In 1993 I committed suicide. It came after years of attempts, and it came not from a long, considered planning process but by sheer circumstance. Looking for one thing I found another. A precursor of sorts. Combined with something else at hand the deed was done. Just before losing consciousness the phone rang. Not knowing I was about to pass out I answered the phone. Then I passed out. When I woke up in an ICU the next day I was angry. So angry that I ripped out the IVs and stalked out of the unit with a gaggle of nurses trailing behind me. I […]
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I just want to share a story, my story, for anyone that might care to read it. Â It will probably be the only thing I post on this website. Â You’ll never know who I am and I will never know who you are, but perhaps we’ll meet someday, get drunk together, and you’ll tell your story and mention a story you read on this stupid website and I’ll say “hey, that was me! Â I wrote that!”. Â And we’ll laugh about it and go build a bonfire in the woods and howl at the moon, or something. Â That’s the kinda thing I like to do, anyway, […]
While loneliness is a major issue for me, it appears there are many others whose mindset is similar to mine, a desire to end it. While many of you are younger, and I am not, I seek someone to share one last road trip with. To the Lost Coast and Redwood forests of northern California. Starvation/dehydration will be my method. A few final days of music, nature, and a final enjoyable meal. I am not abusive or aggressive in any way, which is part of my problem, we meek and humble sorts just don’t function well in a dog-eat-dog world. […]
i decided to do a bit of a project, an experiment of sorts …
im not going to touch my phone all weekend. i want to see what my friends will do, or if they will even notice. The thing is I’m scarficing alot just to do this, and Im not even sure why im doing it … I stayed home last night, which for me is not normal. Im always out on weekends. Im missing good parties this weekend. Part of me wants to pick up my phone and make plans but it’s just one weekend right? I just need a break from society, a break […]
Feels like I’m aimlessly floating. The addictions I can’t seem to beat and the ones I just don’t want to or see the need to leave behind. Tired of not living.. but don’t really feel like I want to ‘live’ anymore. Floating around and around. Moving inside my head. Thoughts telling me that I’m not here, I’m not really here.. Just watching everything pass by. I’m not on any medication or drugs, thank you very much. This is how things are. Music drives me. Tales of adventures and forbidden love. I get lost in other worlds.. I can’t handle this one. It can’t handle me. […]
i really dont know what to feel today, and i felt the same last night. i just really dont know what i feel, or if im feeling at all. i looked at myself in the mirror, and i just look blank. my eyes are blank my face is blank. i dont know if i should be worried or not. but i beleive i feel something, because sometimes i get a heavyness in my chest. almost like somethings missing. but it could always be my imagination.
so theres a rant ive wanted to do for a while and id really love your guyses thoughts on it if […]
Hey everyone! I just wanted to share something….
Lately, I’ve been wishing for my death whenever I’m irritated. I’m sort of easily annoyed. Little things get under my skin. Like, whenever someone comes into my room and leaves my room without shutting the door. That really pisses me off. Whenever I try to get my uncle’s attention and he takes forever to respond (He deliberately does that) because he’s focused on his iPhone irks me, too. I dislike going through the trouble of doing something for someone else because they choose not to do it themselves (Referring to family. I am the youngest, so I’m ‘bossed’ […]
I don’t know why, I don’t know how. All I know is that I can make myself feel better for a while by giving myself 1 or 2 almighty punches in the side of the head. I don’t know if giving myself a headache gives me something to concentrate on, or whether it just shakes my noggin enough to make it work properly for a while.  If it’s the latter, maybe it’s similar to The Fonz hitting the side of the jukebox at Arnold’s. Happy days.
I now understand why cutters do what they do. Whilst my preferred method of self-treatment isn’t cutting, I can see how it might work for […]
iv had a lot of thing happen to me in my life but the one thing that iv learned is that the people and things that are closest to you are the things that can hurt you
the most.
just recently i left my dad (im 16 by the way), my parents are divorced and every since iv felt like an empty shell, not because they are divorced but because they
are such different people.
all i want is to be normal, to get good exam results and go to a good college and get a good job, but i cant, i cant because i […]
Professional psychological counseling is still two weeks away, been treading water while friends hit me with oars. To help me, I guess. That’s what it feels like sometimes. The lies they tell me to “comfort” me have been exposed once more by their behavior and thoughtlessness and it sickens me and drags me deeper, even though it was meant to help. That life vest seems pretty appealing, then you put it on, and then they tell you “by the way, it’s made of concrete”. Down you go.
For longer than I can remember, I say I am a unhappy, existence is meaningless, people are deluded, the […]
In short, my brother killed himself april of 2011. He was my only brother and he will always be my closest and best friend, a hero of sorts for a little brother if you understand the relationships between siblings. anyway, he was 29 married no children and i was 21. few months after he passed away i was going to shoot myself in the heart with a 12-guage slug to ensure death and hopefully immidietly death would follow. to this day i don’t know what changed my mind, not fear of death but i guess fear for my family’s wellbeing.. but anyway.. i think about him everyday. shortly after his death i became deeply addicted […]
First post being my last post.. Just kidding, hope some still have a sense of humor.
by holy grail
written by holy grail
I’ve never sought help like this, nor looked for it. I’m bored and finished watching a movie(The Wackness). If you have seen this movie, i can relate to that kid and his heartbreak. I’ve only suffered one heartbreak, and it has nothing to do with where I am at(level of depression). That being said, I’ve done far much more damage to others. Not saying I’m a whore of sorts, just having issues with this backlash of reality.
OK, lets shorten this up so I have a chance to capture someone who can relate or pretend to relate. I was the happiest fat man in the world. […]
Hi Guys,
I have been thinking of killing myself every single day for the past 4 years…since the love of my life killed himself. We are all drawn here, I think, by the fact that we are deep down hoping that somehow we will find a way to keep from giving up. And….I think that we all care about each other in a weird way, and share in kinship of sorts. I have 3 kids, and it has only been because of them that I have managed to hang on by a thread. But even though I know how much I would destroy their lives, its feels almost […]