Miguel De Unamuno – An Eternal Elegy
Oh Time, Time,
Oh terrible mystery!
The past does not return,
it never comes back again,
Yes, ancient, but always the same,
. . . . . . . . . . . .
When consciousness is deprived
of the passage of time,
what is it that remains?
What happens to light if the mirror is broken?
. . . . . . . . . . . .
oh Time, Time!
Lord of the world,
executioner of your children,
supreme cause of our bondage!
Once again the complaint,
once again the eternal song
that never ends,
how all is lost and nothing remains,
that time is passing
Irreparably, irreparably, do you hear?
Yes, irreparably, and never forget it!
Life? Life is constantly dying,
it is like the river
in which the same water
never returns again
and yet is always the same.
In the crystal of the flowing liquids
the waving poplars on the river bank
and the trembling image is never reflected
by the same water.
What is the past? Nothing!
The future you dream is also nothing
and the passing moment
is a mysterious transition to emptiness;
to emptiness once again!
It is a torrent that flows
from nothingness to nothingness.
The moment you touch it
all tender hope,
as if by magic or enchantment,
becomes a memory,
a memory that grows fainter
and is finally lost;
is lost forever.
Oh Time, Time!
Repeat, oh my soul, yes repeat once again
the same old song,
the sad litany,
the never ending dirge,
the same old elegy
of how time passes
and is never the same again.
The ”Alas!” of the one who is suffering
this ancient grief
is always the same,
the same old lament;
repeating it gives consolation,
an unceasing rosary, like the rain
again and again, a hundred times…
Oh Time, Time,
Oh terrible mystery!
Rigid torture rack of the human spirit!
How limited words are…!
Language is never enough to describe
our thirst for eternity;
it is too limited…
A terrible thirst,
a thirst that constantly weakens the soul
that contemplates the ocean,
– the immense ocean! –
which never satisfies our thirst;
it only fills our vision,
an immense ocean of bitter waves!
Images? They disturb the profound
nakedness of our lament,
embellishments that drown out
the single note that is deep and strong…
But, yes, images, different chords
that calm the melodic theme…
. . . . . . . . . . . .
It is the elegy that silence intones,
silence, language of the eternal,
while eternity exists
as the slave of time…
. . . . . . . . . . . .
Did you destroy your watch? Not enough!
Lay down and go to sleep… that is best;
in a profound sleep
you will have conquered time,
your implacable enemy!
Yesterday, today and tomorrow!
A chain of grief
with links of anxiety…
You grip the horse’s mane
with tense hands
refusing to let go
and it runs faster and faster,
a runaway horse;
the tighter you hold on
the more maddening is its passage!
Don’t mutter out of one side of your mouth,
Enough now, that’s enough of your hours,
Stop this interminable drudgery
once and for all!
I want to escape from time;
exhausted, I want to finally
dissolve myself into the eternal
where yesterday, today and tomorrow
are only one moment
disconnected from the passage of time;
where a tender memory
is linked with hope
and merges with it;
where the never-quiescent waters
of the passing rivers
remain forever in a quiet lake;
where the soul can finally be
immersed in a bath of consolation
where Saturn dies;
where time is defeated.
(Fransisco Goya – Saturn Devouring His Son, 1819-1823)
* In ancient Greek and Roman mythology, Saturn (or Cronus/Kronos) was a titan (the titans predated the Greek/Roman gods) who castrated and overthrown his own father (Caelus/Uranus) and then he was eating his own children, because of a prophecy that he would be overthrown by one of them. This mythological figure’s meaning was later examined and analyzed by many (including Freud and Jung).
Some information about Cronus/Saturn:
Our efforts are those of men prone to disaster;
our efforts are like those of the Trojans.
We just begin to get somewhere,
gain a little confidence,
grow almost bold and hopeful,
when something always comes up to stop us:
Achilles leaps out of the trench in front of us
and terrifies us with his violent shouting.
Our efforts are like those of the Trojans.
We think we’ll change our luck
by being resolute and daring,
so we move outside ready to fight.
But when the great crisis comes,
our boldness and resolution vanish;
our spirit falters, paralyzed,
and we scurry around the walls
trying to save ourselves by running away.
Yet we’re sure to fail. Up there,
high on the walls, the dirge has already began.
They’re mourning the memory, the aura of our days.
Priam and Hecuba mourn for us bitterly.
