That is the question.
Do you guys ever dread going to bed, no matter how tired you might be, because you know once you get there you will be attacked by fear, sadness, loss, emptiness, and gut wrenching wailing, sobbing, the kind of crying where you don’t care if the neighbors can hear you, where the tears and snot soak your pillow, where you just can’t stop no matter how long it goes on, how hard it hurts, you’re locked in a fetal position, terrified, petrified, and lost..
My mind won’t focus on anything but suicide. Everyday I envision the multiple easy ways I could end it. I don’t only think about them, I visualize them. Like mini hallucinations. I’m terrified of what my brain is doing to me. Should I check myself in somewhere?
Anyone who says suicide is a choice is full of shit. Suicide is a battle, one you only hope you’ll survive.
All advice is welcome, and yes, I’m medicated.
Yet again another sleepless night… Afraid to close my eyes but terrified to keep them open… Sigh… Will it ever end?….
Dear mom,
I know this will hurt you for as long as you live. I don’t know what to say to ease the pain I’m going to cause, but I know that ‘sorry’ changes little. Though I will tell you why I did this, I know you’ll still be overwhelmed, confused, and hurt. Everything that was going through my head before I did this can be found in the Notes and Momento apps on my iPod if you’re interested. Everyone will probably think that this was an irrational decision done on impulse, but it wasn’t. There was a lot of thought put behind it, and there […]
when i first came here on this site i had a feeling, that most of persons here consider suicide as something right to do, the only thing to do. The only question was, how to do it. I was terrified. My brother commited suicide and thats why i came here in the first place. I wanted to know, how his minde worked, why he did it, by reading posts of other suicidal people. I thought it would help me with handling his death, but it made it worse,so it took a lot of courage to click on this page again today. But now I am […]
No matter how good I feel, no matter where I go or what I do, I always know that it’s coming. I’m scared to fall in love, I’m scared to make friends, I’m scared to have children. Because those things are all I’ve ever wanted, but I’m terrified that I’ll get them and then leave them. What kind of mother leaves her children on purpose? But I KNOW in my heart that having children won’t ever fix this. That as much as I may love them, I simply cannot stay. And I am SO sorry.
So it’s been a while since I posted but a lot has happened. I’ve been living in Germany for a few months now and it’s been amazing. I still have my job which I absolutely love. Finally got my flat sorted and I’m slowly learning to navigate this gorgeous city. I still have episodes and I’ve picked up a few tricks to help me combat them. Every day has been a revelation including the day I got the most amazing news a couple of weeks ago from my doctor; I’m having a baby! I’m so happy and excited and completely terrified. My boyfriend is taking […]
Exactly that. What does death mean to you? Some people are terrified of it, others happily embrace the idea. What do you think – is there such thing as an “afterlife?”
This is my second post on this site and again I am speaking of my girlfriend that broke up with me a few months ago. For a background on the situation please read my previous post to save me explaining it in this one.
So far life has got worse and worse, the last time I was happy was October 19th last year when I took her to a hotel and the rest for her bday which was on the 6th but I was busy working (to get more money to spend on her for her bday). I hadn’t spoke to her since the 12th of […]
im shivering
im cold
im crying
im broken
im alone
im terrified
im shivering
doors close
radio on
darkness within
no light
pain hurts
hurting now
doors close
feeling lonely
feeling useless
feeling worthless
feeling terrible
feeling hurt
feeling suicidal
feeling lonely
i scream
i yell
i talk
i whisper
i hear
i listen
i scream
within me
within darkness
within pain
within hurt
within loneliness
within brokenness
within me
I accidently texted my mom “my parents haven’t said a fucking word to me” that was supposed to go to my best friend. Now I’m locked in my room. Terrified to leave the safe place. Thinking about running away, driving away if I can get passed my parents, thinking about cutting, overdosing. Anything! I want to get out of this fucking place! I want to leave these bitches now! After next year I’m done with this shit! I’m going to live with my best friend. I am so fucking done!!!!
I cant stand the depressions i keep getting.im on all these fancy medications and ive had 6 major depressions in the last year.sometimes i loose hope and just want to hide but i cant and its painful just to breath.does anyone else feel this way?
Is being kind such a bad thing?
Kind and caring; two traits I’ve been deemed with ever since birthed into this strange, cruel world.
It seems like a blessing, whatever that means, but feels ultimately.. like a curse.
When one lives for others they find no room for themselves; they’re squeezed out of their own personal schedules and discarded as if meaningless.
When someone feels this way.. how can they ever turn back?
I’m already gone from my mind; am I truly missing?
Or am I still somewhere in the vastness of my own memories..?
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Waiting […]
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