I have decided that today I shall commit suicide. I know many people are going to try and talk me out of it and it is useless. Dont worry I will post my SN later before I do it. Its just something I feel I need to do.
Its odd really, I feel so numb to almost everything half the time and the other half I feel things so deeply I burts out in tears, and I try to cure both with a drink, I don’t understand, I get the numbness and all I want is to feel again and feel the world and once my feeling return I want to shut it off and not feel a thing from all the sadness and pain.
Beautiful and vibrant as can be,
Thatâ€™s how they remember me,
So far from what I used to be,
I hid from the world; you see,
Skin so smooth and fair,
Now scarred and dry,
I still have my beautiful hair,
But I changed so much it makes me cry.
I cry myself to sleep when no oneâ€™s there,
Trying to accept the damaged look,
So much lost; I canâ€™t even start where,
Dusty covers, lost pages, judge the book!
Of all clichÃ©s this one I will never forget,
Passing through life betwixt and between,
In the end all youâ€™re left with is regret,
Was I made to be a warrior- only to never win?
Tell me the point of being called proficient,
When you can never believe it yourself,
Programmed never to reply to what is sent,
The girl bred to repudiate herself.
Never finished what I started,
And probably never will,
Was I that stone-hearted?
To watch myself grow ill,
Perhaps I didnâ€™t notice,
Letâ€™s assume that I never knew,
A nightmare I will call this,
Pinch me will you?
Pinch me as hard as you can, I beg you.
Pinch me till I cry and till I bleed,
Just wake me from my misery will you!
Excruciating pain with nothing to yield,
Could it be fate behind all these?
Was I meant to crash and burn?
Was I supposed to feel unease?
But from all, what did I earn?
Maybe I donâ€™t deserve the life given to me,
I probably never did,
My instinct tells me it wasnâ€™t supposed to be,
A poisonous seed,
I was made only to disappear,
I was cared for; for I was a reserve,
Chances are Iâ€™ll only reappear,
When I finally deserve,
To relive my life the way I used to do,
See life the way I used to see,
When I become good enough for you,
When I become what I used to be.
***Im not a poet Im not good in english at all. I just write dumb poems when i feel like giving up on life. My way of talking to myself since I don’t have anyone to talk to.