all and all im happy right now and thats all that counts .Lifes to short to not make your self happy in life Â . when it all boils down to it ..i did it my way .and i cant complain because i got everything i wished for and prayed for.. thats how i know theRe is a God Â and He must love me .no one else does …the only thing i can tell you is God will give Â you what you Â pray for Â ..but the key in praying to HIM Â is use detail Â Â God im lonley Â ..so then God gives me a girl and its fun and then gone Â lol Â ,.i ask God whats going on …God tells me well next time us detail Â ,.all u ask for was a cute sexy honest women. I gave you what you wanted but next time use detail.the more detail the better the prayer…/// the better the ansWered prayer Â respectfully fRom bRYan thE SON OF HIGGINS Â Â Â ….. Â ALL I CAN DO IS SAY JESUS LOVES U Â AND LIFES WHAT U MAKE OF IT …and im having fun my lifes to short not to have fun Â and just remember im in love with love ….. not you Â Â thats called lust
There Is A God
Well..I am 27 years old. I feel cold inside, like I have no emotions or tears left. My heart feels like it has a large hole in it. I seriously have no friends or no one to talk to. All I ever do is work & stay home. I live in a country side of Alabama & nothing makes me happy anymore. I have thought about killing myself a few times but I know if I do then I will go straight to hell. But on the other hand, It feels like this life on earth is hell. I play guitar & drums for almost all of my life, and I do not even find joy in that anymore. I am not ugly, I am very clean cut type of guy but it just seems my life is empty. I feel I have no purpose on this life. I do wished I was dead. I feel I would be better off dead. I really enjoy helping other people & having reading some of these posts by other people really breaks my heart. But I do know how you all feel. I work two jobs, One as a Armed Security Officer & I am a part time Police Officer. Sounds great right? Wrong! I am so miserable in my life…if there is a God, then I really wished he would come back soon. I just wished I could find joy, happiness, something that will full fill my emptyness. A couple of years back, I would just sit in my room and cry and cry and cry for hours. And now, I barely can cry anymore..Maybe I ran out of tears? No one in my family likes me, and I do not even believe anyone likes me. I just really wished I would have never been born. I wished I was dead and be better off dead.
I found this site on accident..so maybe getting my feelings out to someone that may actually care, may help…who knows. Anyway..goodnight all
I’m 24 but i feel like i’m 16. Â This sumer has been the longest one ever I feel like I’m hiding from all my friends so that i don’t have to answer the question what are you doing right now? Whats next? Hows school?
What am I doing right now?! I”m trying not to fall off the edge every day feels the same and I’m wondering why am I still here why didn’t I die? Â I see news reports every day about innocent people being killed and i wonder why are they gone but i’m still here? Â Why couldn’t it work? Â Why am I so useless why can’t I be worthy to feel worthy to be here? Â Every day I keep wondering will it ever get better? Â Is this really just a phase? Â It can’t be because I’ve been in this phase for six years and there is no end in sight! Â I hate school I hate the program i’m in the people in it and as for whats next I have no fucking idea i’m kind of hoping about 3 bottles of pills to be honest.
I feel invisible like no one really sees me and sees what i’m going through, but then I don’t really want them to it’s so messed up for me at this point, maybe i just wish i knew someone was really there and that someone actually does care if i live or die because at this point that’s all i want. Â I want the pain to be gone for the hurt to be over and for the healing to finally start. Â I’m not a good person i’ve done some bad things and i don’t think if there is a God he could forgive me.