(translation by Edmund Keeley/Philip Sherrard)
To die to sleep… to sleep… perchance to dream.
(Hamlet, act iii, scene iv)
You are the dream of a God; when you awake
will you return to the womb where you were born?
Will you then be what you were before?
Will your death be a new birth?
Is this dream absent during wakefulness?
Luckily here the mystery assists us;
as a remedy of our sad life
our fate remains an inviolable secret.
Let your future remain hidden under the fog
and walk calmly as you take your last step;
the less light there is, the more certain you can be.
Is our sunset the dawn of another world?
Dream on, my soul, in your obscure path:
” To die to sleep… to sleep… perchance to dream.”
The Immortality of the Crab (Inmortalidad del Cangrejo)*
The deepest problem:
of the immortality of the crab,
is that a soul it has,
a little soul in fact…
That if the crab dies
entirely in its totality
with it we all die
for all of eternity
* The title of the poem is based on the Spanish phrase pensar en la inmortalidad del gangrejo (thinking about the immortality of the crab), which means that someone is daydreaming, is lost in thought, is pondering. There’s a similar phrase in Portuguese: pensar na morte da bezerra.
To Destiny (Al Destino)
When I struggle, calmness overwhelms me
hiding your secrets from me, Destiny;
don’t let me falter in my path, because
without questioning I obey you blindly.
Don’t give me time to complain or beg;
spur me on without stopping,
and, like a sleepless pilgrim, let me
carry with me the fire from my hearth.
I want to win my peace through war;
I want to conquer the impossible dream;
don’t let me rest from trying to shed light
on the enigma within your heart,
and when I return to the bosom of the earth
let me deserve an ever-lasting peace.
Miguel De Unamuno is probably the most important Spanish philosopher, novelist and poet of the 20th century. His most famous works are: The Tragic Sense of Life (1912), Poesias (Poems – 1907), Our Lord Don Quixote (1914), Saint Emmanuel the Good, Martyr (1930), Aunt Tula (1921), Cancionero (Songbook – 1953, published after his death). He was born in Bilbao (1864) and died in Salamanca (1936).
I came up with a story a long time ago about a morally ambiguous “protective” killer protagonist story. :p
Decided to make it like a “yandere”, if you could still use that term despite it not really being a romantic example, and involving a teenage girl, because of moe, idk. :p
From anywhere including killing a bully stop from being hurt as well as to protect a friend, to assistant suicide, to stealing from the “rich” or modern folk to give to the poor and homeless, making it all fit somehow, yet constantly being on the run and being considered evil despite all the good intentions…
How does morality work, when the black and white get blurred into gray? Do the ends ever justify the means? That’s what I’m always confused by…
And it’s not just fictional examples either, I… I actually get intrigued by stories of real criminals, like Elliot Rodger…
I actually read up on that story by randomly trying to find a blog on introversion and social anxiety and somehow found that, I have no idea where the website is, and had literally no idea who this person was and that they became a spree killer then killed themselves. o.O
Was Elliot pitiful? Idk… On one hand, they were extreme loner trying to fit in, almost too much to the point it was the meaning of their life, especially with not being a virgin, and on the other hand, even besides the killings, his manifesto made him both more and less sympathetic by giving more context than his youtube videos ever did which I actually discovered afterwards and not before… (My name on youtube is Shinji Itoi by the way, I have a profile pic of The Batter from Off. :p)
PHEW! Anyways, talking about Elliot and other stuff is a story for another time though.
I hope you enjoy my story ideas here. :3 It’s a work in progress. :p
(New Update: Yandere Story (March 9, 2018 (Friday)))
Sympathetic Murderer (Yandere) (December 28, 2017 (Thursday))
I came up with a disturbingly sweet and somewhat weird story. :p I guess it’s from stuff like Elfen Lied or End Roll and my own personal feelings…
Basically, a character tries to protect someome and maybe themselves from a bully or maybe something else maybe even worse,
but the friend doesnt accept it and think its wrong and they break down and try to escape somehow and become a darker person…
Then someone else discovers tjem and hangs out with them for a long time not knowing their secret until that ex friend pops up.
And, idk. 😕 Not sure about all the details right now but I thought it could make a cool story.
A killer who tries to kill other seemingly evil people and doesnt see any wrong in it…
ans on top of that they might wven be doing it for someone else… its strange..
I guess that would be a yandere thing eben if their relationship isnt romantic?
