For years I’ve been afraid of fear. My main phobia is hands. How does an artist come to be so terrified of what she needs to use to create? And im not talking like an “ew, they’re creepy” fear, I mean full blown body shakes, nightmares, parinoia, the works.
and that’s only one of the endless list that i dont want to live.
There’s also heartache after constant heartbreak, the last one also the worst one, i just cant seem to recover from. Mainly because of the loss of my very first child.
There’s also having to choose between my parents, who divorced when […]
Tag:
Suicide Watch
I have fought severe depression and schizophrenia for a number of years. I go through bad times and then I can suffer through hell for months to a year or so at a time. As I write this I am in a downer period, voices constantly abuse me and tell me to kill myself and hallucinations frighten the absolute shit out of me to the point where I am screaming for help and crying my eyes out. I have had a number of suicide attempts but have been interrupted because of being on constant suicide watch. I did however have 2 very close attempts, on […]
I’m having a tough time reconciling much of anything: the numbness I feel, the suffering inflicted on me and others, the deep, penetrating emptiness I feel… It’s existentialist really; I simply can’t find an explanation for the absurdity of this mockery of a life, this incessant suffering that undercuts whatever joy I have left, or, rather, had.
I was kicked out of the house by my dad a year ago after I got into it with him over his alcoholism and my apparent laziness and moved in with my mom and stepdad; however, I left home to live on my school’s campus (it’s a boarding/day school) […]
I have failed yet again. I was just taken out of the hospital and I am now on a 24/7 Suicide watch. I thought I had finally succeeded when I had seen the bright Hospital lights. I guess the real reason I Am typing this is that I need a fast way to be gone. I have tried hanging, OD, cutting of and artery and drowning. Please I need a fast and almost painless way. I need fast becAuse although my parents don’t care about me I have one “friend” I guess but he calls if he doesn’t hear from me every 2 hours. […]
“Step one you say we need to talk,
he walks, you say sit down it’s just a talk,
He smiles politely back at you,
You stare politely right on through”
If only they would listen…
If only I could go back in time, to that night. Cherry. She jumped off the roof of a hospital. She drank until she found courage to swallow those pills. Called the cops on herself. That is what amazes me the most. Why had she called the cops? Why? If she was just going to go and jump off that building? I just want to go back in time, know […]
what happens in the afterlife to people who commit suicide ?
a metaphysical approach to suicide but mostly food for thought
ever read about the spirit world, spirit guides, soul contracts, exit points etc ?
if you haven’t, it’s better to do some research on those concepts before watching the vid
if you have but don’t believe in those concepts, it will probably be a waste of your time
i want to disappear, forever. it’s been a year, the most agonizing and painfully slow year of my life. i should be better, but i’m not.
recently, i was admitted into a psychiatric unit as an inpatient. i was on suicide watch. they locked me in a room and had a police guard sitting outside my door. then i was diagnosed with depression and borderline personality disorder. i had to call my mom. she cried. it hurt.
i cut. i hate myself. i hate my elephant body. i count calories meticulously, but i also go on terrible binges. i purge. my sad bouts get progressively worse. i […]
2 years ago I joine the marine corps. That wast dream to become a marine. I wanted to be the hero. When I went into the 13 weeks of misery known as boot camp I loved it. I enjoyed it. I met my closest friends there they knew everything about me and I knew everything about them . They were my best friends, my brothers. After basic I went to marine combat training MCT for short and there i was beginning to have suicidal thoughts. It hit me. I was I here ? What was I doing? Nobody was there no one. I felt alone. […]
I’m 19 now and I’ve been obsessed with suicide for about 28 months (to be precise :P) I don’t remember how it began… when I was 16 I started feeling depressed, literally because I hated myself, especially my appearance. I remember crying every time I looked in the mirror and crying randomly in public. I didn’t tell anyone… I don’t like talking about my problems to people I know well. Another reason I hated myself so much was because I felt so odd. I got so frustrated with myself and my inability to hold a conversation. I didn’t ever think of suicide at that time […]
Chapter Two of my story, which began with, “On Wednesday Night, I broke.”
On Friday, December 2, I attempted suicide. I hung myself by my neck with a cable TV coax strung through a metal shelf. I failed, because I was startled by an unexpected sensation of falling. I told my wife, and she called my mother, and the two of them put me on a sort of informal “suicide watch”. This is what happened after that.
On Sunday, my mother came over and spent most of the day with me. She’s a former cop and detective sergeant in the […]