How do i break this cycle?
i found this site by accedent. i am 34 single parent that has lost everything exept my child. found something to hold me up and now i am loosing that to and i havent been coping and dont think i can cope anymore. the crying, the pain just won’t stop. it is now wensday i haven’t slept since fryday.Â every one tells me to hang on God will make it all beter. when is he going to do it when i sit with a pistolÂ placed and cocked behind my ear. plus everyone thinks they know what i am going throu, but its not them going throu it it’s me. i’m the one that lie in bed and can’t close my eyes because the blood heariling screams are in my head screaming at me.the only way for me to stop all of it is to end it and see if there is a god on the otherside. i’m so tierd of crying i cry and there are no tears anymore. i just want it to end i want to be happy and the more i go for it the more it kills me and knocks me down
This is my first post on this site. I just happened to google the title of my post and SP came up. HereÂ I go, I am so sick of not having someone in my life to do anything with. I know it sounds pathetic but its getting harder and harder not to wish for some quick death. All my life I have went out of the way to help people and be a good friend. I tried to be a good brother, a good son. I was always told “Don’t worry, you meet someone”. That gets old after hearing it a few years. I’m not the greatest looking guy in the world, but I am human and I do need someone to be with, to care for and to be taken care of. It hurts me to go out everyday and see others in a relationship and I play it off like I got no issues with it. I don’t know what to do, I give up. If there is a god why doesn’t he intervine somehow, help me a little.
My family hates me and I hate them.
I have no job.
I have 1 friend, but I am rapidly bringing her down to my level.
My purpose in life just got smashed. I realized it’s a lie and I’ve wasted my entire life on it.
I am not afraid of death. Death is the only thought that comforts me.
If there is a god, I want to meet it so I can kick its ass.
I am in physical pain 24hours/day from an accident.
My insurance runs out soon and I won’t get any more physical therapy or pain meds.
I am getting evicted and I have literally no place to go.
The police are on my back even though I did nothing wrong. I dared to speak up against the department for taking an innocent life, and now they have it in for me.
I used to be good looking, but now I look like shit. I’m not just saying that. Each and every one of you would probably run in terror if you saw me. Funny because I used to be a promising young actor in a few (lame) movies.
All my enemies have won.
I’m too tired to fight.
I have just enough strength to take all these pills and fall off the bay bridge with rocks in my pockets.
That about sums it up for me. So why should I live?
False praise kills. Â I am told often that I am talented blah, blah blah. Â I can’t believe this. Â To do so would be arrogant. Â My inner circle does tell the truth. Â Significant other does not touch me because I am too fat for his liking. Â I was a size 00 when we met. Â I now wear a 2. Â He says he can only love me if I am thin and blonde. Â He says I am stupid. Â I’m in a doctoral program because at one time I wanted to prove to him that I was not as stupid as he says I am. Â Â There are continual reminders that I should be grateful that he is with “some like me”. Â Damaged goods. Â At 14 there was an attack by several high school boys from outstanding families. Â Pressing charges would have ruined their lives. Â Snide comments in the hall that I liked it rough, double time, and triple time. Â The guys from the good families were not to be touched. Â Accusations of bullying might result in them not being able to play sports. Â Ruin their futures. Â My own family told me that I was damaged and my opportunities for relationships with those from good families were gone. Â And so began the long string of abuse relationships. Â I don’t deserve to be loved or accept praise for going through the motions of a life. Â And so I mask the pain and overachieve in an attempt to be a little more than the most disgusting person that ever lived.
I’m bi sexual
I’m a cuter
I do drugs
I’m bi polar
I’m a lover
I’m more things than you can probably count. I know there are others who probably have it worse than me, but I feel like thisÂ is never ending, that this world onlyÂ existsÂ toÂ destroyÂ me. I wake up every morning and think “why am I still here?”. Â It’s a good question to be honest. I have no purpose. I’m not important. My friends tell me if I died they would care….a lot of people have told me thatÂ before…..and look where they’re at…..gone. It would be so much easier just to end it all now, but the truth is….I’m afraid. I’m afraid of what comes next. I’m afraid what would happen to the ones that I love. I’m afraid of the unknown. What if I was wrong…about all this afterlife shit. What if there is a “God”. What if I do go to hell? And if I do…what’s it like? Is it like everyoneÂ describesÂ it, with fire and the devil or is it different? What if everyone else was wrong? What if hell is just a dark room that leaves you with the feeling ofÂ lonelinessÂ and despair? What if hell is just like real life? Or maybe hell would be better than life itself. Â I just feel like I’m stuckÂ in betweenÂ hell and real life, somewhere in the middle.
