Where to start..
I guess with how I’m feeling right now. I’m doing awful. And by awful I mean I want to kill myself. I wish that sometimes I would get the guts to try it again. Or I wish I would have died the first time.
My boyfriend has depression as well. And when he is having a bad day he just goes home. (Normally he stays with me as we mostly live together) Like today he got off work early. I didn’t know what time because he never told me. He just said he was having a hard time and didn’t want to […]
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Summer Job
As I am typing this, my life on paper sounds like the most ideal life anyone can hope to live. I did drop out of college and my job, but only for a few months as I’m planning to get a part time summer job and take classes again in the Fall (I’m lucky my parents didn’t punch me in the head for what I did). Everyone in my family is… family. Normal. Granted, my parents and I had our differences and argued sometimes, but that’s normal, isn’t it?
Childhood was relatively normal (minus being molested by two teeenage girls when I was like… 8? I […]
See- prom is coming up. Every year I go to prom with my friends and I have a great time. I don’t think this year will be fun. I’ve got a stressed head thinking about my final grades, college programming, summer job possibilities, dealing with family (cancer patients, old with broken bones, trying to live my life for me), and the person I love and whether or not we are going to get back together. If this were a movie, then I would exit prom drunk and happy with my friends and when he tried to take me back, I would either throw up on […]
I’ve completely ruined my life. Â But I don’t think I ever had one.
Things started spiriling out of control earlier this summer when I quit my job. I’ve been doing contract software development at home for years. It’s a life of sad isolation. I sit in my den and type away for days straight. The job was just going bad, I was losing interest and my boss new it. He pushed me and I snapped. It was sad, because when it started it seemed like there would be so much potential.
Anyway, something happened afterwards that made me realize I didn’t want to be a programmer anymore. […]
I will be off to college next august and I’m debating whether or not to try out the first semester before ending my life during winter break or ending it before college starts.  This decision needs to be made soon so that I can plan my summer. Should I get a summer job in order to go on a trip or prep and plan for my end? I know it’s really up to me, but for all you non 14 year-old, experienced ladies and gentlemen I would appreciate your opinion! Should I get a taste of college? I don’t like starting things I don’t plan […]