My shadow, is shredding skin. Drowning my soul, descended angel, fill me with sin.
I can’t turn back now, I’ve said too much.
I greet the end.
Its so warm and calm inside. The depth of the drop will be sufficient for a quick numb. Soon. All gone.
I am heading back to my room to get my mp3 player before hitting the beach. I want to walk it as I watch the moon rise to kiss the stars. Soon, I will be one of those amazing lights up there.
Walk with me? Leave your invisible footprints beside mine. I won’t tell. 🙂
Love to you all.
Life was starting to be fine for me after a while. Then I meet you and feel in love. Life was really looking up.
Then we started having problems. Found out you were a paid escort. Slept with thousands of guys. Found out you had been in the mental ward. Had autism along with some other fine side effects such as depression, bi polar and other things.
I tried to work past all of that even knowing you had been married 5 times before. Sorry to say I did not leave and stay gone when I should have.
No I stayed and absorbed all of your issues. You took everything I had. Family. Friends. My money. My house. Everything.
Now I am broken and cannot bear to keep breathing. You ruined me. I think I lived a pretty full life and have no regrets about leaving it now. Only thing is I just have to figure out the way to go easily.
Either it will be
Private hotel room with sleeping pills a razor and alcohol in a hot bath tub
Have not figured out which yet as I have a couple things to finish before I go.
Good bye penny Anderson. I love you and hope you have that perfect fantasy life you want. Just remember this is your fault. You and the sickness that is you.
There are so many things that I have trouble discussing. I find the most indirect and vague way imaginable to get my point across so I don’t have to say it. I guess this is just another one of those things. Its funny how a moment can change..
His fingers find my face
A soft and gentle touch
My heart begins to race
His presence is too much
I melt into his palm
He slowly pulls me in
I try to keep calm
But a transformation begins
His hands turn to ice
His nails pierce my skin
Darkness fills his eyes
And takes him from within
My backs against the wall
A fight I cannot win
He is far too strong
Now my arms are pinned
He begins to hiss
A string of hurtful words
He’s lost in impure bliss
Destroying my world
I beg him to stop
He only persists
Soon my body drops
He’s stolen me: I’m his
I’ve been too depressed to do any research on how to best kill my fat and half way crippled self. I can’t even make friends because people somehow have the idea that my life is a privileged bowl of cherries when I’ve never had shit, have been homeless off and on chronically for my entire life, exactly what the hell is being given to me? Not a damn thing. But anyway, that really pissed me off. Way to keep pushing me over the edge! I’m starting to think my generation is the worst, full of the most superficial dickheads who are all still single and still waiting for supermodels, beauty queens and porn stars to fall all over them. All I want is someone relatively around my own age, 30-40ish, who’s taller than me, can make me laugh and hold a conversation, and whose looks scare the hell out of everyone else but turn me on. I used to be the person who dyed my hair black, wore black eyeliner and painted my nails black, had chains on my pants and boots, and I like freaky people like me. So I have the corporate space job now and dress professionally. But I wouldn’t mind being the breadwinner if I could get a full time job if I could just have my loverboy at home. And if I don’t get this in the immediate future, I will find a way to kill myself. I can’t bear this pain any longer, with the daily stares and looks of hatred and disgust from everyone as I go to and from work.
Why do we even try? Before we were born, nothing existed to us, and when we die, we’ll return to the same non-existent state where nothing will matter to us anymore because, well, we just won’t “be”. Soon, our accomplishments and memories will fade within the skies and the soil, and sure, some of us may be remembered, but even then, does it really last that long? Is it worth doing anything if it’ll all crumble? Honestly, it’s complicated…
I think I’m going to kill myself soon. I’m not sure when, but I’ve started to formulate a plan. So many times before, when I’ve thought of ending it, the people I loved and cared for held me back. I don’t have that anymore. It just hurts knowing I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve to get an education, to travel, to own nice things, or have other people love me unconditionally. My entire time on this planet has just been reinforcing this idea the entire time. I’m tired. I just want to go to sleep and never wake up.
I think you can go home soon, soul.
21 years old, I have loved, was loved in return, laughed, cried, hated, etc.
What more does this life hold for me except basically repeat?