Science say’s when you die. It’s game over. Consciousness is produced by the brain. Religion say’s we have a soul. I say youwhat.? If there is a god why would it give us soul’s. Make us immortal.? & why would he love us. Let’s face it. Human beings are a bunch of freaks. Self obsessed selfish & self absorbed. Ok there are expressions but not for most..
I think i’m aÂ Â searcher.
Well as the title States I’m new to this site. My names tj and I am cursed and bated by everyone and everything. If there is a God which I don’t believe there is I’m pretty sure he hares me as well. I lost my best friend, my girlfriend and pretty much everyone who’s ever been in my heart either by choice or not. No matter how hard I try to be a good person and nice to everyone it always goes horribly wrong. Most recently I found a girl who I began to fall in love with ironically with the same name as my late ex. I tried to be the best friend she could ask for I showed her more love than I show my own family. I considered her my best friend, the feeling wasn’t mutual. I always thought well maybe if I truly show her how much I love her maybe she ‘ll end up with mutual feelings. I would never force anyone to love me rather push them away to save them the trouble of dealing with me. I was starting to get my smile back after so many years. That is until I realized everything nice she ever told me was a lie. Just like everyone else before her (except for one) she eventually succumbed to my the poison called me and stopped talking to me. I asked her as a final request to tell me we would never be together, that I was stupid to think it possible for another to love me. She refused sayi ng she cant predict the future. I wont drag this out more and after finally hugging her enough to say it she lashed of eventually calling me scum. I agree. Ive always believed what is life without love. I’m facing possible jail times due to me self medicating myself with numerous drugs failing at worn lost car and to no surprise at all left alone again. Tip of the iceberg for me of course and as I sit here cutting my arms as punishment for being so stupid to think things would have changed for me over the years I wonder just how many days I have left I don’t think many at all and as I sign off from my intro I really hope I do t wake up itd be a blessing behind a dark veil I hate this life and want it to just end. I’m sick of being so bated and I hope that in my next dream the lastperson to really love me amy. Comes and brings me ti stay with her wherever her concioisness resides its worth any price, anything to stop my hatred of myself
I don’t get how god could save some one from suicide. Seems pretty negligent to let someone who you love get that depressed in the first place. An all powerful loving god would save them from themselves before he saves them from suicide. This god is not all loving. I actually wonder if there is a god, then maybe he enjoys our suffering and pain. A sadistic god would make sense considering the world he created.
I havent been on here for awhile,not that I was a regular but I did post several times. If you want my backstory,please look it up under my name. I’m too emotionally tired to write it out again,so please dont post and ask me “whats wrong.”
I have tried yet another round of IOP and left feeling hopeful,only to have my world continue to crumble in the days afterwards. The people who are supposed to be my “aftercare support” are either pushing me further to the edge(if thats possible!!!) or looking at me blankly when I reach out for help. The source that i received help from before is no longer one I can use. The people in my life have either long since given up on me or havent known me long enough to really be of support…and to ask that of them would only ruin the fragile thread that exists in those relationships.
The point is,every road leads me back to this one. AndÂ I dont mean this board,sorry. Doesn’t Occum’s Razor state that the simplest answer is usually the right one?
I have given it my best shot,and then some more. It’s time to go.
I have time off this weekend….I have plenty of medication that,while it won’t kill me,it will heavily sedate me and allow me to carry out the method of choice without panic during the process. I have practiced the method a few times,and will run over to the board that details this in order to get some final tips. On top of that,I have a backup method. I’m not leaving anything to chance.
I’ve called the prayer lines,had them read me the 23rd Psalm in preparation. I would like to go to confession tomorrow and receive my Last Rites,but not sure how to do this without arousing suspicion. Although i am Catholic,I am skeptical and not 100% sure of what happens next. I would like to believe that if there is a God,He would forgive me for trying to escape my pain after exhausting all of my resources. But if not,there’s not much i can do. If hell exists,it can’t even equal the pain I’ve been through.
