Day 1
I was born to this unforgiving world, and thinking now i wished that i never existed
8 years of my life that i suffered with my Family without knowing the reason….
I was born in a family of a Father working on another country that I’ve never seen until recently, a Mother who tends to destroy me physically,mentally and spiritually, beating me and locking me up for a small mistake and makes my body bleed for a case like for a single piece […]
Tag:
Stares
It’s been a long time… I’m just so ready for it to just…end.
I’ve reached a new low. A low, where the first time in my life, the cutting isn’t enough. The distractions, the stories… even my art has become dull and lifeless. Leaving the house is painful. Seeing so much happiness. It hurts, so much. And the stares, the rumors. I pretend they don’t bother me, but when I’m alone, their words are sharper than any of my knives. I found this movie, stumbled on it, really… And it seems so stupid. Â So fake- but I love it. The idea of finding a world….a place […]
She stares out through the front window
Of her small one story home
A shadow won’t be cast down on that carpet anymore
Who knew that sunlight could be so cold
She lies down on the bed
Thoughts trailing of blood run through her head
She knows why the sky is blue
Don’t ask me why she knew
She stands up again
Light shines on her thin hand
Her days are numbered like sands
Through an hourglass
Her shadow will be no longer
Cast down on the now blood-red floor
She thought that she was stronger
Not to stay there anymore
Yes, she thought she was strong
What she thought was so wrong
In the end she was so weak
For deciding to not […]
I never thought that the people i watched on the tv in health class could one day be me. I never thought i would feel so helpless that i would want to die. But i do…and have attempted sciucide three times, each time i have either been stopped by someone, or it just didnt work. I think that this depression, or feelings of depression came about the start of my 9th grade year. Everyone has a group of friends, i was too unsocial to join one and now im too late, everyone always says; oh wow your so funny or you crack me up, but […]
Let me start this off by saying that I don’t have a bad life. I have two loving parents. I have a brother, a sister, and a sister in law who all love me. I also have a niece and many aunts, uncles, and cousins who love me. Yet, I still feel alone. I feel like nothing I do matters. I feel like I’m drowning in the ocean and every once in a while I catch some air, only to be forcibly dragged back down into the current.
I am not a horrible looking person but I refuse to live the “social norm†that people […]
I wish everyone saw themselves as beautiful. The world would be a better place. I wouldn’t be anorexic.. I probably would not have social anxiety and depression I know my depression is not just because I think I’m fat and ugly but I think I would have gotten a lot better by now if I did not destroy myself with my own thoughts every day. Why does even matter to me so much. I hate when people give me attention I hate stares so why do I want to be beautiful and thin.
Saw more than a dozen pregnant women today; a bit of my self died with that abortion.
by whyohwhysky
written by whyohwhysky
And the rest may soon too.
Some of you know my story already. Well, I/m getting older every day and as a 22 year old female in this society, youth and beauty are the only value that can be given to a man in a relationship. I spent (wasted) two years of my best years and now my value has declined. I know this sounds harsh, Â but men become more attractive as they age and women–well, in society’s view– become bitchy, controlling, bitter and sexually invisible after a certain age. Biologically, men are wired to be attracted to youth and thus, fecundity.
Anywho, I’ll save my ranting. […]
okay this has nothing to do with suicide i just need to get this out you don’t have to read if ya don’t want to.
************************************************************
So my bff likes this guy and he’s amazing he’s taller than me (I’m 5’9 in the seventh grade) and he loves all the music I do, he connects with me, and we never get bored of eachother when we talk… it’s clear that i like him too. and I realllllyyy really like him, and I think he likes me (he always stares at me and smiles when I come and talk to him and smiles whenever he sees […]
So, I’ve been happy. But things still don’t go how I need them to. Â Trevor will talk to me, of course. He even jokes with me and stuff. But he also still goes out with Kendall. But still. I wish it was me in her place. Gosh. The sad thing is that he doesn’t have a “type”. I can’t figure out what it is that he likes in a girl! He has dated girls that are nothing alike! None of them have anything in common. Anyway, it’s not like it would matter anyway. If he doesn’t like me, good for him. I’m not going to […]
I’m 23 years old.
In two week I’m getting kicked out of college. I allowed my depression to take over my life to the point where I couldn’t get out of bed for class, I would sleep for days and not do my homework. Now, after months on probation, I’m actually getting kicked out.
I have no where to go. I can’t bear the thought of telling my family that I was so stupid I got kicked out.
My entire identity and life is tied up in going to school (for math). This is all I’ve ever envisioned in my life. I don’t know what else to do […]
My name is Nothing.
At least, that’s what The Clowns calls me.
