Tag:

Suicidal Ideations

Happy Birthday

by the-lord-of-the-lamps 6/6/2015

written by the-lord-of-the-lamps

I turned 18 June 5th, and I was so ashamed of myself because I never thought I’d make it this far. I thought I’d be dead by now. I know I’m going to die soon, I’m getting too tired too fast and my will to live is almost nonexistent at this point. I’m not going to make it to graduation, but that’s okay, I was just another nameless face in the crowd. I’ve never been anyone special.

I wanted to be someone special, though. I wanted to be some great writer. I had such big ideas and dreams, but my depression killed them a long time […]

6/6/2015 3 comments

Seven

by the-lord-of-the-lamps 5/22/2015

written by the-lord-of-the-lamps

I really don’t even know what to put here. We just took our final in baking and I had my workshop in creative writing on Thursday, so now that I don’t have any responsibilities anymore, I feel like it’s a good time to finally end this.

I’m so tired of fighting. I just can’t do it anymore. I don’t have the energy, and it’s not like anything is going to get better.

Sitting here writing this, I’m thinking of how it’s been well over a year since I left my house to hang out with friends. They really don’t care, do they? That’s my own fault, though. […]

5/22/2015 0 comment

Six

by the-lord-of-the-lamps 5/18/2015

written by the-lord-of-the-lamps

Life is fleeting. The only good thing about my life is that one day, I will die. The inevitability of death is comforting, in a way. It doesn’t matter how much I fuck up because one day it will all just be over. It doesn’t matter how alone I am because one day I’ll just leave everyone behind.

I used to be scared. I was absolutely terrified of dying and what happens after. Now, I just can’t wait for everything to end. It doesn’t matter what happens after I die, I don’t care anymore. Sure, I have things I want to accomplish before I pass, but I know […]

5/18/2015 1 comment

Five

by the-lord-of-the-lamps 5/12/2015

written by the-lord-of-the-lamps

I have this friend, who I will call L for privacy reasons, that really looks up to me for whatever reason. I’m a senior, and she’s a freshman, so I guess that might be why, but she said something today that really struck a chord in me. I go to a vocational-technical school, I’m in Baking and she’s in Drama. Whenever she performs she dedicates her performance to someone she cares about. Not some friend that lets her borrow their homework, no. Someone she truly cares for. Performing for someone, even if the person isn’t there, helps her do better and motivates her to try […]

5/12/2015 1 comment

One

by the-lord-of-the-lamps 5/7/2015

written by the-lord-of-the-lamps

Most of the time I just feel like I’m fading away. Like I’m just a ghost of who I once was. Like I’m ashes instead of fire.

I just feel so hollow and empty, and there’s nothing to fill the void. God, I used to be so passionate and full of life. Now I’m just a dumb kid with big dreams. Hopeless dreams, bigger than life itself. And knowing I’m not going to achieve any of them used to hurt me, but now it’s more of a dull ache.

The worst part is that nobody even sees it. I’m so fucking good at lying that nobody questions […]

5/7/2015 3 comments

Sorry

by the-lord-of-the-lamps 5/6/2015

written by the-lord-of-the-lamps

I went back to school today and regretted it immediately upon entering the building. My head hurt, I was nauseous, and I was beyond tired. Within the first hour of school, I could feel myself slipping. I had to go to the bathroom during baking to get myself together and not break down in tears. The worst part is, I don’t even know why I was so upset.

I had my sociology exam, I probably did fine, but it felt like I wasn’t comprehending the questions, my eyes were just reading the words.

In creative writing, my teacher asked if anyone had not started their short story yet. […]

5/6/2015 2 comments

Whatever

by the-lord-of-the-lamps 5/5/2015

written by the-lord-of-the-lamps

I stayed home from school again today, that makes 18 missed days for the year. I don’t think I’m allowed to miss any more or else the school will take us to court. I’ll probably still miss more anyway.

I have exams for my college courses this week, and I honestly could not possibly care less about my grades. I’m not going to college, anyway. I probably won’t even make it to my high school graduation.

Since the beginning of the semester, I’ve known about my final for my creative writing class. It’s a short story that has to be a minimum of 25 pages, double-spaced. This […]

5/5/2015 2 comments

My mind won’t stop/suicide cocktail

by misssK88 4/21/2015

written by misssK88

I keep trying to trudge on through. I keep trying to tell myself “it’ll get better” but there’s just this overwhelming bellowing scream in my soul that exclaims “fuck it!” “bail! bail! bail!” “don’t kid yourself, get it over with NOW!!!” I feel torn and conflicted because on the other side there’s this tiny voice that tells me to “please hold on, it will get better” I’m exhausted on this inner argument inside my mind. I just want my mind to SHUT THE FUCK UP! and what better way to do that than suicide? I’ve been hoarding my meds. So far I have enough adderall […]

4/21/2015 5 comments

Please read this – when you’re on the edge of doing IT…

by Oltun 6/15/2013

written by Oltun

Don’t. There is hope. There is much more than that. I’ve been studying it for 4 years now and I have to tell you: opiates are divinely efficient in chaging the way you feel, instantly. It’s unbelievable. If it wasn’t for them I’d be dead for sure at the age of 18 and I’m 22 now.
Opiates are very addictive, because they make you feel so good, 99% people with suicidal ideations have disrupted endogenous opioid system pathways. It’s always better to be an addict than being dead. Pharmaceutical industry is working on opioids that aren’t addictive, as well as anti-addiction drugs. NEVER LOSE HOPE […]

6/15/2013 10 comments

I think its time

by shinigamimicha 12/21/2012

written by shinigamimicha

This is me by the way.

Alright, well my names Michaela.
And I am 18 years old.
I just got out of the hospital on Monday for my depression and suicidal ideations.
I have been begging and pleading for a specific persons help for a long time so i wont have the feeling and urge to kill myself.
But he has been treating me like shit, putting me on the side and making me feel worthless.
I have had it.
He was the only thing keeping me […]

12/21/2012 11 comments