So I’ve never actually thought Fuck it Im going to reach out and talk about this because its just not a normal thing to do…then again nothing ever feels normal in my world and when I do express normal behaviour I feel its so put on and faked to everyone around me that they can see right through me and thus treat me different from each other. For years I’ve always kind of known I had serious pshycological issues and suicidal thoughts caused by a horrible upbringing and attempted to take my own life before I went to university. I failed….didn’t know how to o/d […]
Tag:
Thoughts And Feelings
I’ve finally finished reading through all my posts on here in the last three years.
ALL 101.
It honestly doesn’t seem like I’ve been doing this for that long, writing on here. It seemed like just yesterday I didn’t know what I was going to do with all my thoughts and feelings of suicide, keeping them wrapped up in my head could only keep me sane for so long and I was afraid I was going to lose it completely, more so then I already had.
Then I found this site, a place where I could get all my feelings out, where I could talk to others who […]
the only time I feel calm without the influence of drugs, is here. Fuck, what’s wrong with me? :s
I think about dying, and now, what holds me back is that I won’t get to swim in the sadness that I’ll cause with my death. I won’t be able to lick the tears of my loved ones as they wonder why they didn’t notice my derangement sooner. I wanna be like huck finn, fake my death and attend my funeral. The only happiness I have is others misfortune and oh golly would I love to feed off the negative energy that would be radiating from my […]
In June of 2008, I was a stoner, and an alcoholic. I tried comiting suicide by taking at least a full bottle of pain killers. because my mom grounded me. I wrote about it in my journal of course. I believe my words were:
“I wish my mom would understand what im going though, i dont know if i really want to die, i just wanns scare her”
Â
i fell asleep, then woke up with this incredibly uncomfortable feeling. I was burning, like my blood felt weird. and i was getting hives everywhere. my mom came home. I told her i ate bad food and felt a little sick. […]
Well, i wouldn’t really consider myself suicidal and i don’t know why i really keep having a look at some of the comments people leave on here.
I guess what i’m really hoping for is to make a friend, or at least find someone who i can share the thoughts and feelings of a young, not-proud-to-be-British man with. I have friends in the real world but you can say so much to them…
Anyway, if anyone is interested in talking to me, even for a little while, my email address is – disciple.of.torture@gmail.com
I know i haven’t wrote much about myself but when you’ve done it that many […]
Older Posts