I sat at my desk in school wondering what it would be like if I stabbed myself through the heart with that guys extremely sharp pencil. Death by writing utensil. A thought that drew a smile on my face.
Ugh that stupid noise. A noise that interrupted the only thought that made me smile today.
I concentrate a bit harder, but it is only clear to me that the sound comes from the front of class. I look up.
“RRrrruhh. RRraaayy.”
My brain starts to work in time to hear the teacher call my name for, what I could tell by her tone was, the fifth time.
“Rain! Is it […]
Tag:
Thousands Of Dollars
I’m thirty years old, and I’ve done nothing with my life. I have no job. I have no friends, and I’m failing in school again. I can’t take these cycles any longer. I do well for a couple years. I make friends, hold a job, and do well in school. Then the depression comes back. I push my friends away, lose my job, and fail in school. I’ve gotten help in the past, but that only left me tens of thousands of dollars in debt. I need ECT again, but I don’t have insurance or any […]
lost my mother,my father,my uncle,my car,my dog,my cat, my health, my home, I’m wanted by the sheriff, no one in my family hardly talks to me, I’m thousands of dollars in debt. I can’t have sex, I’m 42 years old. I’m an alcoholic and use drugs, I hate my job, I hate my neighbors, I just want it all to go away!!
I am 28 years old still living with my parents and I am ready to give up. In fact giving up is something I have become good at over the years. I now have no money and thousands of dollars in debt (never finished college) oh and by the way my mother is an alcoholic and my father has cancer.Our home is also infested with bedbugs and we have 4 dogs that all they do is bark and go to the bathroom all over the house. I have never had my own car I did move our briefly when I was 23 but that didn’t […]
So I don’t want a wake or funeral. Â I want absolutely zero fuss made about my death. Â But I feel bad killing myself and taking all these healthy organs with me… so I think, I know, I will donate them. Â So I had this idea to do it in winter on a snowy day, so my body would stay fresh until I was found…. But it turns out that hospitals/universities/chop shops won’t take suicides… Also, Â if you donate your body to one of these chop shop organ/body donation companies, they dole the pieces out to the highest bidder, making at least $200,000 per body. Â The […]
i feel like i am slowly drowning myself in mindless shit… i have settled for a life that makes me unhappy simply because i know there is nothing better for me out there. the only person that keeps me from doing anything stupid is my son.. but yesterday the asshole i have settled with just reminded me of everything wrong with me.. how i am with him because he was the only one willing to be with me cause i am fat, ugly, and dont have much going for me. how i am thousands of dollars in debt, don’t have a driver’s license, have a dead end […]
I never thought things would come to this… but here I am, writing.
At age 25 I found out that I had to have urgent open heart surgery to replace my aortic valve. I was in 60% heart failure without even knowing it and could have died at any time. I had the procedure done, and am alive and kicking… though I opted for a tissue valve (so I could enjoy a higher quality of life) and was told that it would only last roughly ten years. It is now three years later, I just turned 28, and post-traumatic stress disorder finally kicked in. I moved […]