I remember standing there with tears in my eyes looking at the river saying “I am proud of having managed to live twenty one years. Twenty one years.”
That was about 8 months ago.
I have a job and friends and medication but the pain keeps coming back. Do I have to, do I want to bear it until my body, inevitable as it is, dies someday?
Why not speed things up. For so many years my soul has been craving to go home. Why should I not answer it’s call. Isn’t that what your heart desires, and may it be torn and blackened and tear stained, your true wish, perhaps even destination? Am I just rambling on? Is it, there and consistant for so many years, not the pure and crystal clear epitome of what you should do? Please, embrace my soul and let it go home.
I keep dreaming of a different life
I keep hoping to be a better person
I keep praying for a brighter sun
Yet I keep holding this knife
A new start they say
Its your chance to be whatever you want
But every time I try to imagine, my mind taunts me
With these fantastic images of what may be one day
You’ll be a hero, a friend, a savior
You’ll change the world for the better
You’l finally forget her
You’ll finally change your behavior
These pictures in my head
I can see they are lies
And I know that even if I tried
Soon, I’d just wind up dead
I’ve tried starting again
Worked hard and followed the rules
I threw out the blades and reached for new tools
But I always end up bleeding in the end
So much has changed but so much has not
A new place, a new crowd
But the same me, the same frown
It’s an new chapter but it has the same plot
Headaches are getting worse. I don’t give a fuck about anything. I stick around to play warface on on Steam with some guys I know. Because nothing “important” will hold my interest.
I can feel that my time is soon. Probably once I pick up a bottle of Maker’s from my ambassador barrel. That’ll be what I drink from when it’s time. Here’s to my 29th birthday. Come November, it can all be over. My smokes, my bourbon, my rope.
Alone with her thoughts
Alone in her room
Little did she know
Her story would end soon
No more sadness
No more pain
No more purging
To stop the gain
She sees her body
She hates each mark
Can’t stand the sight
So she lays in the dark
She cries in the night
And finds her blade
She thinks of every
Mistake she’s made
She begins to think
She’s better off dead
The thought of being
Rushes through her head
She grabbed some pills
And a small red cup
She wanted to fall asleep
And never wake up
Empty the bottle
Down each pill
Soon she will be
She was sad to go
But it was for the best
She got what she wanted
At least I can make someone proud of me. It may not be you as a parent of me but it’s someone who acts more like a mother to me than you ever have. I’ve tried so hard for you to be proud of me and yet you’ve never said it. Soon I’m going to stop trying and give up but for now you still have a chance. I don’t know what else to do. So just so you know I’m done trying to please you I’m going to do everything in my own will to please the one person who acts like a mother to me and it may not be easy but at least it’s possible.
Laying here alone in bed
Staring the cuts on my legs
Wondering is it even worth it
Is it even worth living this life knowing everything is against you
Yes it’s worth it, you hear from everyone
But that one little voice in your head tells you its not
That little voice powers over everyone’s voice
Soon enough this life you live becomes dark lifeless emotionless
Listen to the noises around you
Listen as they fade away
Soon this life you live becomes over
I’m 16 from a supportive family. I have a Girlfriend that treats me well and I have solid friends. But I can’t seem to take happiness from anything. I’ve planned everything to just give up and leave but I can never seem to take the last step, I really just want all of this to go away but I’ve tried everything, im ready to go, and im just looking for that one little push to tell me its time
I honestly hate myself more than someone could ever do 🙁 Why did i have to be born in this place and body , why do i have to suffer so much. I am not a normal person anymore, my body is starting to slowly die. I am pale and always cold, i dont go out anymore , all i do is lock myself in my dark room and barely eat anything. I am scared that it will hurt when i do it, but i decided that there is nothing left for me.
I hate looking myself at the mirror , it just reminds me of how i will never be good enough to be happy. I am so depressed that i cant even feel emotional pain anymore, i cant cry i just stopped feeling. There is absolutely no way that i can fix my life, it was ruined since the moment i was born.
I am genetically designedÂ Â for failure , everything in my life is a complete fail. Its not what i do or how i act, its who i am. My time in this world has ended and i honestly wish none ever feels the way i feel right now. I lost my soul.
Its happening soon, i am scared but i there is no turning back.
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