Last night was really scary. I’m 18, I’ve had suicidal thoughts off and on for over a year now, but lately they are pretty relentless. Yesterday I was having them all day, I’m not even sure why. I also just relapsed with my eating disorder. Every day I either restrict calories or eat and then make myself sick. I threw up twice yesterday. When it came time to go to bed I could not think about anything other than killing myself. I started to drift off and as I did I started picturing everyone who knows me going to my funeral and reacting to my […]
Tag:
Third Time
I am 25 years old. I have always had problems with depression, with self-harm; I’ve attempted suicide twice, and I promised myself that the third time would be the last; I won’t mess it up, next time. The third time will be the end.
The third time is all I can think about lately. I have lost everything, these past few months. Two years ago, I moved 1000 miles away from home; away from all my family, who spent my entire childhood abusing and neglecting me, and away from all my toxic friends that only dragged me down into their messes. I wanted a fresh start; […]
I just want it over, the pain and loneliness.. just to end. I get up, I do what is expected, and I wait.. and wait, and wait some more. I married, for the third time, a widow twice. Want a divorce, but it just is not worth the effort, there would not be anything any better later. I’ve thought about ending it over the years and always said I couldn’t do that to others, but who are the others? There’s no one here, no one to find me, or to give a shit. I just want to go home and be with Jim. I lied […]
I really think I am a loser.
I’m almost 25, living in a tiny room in my parents’ place. I know they think I’m a drag and a burden. I should have worked harder in college and not gotten kicked out. I just didn’t give a damn about my classes and I should’ve just argued it out and changed majors, but I didn’t and I flunked a third time. Three strikes right?
XXX
Working part-time at a pretty thankless job, but they’re all thankless. The only full-time employees are managers, of which there are 5 as oppossed to 7 employees. That seems pretty out of whack to me.
I’m […]
I am 19 and I’ve been cutting myself since I was 15. I cut on my legs so that no one will see them. I do it to distract myself from the sadness and emptiness and the constant thought of suicide. I feel like I’m not going to amount to anything, not going to do anything great with my life and be a complete failure. I’ve kept it a secret all this time. This is my first year in college and one of my new friends found out what I’ve been doing. She’s been tring to get me to stop but she doesn’t know what see’s doing. She […]
So today, I feel as though the world is telling me to do it, just go for it. At work today a overly perky co-worker gave me a toosie roll telling me it would make me smile, that no one can not smile while eating a toosie roll. I was running down the second flight of stairs for the third time today and thought hell eat the toosie roll. So I did, I broke a tooth on it, I broke a tooth eating a toosie roll!
My neighbors are such ass’s. all week my toilet has been bumbling, thumbling, and acting as though it is […]
All I have ever wanted is to be stunningly beautiful. Like Rita Hayworth or Marilyn Monroe. I know that’s terribly shallow, but honestly, I don’t really care. The only reason I have yet to attempt suicide for a third time in two months is because I want to wait until I achieve this goal. And then, I will try again. Because then, at least in my pathetic life I will have achieved something.
I’ve got to cut or I’ll start crying. I don’t enjoy either though. It’s tough to figure out which one I will do and not regret doing. But I always regret crying but I never regret cutting.
I’m definitely gonna cut tonight. Then it would be the third time for the day. Cutting helps me calm down and breath when I’m frustrated.
But there is one damn thing I don’t get. It’s when girls cut themselves for boys or for popularity or for people to like them more. It’s just so stupid. It’s like kicking dog for no reason (I know stupid example).Which is stupid.I’m just putting that […]
I am 20 years old. I am female. I am a law student. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am confused.
The first time I sat on my bedroom floor with a bowl of pills to swallow I was 13 years old. My Pop had recently succumbed to cancer, I’d lost a friend and I was just feeling awful. I swallowed two and then got scared. I swallowed two pills a day for four years. Every day. The first time was because I wanted to see my Pop. Every day after that for four years was just routine. What […]
I survived suicide 3 times. Â I made my first attempt when I was 18. Â It seemed like a logical choice at the time. Â I felt like there was no possibility of recovering from the all consuming pressures and stresses of life. I tried to hang myself with an electrical chord. Â The chord broke, and I woke up minutes later seizing on the ground and vomiting. Â I cleaned up and with my bruised neck I knew there was no way of hiding so I let my family know. Â I was sent to a facility for a bit where they forced me to eat and take drugs. […]
I want to scream. Scream until I lose my voice. I have no way to communicate with anyone who I can actually talk to for a few weeks. Cole is in a mental hospital, so there goes person number one. My mom took my phone, so there goes Devin, Andrew, and well those are the only people I can talk to.