So I am summoning up every last bit of strength I have,and instead of wasting it trying to survive,I am going to go through with my plan. Am I afraid of the dying process or what comes next? Of course,I am still human. But I am more afraid of continuing to live in endless pain.
Thank you to all for reading this,and for those who ar like minded,please keep my soul in your prayers. To those who have gone before and will go after me,I do the same.Godspeed and good luck. Know that whatever anyone else may say or try to convince you,you are strong for deciding not to continue the game.
The Minute I wake up I cry because I am so sick and tired of my life and how it has been lived. I wonder what I have done wrong in my life. You know I know that i am not perfect I never have claimed to me and I know for sure I will never claim the perfection of someone…. I am not flawless like others. When i look in the mirror I stare and cry some more because I am not that pretty skinny girl every one would love to be with..
I am not perfection because I have been through so much bullshit in my life. I am poor, I have mental problems, I am just a screw up. I could sit here for hours explaining things to you and you would still walk off wondering who I am and what I am and everything. You may even turn around and think badly of me because I am a screw up.
When you go through all abuses, You start to wonder what is the point in really living. i really have nothing to live for.. I cut for pleasure, to let out relief, to let out pain and hurt and misery. I cut to watch the blood drip from my arm, I cut to wonder if I will actually go deep enough to kill myself and watch as my life flashes through my eyes. And to see if there was anything so bad that I have done.
You have no idea.. How everyday I wake up wondering why I am still living. Why I am still drawing breaths. You know.. Why I haven’t left the planet yet. People say that there is a god. that he is there watching over you making sure you are safe. But if there was a god then where is he.. Why has he not told me my “plan” Is that my plan? To hurt all of my life.. To have bad luck.. to want to die.. I have not seen him doing anything good for me.. Where is he when I want him there. When I have needed him the most.. I have not seen any signs that he has been there at all. i have lost all faith in this person named God…
I blink and stare at my ceiling as I write this.. Wondering who is even going to read this.. Wondering if they really care and understand the things that I have been through.. I am suicidal all the time and i want to kill myself 24-7. I have planned so many ways to do it too. I have attempted it already more then I can count.. Ha ha.. I think this is all for now continue later ..:D
This is sort of an unplanned Part 2 to my last post “caring is a flaw”
Today I was supposed to meet with banks and lawyers and other seemingly important people, but instead I spent the whole morning rescuing ladybugs that were trapped at the window. 14 or 15 of them… it’s a lot harder than you’d think.
The world will never give a damn about those 14 or 15 insects, but that’s exactly why I saved them. To spite this unjust, unfair, crappy world. I imagined myself as one of those bugs, stuck at a glass window slowly dying while nobody cared.
I don’t believe in any god or superhero that will save me the same way. I’ve accepted the fact that I’m dying at my window without any cosmic help. But just for laughs… just to prove that there is a god (even if it’s just a god of ladybugs) I thought I’d make a difference to 14 or 15 lives that will never never matter.
It’s senior year for me, this is supposed to be the best year in school right? So far all that has happened is bad more than ever. Not even the school wants to help. I have been bullied this year more than ever. Rumors flying around and it got so bad that I had to go to counseling. I hate this place, I wonder if there is a God sometimes because if there is one then why does he allow this to happen to me. One girl vandalized my car, one spread horrible lies about me and the other stalked me. I feel like I’m all alone and no one will help me. I used to have a lot of friends and even though we weren’t the “cool kids” we were happy, then as time went on things changed. Some left, others drifted away and one drastically changed and dropped me because of her boyfriend. I try to stay away from people now and yet even today some girl told me to die.. maybe I should take that advice. No one should ever feel this way. I hate my life and sometimes I don’t want to get out of bed because if I do all that’s going to happen is that I am going to end up crying and sitting by myself in my closet like I usually do now…