I slip on my clothes and stumble down stairs. The Mrs.Clown is getting ready for work while The Mr.Clown reads the paper. As if I am a ghost, they stare through me and I slump into the chair at the table. The Ms.Clown tosses a breakfast plate in the direction it thinks I am. I reach out and catch it. Lies again. I think to myself, “Is there nothing else to eat in the world?” I pick the word love up and bring it to my mouth it tastes bitter, but it is needed […]
i got a girlfriend! woohooo. asked her out on tuesday. she said yes. so now me and her are together.. but shes pretty busy so we dont get to hang out much.
i told one of my friend about how i have a girlfriend and hes like “what? but you’re not a lesbian.” and that just pissed me off. yah im not a lesbian. im pansexual.
i burnt my finger last night.. got bored so i was melting plastic with my lighter and it dripped onto my finger, i hope it doesnt get infected..
got a new look, more punk now and i LOVE it. tho i do […]
I am extremely unhappy. Whereas a few days ago I had a little bit of hope and miniscule amounts of positive energy, these last 48 hours I have been depleted. My heart has slowed and my body has sunken in.
I am terrified. Today in class I could hardly breathe. I tried to duck out before it started but I ran into the professor. I could barely speak and I was trying not to get sick the whole time. Electric stomach, glass eyes. I had to wait in the building before leaving to go back to my room because I couldn’t handle the idea of people […]
continuation of things i dislike sorry im going crazy i need to get this out
by idunno
written by idunno
im panicking just let me get this out
(i dont mean for anyone to take these things too personally, i just need to share..)
i might come across really negative, dont let it effect you… im really a good person)
please feel free to give me some suggestions to add to the list, i’d really appreciate any feedback
i hate the doctors office
i hate cards (birthday, greetings….theyre so corny
the dentist
the phrase “how are you” and the conforming answer”well, thanks, yourself?”
hate how there’s little options as to what you get in life.
perfume
i hate how i have to lie to myself by thinking positively
i hate how i wanna runaway but i […]
Everyday I dream of winter. Â The warm blankets wrapped around me, while I stare out at the dark moonlit night, watching snowflakes drift past my window. Â This saddening feeling, of utter loss, while the sky and ground alike form puddles. Â Bending and twisting, falling and repeating, tears roll down my tired, worn out cheeks. Â The door closed behind me, the window open wide. Â A cold wind twists my hair about, ending in a messy curl about my neck. Â Memories slowly happen again before my eyes, reliving past joys. Â This old woman, with tears still in her eyes, smiles sweetly and warmly, before saying goodbye to […]
i was never happy. how could i be? i am colorblind. i can see colors…but they have no meaning. no feelings, no happiness. there are 7 billion people in this world. i am only one. one. just one. small and useless i waste away. my past haunts me, nagging at my every thought. happiness is only short and temporary but i soak it in while it lasts. im sorry. ok im not fuking perfet, get over it. i might not text back right away. i might not always smell ilke rainbows and unicorns. my hair might not be amazingly lush and flowing, i might have […]
Ive tried to tell myself that it was just a phase, for the fact that it is common for a teenager of the female gender to develop feelings, or in my case, fall in love, with their male best friend. And since I run every feeling and thought underneath a “Logic” magnifying glass, I’ve been able to coax myself into believing that when I fell in love with my best friend at the age of 15 it was because of the fact that we had known each other for so long before we were teens, that the reason that he was my first kiss is […]
I’ve been reading things that I wrote about two and half years ago when I found :
Deep inside a darkness resides, a black hole of nothingness.
An emptiness that sucks the life force out of you.
A void that whispers: “You are tired of living, give up!â€.
The pit of endless sorrow threatens you at every fall.
And now, when I stare into the abyss within…
It stares back at me with its cruel vicious eyes.
It’s funny to see how nothing has changed during this time…
Tupac – Wonder Why They Call You *****
Inspired by the above:
Drowning in alcohol,
A man of no lord, no regard for toll,
No reason to live, a jilted soul,
She’s condemned him to a liquor prison,
To this poison of ethanol.
Drinking spirits,
Desperate to fill the void of an abyss within,
Sitting in the darkness of a cornered booth,
Why doesn’t he ever walk away,
Escape from the this cage of musk and sin?
Yahh. Everyone asks that question. “Are you OK”? What do you think Im going to say? You expect me to just completeley scream out my feelings.. No! Im going to say “Yahh. Its all good”. Well. I used to. But I need to tell someone my feelings.. Im only 12. I live in Florida, and my stepdad and mom moved me away from my family in Minnesota. 🙁 I have a 5 year old little sister who looks entirely up to me.. And my mom is pregnant with a boy now. I want to kill myself. I might. Im in the seventh grade. I went […]
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