I would have been able to talk to cole during visit and calling hours, but no. I don’t have my fucking phone. Why? because my mom was explaining something to me for the third time, even though i already understood. So I tell her she […]
As I sit before my computer alone for the second day in a row, the sun shines brightly outside. I realize now that the suffering i’m about to undergo is irrational, but is it truly irrational to want to voluntarily give up life for peace? The method of giving up drinking and eating will end my life in the course of 10 days or more, during this time I will experience coming to terms with myself as the pain in my stomach slowly claims my life. I know that there is no way to write final words without them seeming dramatic or attention-seeking. A long […]
I can’t. this isn’t living. This is barely fucking surviving. And I can’t take this anymore. I should’ve done it right the first time or hell even the second time…who knows maybe the third time’s the charm. Fuck! Fuck it all to hell. I can’t even think straight anymore. I just want this to end. it’s time for my pathetic/miserable existence to end
I thought I would come back to say that I did choose to not attempt suicide again – and in fact, I’m feeling rather good. The reason for this is that I was up all night googling to see if I could find anything to explain my actions, any form of disease or illness. I was unsuccessful, which is pretty much what I was expecting. However, I was watching the film The Big Bang with Antonio Banderas (not a fan of his but he was good in this), William Fichtner (most underrated actor of all time – give the man some leading roles!) and Sam […]
Hi, my name’s Mady. I’m 14, and I’ve tried
killing myself 4 times. I wouldn’t say I have the
roughest life, but I do go through a lot of stuff.
And, like everyone I have bumpy roads. Many of
them in facr. The first time I tried suicide was a
couple years after I started cutting. First time
I cut myself, I was around 10? And, first suicide
attempt I was maybe 11. The first time I tried
cutting myself ’til I died. I was sorta hoping I
would bleed to death. I don’t know what I was
thinking. Second time I  was maybe 13, and
tried drowning myself, in  my bathtub. It didn’t
work out bedcause my little sister walked in.
I […]
I have tried 3 times to use the helium exit bag. The first time I started to hyperventilate and chickened out. Second time I had a leak and had air in the bag. Third time I hyperventilated yet again. So what am I doing wrong? All the instructions say that the body is tricked by using the helium and yet I am hyperventilating like crazy. The other thing is that the instructions say that unconsciousness is found to happen in a mere 5 seconds or so and just a few gulps of helium will do it – that’s simply not the case. So what is […]
Ok so this is it. I’m 18 now. I’ve been suicial for 6 years now. I want to hang myself. I feel obligated to wait though, but there’s nothing to wait on. I tried to hang myself twice last night, but I have no foolproof plan because of my weight. I had to use my door knob and sit down. I looked like an idiot who’d played the choking game alone. The only reason I got out of it was because I didn’t feel right not saying goodbye to anyone, but I just couldn’t find words to express my pain or my desire for death. […]
The first time i was 8 years old and my dad had just left me and my mum after battling cancer. Mum wasn’t good, Dad was gone, Nanny and Granada were in Spain, my friends didn’t want to know. What stopped me? My mum caught me and took me to a therapist.
The Second time it was my 9th birthday. It was the last day i ever spook to my dad. He texted me to say that he was gonna have a son and that i was nothing to me. On my birthday. That time my now ex-best friend found me and begged me not to.
The […]
I am really losing it. Â I am researching suicide all day and all night and I can’t stop thinking about it. Â It takes all my strength just not to cut and more so not to kill myself or try. Â I would check myself into a hospital, but I have already been 5 times. Â Plus I am in the middle of school. Â I would lose a semester, for the third time. Â I just don’t know what to do with myself because I feel like the longer I tough it out, the closer I come to ending it. Â I wish I could stop this runaway train.
This is a first. I’m sitting in the dark, if it weren’t for the glow of my phone’s screen. Pathetic, is it not? The age we live in. Specifically 4:46am in the wilderness that is upstate New York. This place is devoid of all things meant to nourish – as a life long denizen it’s cruel atmosphere is taking it’s harsh toll on me. Too many thoughts, too many restless nights….the cold air has entered my mentality and is stifling all that may prosper. I lay here contemplating attempt #3. I have given up yet again. It’s been 6 years since […]
Newer Posts