Tomorrow night.
I’ve got it all planned, I’m going to drink a bottle of vodka (my favourite) and take three packs of sleeping pills. Hopefully this works, my only apology is for whoever finds my body.
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Tomorrow Night
Kenny and I had/have a love like none other. We lived to love, laugh and make each other happy, and we exceeded that everyday for over 9 years. On 2/4/12 Kenny proposed to me and I thought that was the happiest day of my life, but everyday after that only got better. Kenny was the spice of life. Everything that Kenny did was amazing because he had that enthusiasm that made everything amazing. Then it all ended…
3/5/13 started out like any day. Kenny sent me a text to say he was up and I responded in my normal way “Good morning baby – I love […]
i decided to do a bit of a project, an experiment of sorts …
im not going to touch my phone all weekend. i want to see what my friends will do, or if they will even notice. The thing is I’m scarficing alot just to do this, and Im not even sure why im doing it … I stayed home last night, which for me is not normal. Im always out on weekends. Im missing good parties this weekend. Part of me wants to pick up my phone and make plans but it’s just one weekend right? I just need a break from society, a break […]
My hanging is still a plan. When I will go through with it is undecided. It will not be now. I have too much to do for the holidays, and things that i must deal with and take care of.
I have an ex that i need to deal with when the new semester starts in a few weeks.
I NEED to deal with that before i can leave this earth.
The hardest part though will be hurting my mother… She is the only thing that will hold me here.. ( ill write about her later if your curious)
But i am not worrying about that now, because for […]
Tomorrow is so close, yet it seems to take an eternity to arrive. Tomorrow is the day I’ve decided to kill myself. I feel at a general ease with that knowledge, and my brain tells me I should be horrified with the looming prospect of my demise. Screw that, I done being afraid, I’ve had near constant head and stomach aches all week, but now they’re gone. I’m not going to take my meds tomorrow because I didn’t today, no more point anymore. I suspect I will be more anxious and sick tomorrow night, but oh well. I’ll get home, masturbate one last time, then […]
Once again tonight I can feel her clawing her way through my chest to grasp my throat and strangle me again. #2. The one who beats me down until I can’t take anymore. I’m trying so hard right now to fight her back. No, this isn’t multiple personalities.. I don’t think. If you read my last post, then you know what I’m talking about.
I talked to my friend tonight and she told me all about her new boyfriend. I feel like such an asshole for telling her to slow herself down and be a little more cautious. But then, at the same time, she’s telling […]
I’ve been depressed and suicidal recently with no one to talk of my issues with. I recently decided to talk to the school counselor about my problems. At first, everything was great, but then from the depression test results she decided that she needs to talk to my parents about my depression (the talk is tomorrow night shit shit shit shit fuck fuck fuck fuck) as well as getting me to see my pediatrician about things I can do (antidepressants stuff).
I’m really starting to regret talking to my counselor and wish there was some other way of doing this without making things more complicated than […]
I’m thinking of doing it tomorrow night. 1/21/12 is when I die. I wanted to do it on my birthday. That was three months ago. Should have then. Should’ve done it along time ago. I know some people work through worse pain then I have experienced. I feel hopeless. I used to feel sorry for myself. Realized that gets you nowhere. Thinking about just walking in front of a semi. If I jump just at the right moment I should die. I know that it’s selfish to do. Especially in that way. Can’t really find another way to do it. No car. Can’t find good […]
Hi all,
As Im approaching dreaded birthday tomorrow,I’m SO tempted to just end it all tomorrow night. I would do it tonight,but have to work:( I could just take off tomorrow after some sleep,check into a remote motel,and just let go…. I get so frustrated,esp. when my bitchy boss just sent me a nasty txt telling me not to be “negative” to the new nurse that Im training tonight. This is AFTER I spent all week letting her vent about her problems,taking time to help her with scheduling everybody,doing extra work,picking up overtime(granted I need it) and,oh yeah,just going over there and offering to do 4 […]
Have you ever dreamt that you know someone who tries to kill themselfs. And it’s really scary because you don’t know if it’s going to come true. I woke up this morning with that nightmare and don’t know what to do. I’m afraid that I’m going to get that call or finding that I’m the one making that call. I look around and see that I don’t have much to live for, but I know that there are some that would miss me I think. And that’s all I can think about. I started thinking about it when my chior teacher told us that tomorrow […]