weird to me, and i dont know how to deal with stuff. i just want to be dead. i actually havent cut for months now. last time i cut it was all down my left arm. from elbow to wrist all covered. but […]
She told me to get the rant out. Say all things that you keep telling yourself over and over quietly. Half of them, you won’t even mean or believe. Then talk to her. My mom. That’s all I ever want to do is sit down and talk to her. Have a conversation. In the past five years I’ve cut, made myself throw up, started smoking pot, drinking excessively and ending up in the hospital. I don’t know what I am doing or even why. I am impulsive like my father.
No one knows. My sister calls me psycho, I forgive her. But maybe I am. The […]
Ever since I was little, I always felt left out. I always felt that way because any time I tried to be social and fit in I’d get burned. I am 24 now and the depression is sinking in ever deeper day by day. From when I screwed up my first true relationship with a girl whom I believe I was in love with and shared deep emotions with. Ever since then my life has spiraled down. I lost my job at the same time that I broke up with her, and I made things worse by constantly bugging her. I went through drinking heavily […]