I have so many thoughts in my head right now that I can feel the weight of them pushing me down. There is so much going on at one time in my life right now that I don’t know how to sort it all out or how to even begin to deal with it. First there is all my friends leaving; I knew this was coming but for some reason in my sick and twisted world I had made myself believe that I had so much time to say goodbye and that summer was just going to last forever and no one was really going […]
Time In My Life
So here’s the thing.
Oct 3rd is when I get married and its coming up pretty fast. I know this should be a grandest time in my life but the truth is, I am just not that happy about it.
The man I am marrying is the greatest, generous person in the world. He really is just that wonderful.
But I cheated on him. :\
I am not going to make excuses for what I have done because I was fully aware of what I was doing and wanted to do.
I can honestly say I have never been a cheater. Even with all the shitty ass boyfriends I went […]
whenever someone finds out that I’m a sociopath, they always think I’m a serial killer. They obviously aren’t very bright. I am a violent person, naturally, but I’m proud to say I’ve never gutted another human and worn their skin. Let’s just say I plot. I don’t act out on those plot, but I’m sure they would succeed.
Lately, I’ve lost a lot of things. I lost money from my bank account. I got a B on a test. I wouldn’t care about my idiotic professor’s opinion if it didn’t make a difference on my record. He gave me a fucking B. It deserved an A.
It’s been a long time… I’m just so ready for it to just…end.
I’ve reached a new low. A low, where the first time in my life, the cutting isn’t enough. The distractions, the stories… even my art has become dull and lifeless. Leaving the house is painful. Seeing so much happiness. It hurts, so much. And the stares, the rumors. I pretend they don’t bother me, but when I’m alone, their words are sharper than any of my knives. I found this movie, stumbled on it, really… And it seems so stupid. Â So fake- but I love it. The idea of finding a world….a place […]
I’m not sure why I feel compelled to share my story, but for whatever reason I’m not sure I can stop myself from typing these words. But I will try to keep to details to a minimum and will just cover the most important aspects to keep this short. In high school I was an introverted nerd, but the first year actually turned out to the best, and it was only downhill from there. I had large ears and a stutter, the latter of which would often limit the conversations and connections and I could have with other people. In grade eight I started to […]
I apologise for following such beautiful song lyrics from The Hunger Games with such a negative post.. but I feel this encapsulates the way I’m feeling exactly.
Let me take you on a journey. 19 years ago, my Mother began to emotionally and sometimes physically abuse me over the course of my life. In my eyes, I never had a Mother. I never grew up being nurtured and receiving that maternal, unconditional love. 4 years ago, my Mother physically ‘bashed me up’, in need of a better statement. I left her immediately, I left my little siblings, my friends, comfort, my school, I left EVERYTHING that […]
hi my name is umair ad i am 21 years old my story of life is very unique when i was 5 year old my cousin said me that she loves me she was just 4 years old and now our love is 17 years old this is very strange we started to love each other when we did not know the meaning of love but i think we started to loveÂ because we born for each other i was living very happy life with her but at the start of this year my cousin told me Â that her parents are looking for a good boy […]
Hey everyone , you can call me Reem . I’m 16 years old and live in Saudi Arabia .. at the first look at me you’ll see a normal girl who has an amazing life , who doesn’t need anything and has no reason to be sad or deprssed , but that proves you don’t know me ..
I’ve been holding this for a long , long , long time … I forgot even when it all started , but I wanna let it out and share it in order to fully open up for the first time in my life !
Hi, this post is just about me and why i decided to join. its not some inspirational story to make you change your mind. just me and my experiences. I joined cause I needed someone to listen who understood or could relate.
