…that maybe what makes me stay is knowing that I can go whenever I want or feel like going!
…that that gives me Peace and Strenght to go on!
…that suicide thoughts matured me enough to look around like I was already dead!
…and that I feel like a spirit most of the time…
I’m happy this way, I don’t want to belong!
I’ll surf  Life’s waves as they approach me…
<3 u all, blahh
Every morning when im wakeing up im still wondering why im still here.
My story.
Im been bullied hole my young life from my second grade to seventh grade.
I been beaten, called names, push around and much more. When i was 15 years old
i try to take my own life by drowning my self to river. I was in the river swiming couple
hours just around and around waiting my strenght to run out. Then i started to feel weak.
Then i sit to one rock and thinking now or never. I was thinking about alot of things
but i dunno enymore what make my mind to chance from the […]
This just made me cry so much.
Please watch, it might give someone the strenght to hold on for a little longer!
Imagine somewhere dark.Â
Now imagine yourself in the middle of it.
Imagine yourself in a cell, with no way out.
You’re scraming, you’re crying but no one hears you. There’s no one around you. You’ve pushed away everyone who cared.
Imagine you have no clothes on, you’re naked, there’s nothing protecting you from the cold iron surrounding you. You are powerless.
There’s smoke around you, growing thicker and thicker. It’s dark. It’s feels like darkness’ tendrils. They start surrounding you, not allowing you to move, you are stuck.
Stuck in a cell, not able to move, all by yourself. There’s no strenght left in you, each breath already drains so much […]
Finals time.
At the beggining of the semester I thought “this semester will be different, I will be able to focus, I will be able to pass the subjects.”
A few months later, and nothing changed. It’s still the same old shit. I haven’t found the strenght to change.
4/5 exams are done. 3 of which I didn’t pass (one of them I didn’t even finish the exam, left halfway through it). My last grade is out. But I am too afraid to go check it. I know I have failed it. But to see that I in fact did, will throw me down for sure. I know […]
“It’s a new day”, she thinks.
Open the blinds, the sun is shinning. She grabs her laptop, opens up itunes and puts some happy song playing.
“This will be a better day, it has to be.”
Hops up in the shower, singing along with the music, feeling the water wash away all the bad stuff. It almost seems like everything is okey, like the darkness is starting to go away. Her long hair is all pretty, and she looks at the mirror comtemplating herself.
“Maybe today someone will understand, maybe today someone will truly be there for me. Maybe I won’t be alone anymore.”
The music is still playing while […]
A black whole that sucks all of my energy, like a dark tunel, however there is no sign of any bright light at the end of it.
– That’s how I have been feeling for the past couple years.
Last year was the worst year of my life. My mom was diagnosed with cancer. I had never seen so much pain in my life, so much darkness. Even though I saw the light too, the strenght of one’s fight, all started being consumed by the darkness. Thankfully, everything is okey now, my mom has fully recovered. However, I feel like it just all hit me. I am […]
Confused. That’s the feeling which describes me the most. I’m male, 22, and I’m currently engaged in a Master Degree. I had depressions before, I also had suicidal thoughts before, but I never tried it. I don’t fear my death, on the contrary, the idea itself is very pleasant to me, but I simply can’t decide wether I kill myself or not.
I know I’m responsible for all mistakes I’ve made. Problem is that I’m the failure. I feel like I shouldn’t stay alive because I’m a pain for everyone who surrounds me. I do have some friends, my parents are divorced, but fine, and they […]
im trying to force my way through today to be positive, my friend recently moved out of my house and she lives quiet a way away now and i really miss her, my brother also moved even furthur away recently. i really miss being able to easily hang around with them, they were my reasons for waking up, they still are, its just abit more difficult. i feel kind of lost, i like being around people when the black cloud of deppresion isnt horribly distorting who i am. so im going to try and go outside today, even if its just walking around in my […]
Today I burried love. I dont think the statment needs an explaination, anyone who has truely loved and lost must know how It feels. For those who don’t imagine choking and trying to breathe yet your unable to, one must not confuse it with physical pain but the emotional pain which one is unable to overcome. But the post today isn’t really about explainations, this time i dont need them… burrying love doesnt have a justification, or an explaination.
This post is about questioning how must one go on, I mean what do i do now that the future seems to be becoming my past, tomorrow it will […]
Yeah 2 posts in, how much? 3 days? maybe it’s just 2. This is kinda sad. Cause I mean, the thing that I’m writing here, in a language which is not even mine, makes me realise how damn lonely I am here and, well, to feel so lonely to decide to write on a web site twice in 3 days or something it’s kinda depressing. As if I wasn’t depressed even before. But, as always, I’m fucking procastinating.
And the thing is that I’m fucking procastinating cause I don’t wanna get to the point. Cause the point has been just in front of my eyes for days […]
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