swearing helps yr.tolerance for pain physical or emotional explains alot. i love getting my frustrations out through writing. cheryl from wendys yr and old.ugly.masculin twofaced ****. mary who is debatable “nicer” is a crater faced ***** enthusiist who loves grease! she acts all friendly to the customers and then to you shes overcompansatingly mentaly sedistic with her “intimidating manner” s this **** loves being incharge. i sentence her to get her eyes poked out while getting it up the ass by cheryl. these two lowlife useless pussys can rot in hell while going thru what i had to endure […]
Yesterday, someone told me that making goals in life was important. I asked him why. He more or less told me that man is meant for progress. I sat and questioned in my head, what is this progress that society in general seems to always pursue.
I do believe that humankind has made leaps in advancement of technology, medicine, and overall the knowledge of the world around us. Do I believe that we as a species have become any more enlightened in spiritual depth? In learning tolerance and understanding among each other, in compassion, in communication (not the methods of communication)? No.
With each era I […]
Here are some songs that I can relate to when I’m feeling depressed and suicidal.
Please leave a comment with your own suggestions so we all have something new to listen to!
Coming Apart (This video was loosely based on the story of Kevin Hines, a young man who jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge)
Water Under The Bridge – Red Hot Chili Peppers
Because I attempted suicide, I really like the lyrics – “I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day”
Gorilla Zoe Featuring Lil Wayne – LOST
“I’m losing my mind, […]
So after keeping everything bottled up inside me I decided I have to share my real feelings.
Hmm…where to start? I guess when everything began.
I had just moved to this town in Texas because my father’s in the military. I was excited about the new experience. I had my heart set on going to this cool elementary school, Cielo Vista, but I couldn’t. So I had to go to Bliss, one of the worst elementary schools in the city. Thank god I was only there for 5th grade. Anyways, I was always a bit on the sad side. But when I got here, everything seemed to […]
Laying in the pure darkness
Paralyzed with pain
Screaming yet unable to breath
No one waits for you
No one wants for you
Enduring the days
With measured tolerance
Blocking out the pain
But the night comes
And there is no end in sight
Watching othersâ€™ joy in one another
No one thinks of you
No one cares for you
The bitter loneliness
Cuts deeper than any machete you inflict upon yourself
Not understanding how you are worth so little
The ones you love
Donâ€™t even see you
When you hand them your heart on a silver platter
Not caring, they crush it underfoot
No one stops for you
No one knows […]
Brothers and Sisters,
I have seen and felt your love in this website. It is encouraging to share with you all, even when at times we do not agree, but that is fine to me. I am not here for you to all agree with me, but to share with all of you how I feel, and what I want to say to you all.
I believe there is always hope for us. We all have heard this many times, and sometimes we become numb to this. However, I still say there’s hope. There’s a small shining ray of light in this darkness. This darkness of […]
I canceled my next appointment with my shrink. I feel as if I’ve given up on myself already. I started cutting again and it feels amazing to wake up from such blankness. That apathy, mind over matter. However, the tolerance is already building; fast this time. I’m already running the cuts under hot water for the extra wake up sensation.
What is it about our society that makes us fear and hate death so much? We are brainwashed, conditioned to value life and disapprove of death.
Maybe it’s because we are born selfish and our actions are primarily done in self interest. For example, let’s say I […]
It’s been 6 years of an undiagnosed, untreated progressive depression.
Stage one just started with deep thinking. What we all go through, what is life worth? who loves me? what would the world be like if i’m dead, etc.
Stage two became mind over matter. This is the point beyond sadness. Cutting never hurt, it was just a way to wake up into reality again, to start feeling again, even it was just sadness.
Stage three was my addiction. I became addicted to cutting as it would relieve me of the emptiness. Cutting eventually stopped working (it works like pain killers, my body developed a tolerance), […]
I have been struggling with my inner demons and haunted by the ghosts of my past for most of my life, and I simply don’t knowÂ how much more I can possibly take. I’m just not strong enough to keep fighting off the darkness within that much longer, sometime sooner or later it’s going to engulf me… and I won’tÂ survive. I have always had a certain proneness to being emotionally unstable but several years ago I had a severe psychological breakdown triggered in part, by my mum’s death. Before she passed away she repeatedly asked for me and I desperately wanted to be there for her, […]