It all starts with my brother, we were insepreable as childeren and got along fabulously, but as soon and me moved across the country and we had to make new friends we stopped talking. he bacame an athlete I became the geek, (cliche i know) he had all the friends I spent elemetary with none. After a while I became very angry at everything […]
I have a lot of admiration for many of you who can actually go through the act of attempting suicide.Â I have wanted to since I was 7 years old and have not had the courage.Â I am now 53 and still a woos.Â I suppose what it boils down to is that I really don’t want to kill myself but to be put out of my misery.Â Don’t get me wrong.Â I have come very close a time or two and someday I may just get that courage to succeed.Â I have lived with myself for many years and all I know is that […]
Well, I finally found my first relationship, at the age of 26. It really did help me to find peace. It’s actually been really nice to have the first time in my life, and I mean this entirely literally, that I didn’t think about suicide every single day. It slowly drifted back, a little, but only just barely, and only just a few time every couple of weeks or so. It hasn’t been terrible. I have realized some things, that I had already considered, but I am far too old a soul for all these senseless children. My boyfriend, and just for the sake of […]
idk what to do anymore. ive tried meds and everything i can think plus somethings from family but its not helping. i feel worse each day more then the last. i feel like im drwoning in my own mind and it scares. for the first time in my life im scared and pleding with tears in my eyes for an anwser but nothing reveals itself and when i go looking i meet by dispair and unimportance. ive been thinking of ending it all and just letting go and i know it would be easy but idk. everyday i think about what is happening to me […]
So I’ve been suicidal for a long time, I usually get this way after someone has treated me badly and made me feel worthless. I attempted the first time when I was 17. I have been struggling for the past year and a half not to kill myself, I’m 24 now. Sometimes the urges were almost overwhelming.
For the first time in my life I started talking to my dad about how worthless I felt. He held me and I was able to cry for the first time in five months. I cried on him for five hours, cried so hard I broke out in fever […]
I’ve decided upon a solution to my issues that I find works better than counseling.
A) Because counseling pisses me off.
B) Because I find that all of the 9 or 10 counsellors that I’ve seen in the past 5 years or so have tried to make me conform to what society deems normal or happy.
My solution? Â Trying to be as true to myself as possible. Â I know it doesn’t exactly sound like a solution, or it sounds like a cliche one, but it’s been working so far. Â For me, this means that if listening to ‘depressing’ music makes me feel a bit of peace or happiness, […]
I can still remember that first time in my life when I thought to my self “is there actually a point of living?” at that point, I was in a right state. Didn’t have the best day of school, had so much going on in my life and everything was pilling up. I just got bored and tired of having to pick myself up from the ground and get back on my own two feet. I just didn’t see the point in it at all.
I remember that I kept thinking to myself ” There’s going to be no hope in the end, might as well […]
I feel empty. I thought I could be happy for a least a couple years before another tragedy came my way; but I
guess I was wrong. Five years ago on November of 2007 was the one month of my life where i was truely and completly happy.
I had my family, health, love, and my first love. Everything was great until December when my youngest sister passed away
caused of a drunk driver. From that day until today I wish it had been me instead of her. My family went through dark times. The day
of the accident, an hour before the events I […]
I am a person who has destoyed so many people throughout my adult life.Â I met my husband and he was married at the time, I got pregnant.Â He did not have a good marriage, or so I was told.Â He left his family for me, and we had our baby.Â Â He still had his family, and his children came around at first, but that ended rather quickly.Â So we had another baby a year and a half later, and we had our family.Â His parents did not want anything to do with us, which I completely understood.Â I was hurt, because I was lied […]
I almost cracked in front of my entire family. Or i did crack, partially?! I don’t know.
i started rambling about not having a desire to live, honestly i just said that to shut them up because they were talking about responsibilities of today’s youth and how it was different and much harder when they were young. Fine it was, let them have their past but keep it for yourself because i am not feeble- minded.
I thought i won’t be coming here anymore, but i guess i still have the need. since i can’t talk to anyone, i mean i can’t talk how depressed i […]
its two days away from my 21st birthday,i dont have any body,noone to celebrate it with,or go out to diner or lunch, just me and myself,what the fuck happened,i want to die so bad,im not gonna kill myself,whats the point if noone would care if i was dead either,you know when you once had such good memories that you cant even think about it,cause it kills you,and you didnt mean to ever ruin anything or hurt anybody,you were just young and damaged and screaming out for help,and nobody helped you,but it was ok,i was in a group home but i was actually happy for […]
People tell me that with time, i’ll start to feel happy again. I guess its sort of right. I always have my happy moments, but somehow it has to stop. Something always wrecks it.
Today my mom broke up with her boyfriend, he was such a good guy to her.. She really deserves a person like him, i just think shes afraid to get attatched again since my parents divorce. Anyway, she got rid of her bed because it was his, and she is sleeping on the floor for a while. I wanted to give her my bed for the time being, but she would […]