Well… I don’t know… I have three older brothers my first brother is 15 years older than me so I pretty much grew up without him, my second oldest brother is 12 years older hes nice sometimes but it seems like he’s always obsessing over me.. He calls me baby and says he loves me and gives me hugs and kisses most of the time forcefully and smacks my butt and I scream at him to stop and my youngest brother is 5 years older than me… He’s my closest brother.. It was so hard for me when he left for college.. I didn’t know […]
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Steak Knife
I am young, (13 almost 14) and I know I should be weird with my emotions. I have suicidal thoughts all of the time. I cry for no reason, suffer from insomnia, and have constant headaches with no medical reasoning. I’ve taken tests online, searched up the symptoms of depression, and all that stuff, and I am sure that I have it. I was okay until I broke my ankle (like a month ago, still have the cast today) where I got a lot worse. Now I just want to die, no matter what. I’ve been so close to trying to drown myself, and while […]
I’ve wanted to die not long after I’d been born. The first time I tried to kill myself was when I was four years old. And for the people who have told me that my brain wasn’t fully developed yet, its impossible, i wasn’t capable of feeling suicidal, bullshit. I remember it. I wanted to die and I was perfectly capable of feeling hopeless. Â The next seven times I tried to kill myself was when I was ten years old and living in hell. I remember I brought a large steak knife up to my room and just held it up to my neck till […]
I am a 29 year old male. I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember. I have attempted suicide several times, I chose to believe that perhaps there was a reason why I survived. As if there a purpose to my existence. However at this point I have abandoned that frail belief and have chosen to give up completely. I can not remember most of my past, the memories are there but they have become so faded and blurry I can no longer distinguish the realities of my past with the vibrant thoughts of my once over active imagination.
The first attempt […]
I work in a restaurant.
I am constantly surrounded by knives.
God, it’s so damn tempting.
Music is what stops me from cutting…but I can’t really have my headphones in, and I can’t blast death metal in a family restaurant for some reason.
So what am I supposed to do?
It’s so hard not to pick up a steak knife and cut my wrist up.
The only reason I haven’t is thanks to my boss.
My boss is my neighbour, family friend, and my boyfriends father.
I don’t want him to be ashamed of me, because he’s the reason I have my job.
But it’s hard…sometimes I wonder if the urge to cut […]
Hey everybody, I’m new here…..kind of. Anyways I felt like I wanted to share my story, but I have no idea where to start or how to start. So I’m just going to ramble on and on until I feel like it should end.
I guess I was always suicidal. I’ve always thought of suicide as a little girl and its almost an obsession now. I remember trying to commit suicide when I was six or seven, but not strong enough to push the steak knife into the skin of my neck. Such a weak little girl I was. Anyways about two years ago is when […]
I looked back on some of the things I had written and realized that they didn’t apply to the rules of this website. So I deleted them. Up to this point, this message doesn’t apply to the rules of this website, so I should delete it. Until now. I can not stop thinking about killing myself. It’s everywhere I turn, everywhere I look. Eating dinner…stab myself in the jugular with my steak knife. Riding to work…just swerve in front of the oncoming traffic. Going to sleep…maybe I should take all my sleeping pills. I can’t get away from it.
When I was a small child I prayed many times to disappear into my Winnie the Pooh books, where I could be happy forever. That was a dumb prayer, though, and anyway it never happened, so I’m still here. I kept a knife under my mattress for a week, after I had a dream that a psychopathic killer was coming for me. In the dream, I decided that the best thing to do was to kill myself before the murderer got to me, as I could give myself a quick, easy end with the knife and spare myself a torturous death. As an […]