continuing from Story of my life.. part 2
It was Christmas eve, everything was great. Until Nick came up to me and told me he couldn’t be with me any longer. He told me he had fallen out of love. That was it. He walked away. I didn’t know what to do. At first I was doubting it even happened. It was probably another daydream of some sort. But it was true. He left me standing in a hallway, never looked back. I was told to just move on. Time will heal. In a few weeks you’ll be just fine. There’s lots of fish in the sea! But there was only him that supported me through everything I went through. Even my best friends thought I was being over dramatic. But not him. He held my hand through it all. He held my hand when I laid on a stretcher in a gown waiting to go into surgery. He held my hand when my doctor told me I had herpes and HIV due to the rape. He held my hand when I wanted to hurt myself. He would sit down right next to me and hand me a razor. “If you feel the need to cut, cut me. I will endure all the pain in the world for you, as long as you’ll be happy.” But now he’s gone. He left me three months ago. And I’m not going to lie, or even sugar coat this. I was in love with him. I’m young, but I know what love is. And when you love someone, time doesn’t make it better. Waking up every morning knowing he’s further and further away from you never gets easier. It’s like a hole in your heart. And it grows everyday. You feel empty and hopeless inside. I’ve tried everything to feel something again. I’ve smoked until I’m sick. I’ve cut my legs until blood soaks through my jeans. I’ve drank to the point of severe alcohol poisoning. I’ve played Russian Roulette. I’ve tried putting myself out there. Tried to find someone new to occupy myself with so I can’t dwell on his memories. But every night I still find myself crying over Nick. Maybe it’s all ridiculous. I don’t know.
This concludes the story of my life “series” (for lack of better word). I’ll continue writing daily about specific events, such as the rape, abortion, stds, dreams, etc. If anyone has any requests, just comment. I promise to write a post or comment back in response. Thank you to all who have been reading my life story. I hope you enjoyed.