Seems almost sexy. :p Or not idk. XD I couls get into yanderes stories maybe though if its more like this…
Actually, this sounds kind of normal…
I mean, maybe the act of killing someone more on the level of seeing their blood spilt or dying from poison/drowning is kind of extreme,
but like… self-preservation or protecting someone even if the victim is just some asshole is like… yeah…
Like it’s a dark action but if their relatively normal outside of that,
it’s hard to tell if it should be that big of a deal or not. :p
Unless people consider them a threat outside of that,
Idk… it’s almost like people who actually gave a shit about the person should be the only one out to get them maybe. :p
Eeryone in the world out to get that person for one murder of a person who arguably deserved it… is that actually fucking crazier?
I don’t even know anymore man…
Edit 2 (December 31, 2017) (Sunday): Another thing to make this sound even more disturbingly sweet is that I want to give her the Japanese name for “Protect”.
I decided to go with Yasuko. It just seems to work really well… Yasuko…
Edit 3 (March 9, 2018) (Friday): I had a random daydream lately and figured I should add it to this story. :p
Other than simply being a sympathetic killer, I decided that I should give her more morally ambigous decisions.
I’m also wondering whether or not she should be conscious of her choices and be aware of what society would think of them,
but believe it’s the right thing to do, or that she actually doesn’t understand that her actions are wrong, trying to justify them…
Anyways, the next thing is going to be assistant suicide.
Rather than your typical life support plug pulling scenario, I was thinking about her seeing someone whose hurt and asking if their okay,
until it turns out they did it to themselves and their begging Yasuko to let them die…
Yasuko then replies that if that’s how they really feel, she’ll let them, but she also comforts them by hugging them until they pass away…
It’s sweet, right? 🙂 Sure she lets them die, but it’s their wish to do so, and she makes sure their not alone though, even if their strangers…
See, this is the kind of thing I’d really like to see more of…
Edit 4 (March 11, 2018) (Sunday): Oh yeah, I was also thinking about whether or not Yasuko’s friend should be the Student Council President,
or become one just to stop her, even if Yasuko herself wouldn’t be the type of person who cares for that thing,
not that she would be a delinquent probably. :p She might even work for the police…
Though if at all there’s a different villain or their conclusions seem different and/or worse than what really happened,
Yasuko’s friend might question if their correct in their deductions and if that really sounds like her…
Although her friend might seem to technically hate her and is trying really hard to stop her, she’s actually more worried and scared…
That’s the kind of person I want to right. :p
She’s a big conformist, but her heart is in the right place for traditional morality.
Yasuko on the other hand believes traditional morality is either false and doesn’t work, a corrupted lie, or that there’s other ways to be good.
Despite it all, I don’t want Yasuko to be considered a villain if she loses at all. I suppose you could actually call her own force of good,
but it might be better to call either side a gray area who thinks their doing the right thing, and that in the end,
morality is what you make of it…
Technically, I believe morality is a case of helping or hurting other people, but… what if you don’t see very many people in the world as good?
Or you’d have to hurt someone to help someone else, like stealing from the rich to give to the poor?
What does it mean to hurt or stop others that try to hurt other people?
What does it mean to let someone whose suicidal die instead of helping them find a way to live?
Is it not ambiguous at times?
Finally, if an afterlife is either vague or doesn’t seem to exist, then what about you as an individual?
I suppose you can try to think about future generations that will carry on after your death, but… I don’t know…
I personally, sadly, have no reason to give a shit about that. :p I don’t really have anyone in my life that cares about me to care about them back…
Anyways, about the stealing part, that was a third ambiguous situation I thought I should come up with,
that she finds someone a poor homeless person or even family whose hungry so she steals from a store to try and feed them.
On one hand, she believes that the store still has plenty left over and both the owner and their customers can afford more.
On the other hand, if people were to follow her example and everyone stole from that same store, their could be none left…
Of course, that wasn’t poor Yasuko’s intention. 🙁 This may be even brought up with her other two situations…
Should every bully be murdered depending on what they do? Should every suicidal person be left to die?
(I think that the suicide part could be more like, it’s an equally valid option…)
Finally, she might have a trial if she gets caught, and probably have to escape from it, regardless of the outcomes,
but she’d be in one of those situations where she tries to justify every action that she did…
If she escapes, she’d probably try to go to a remote island. :p She might be the only one there too…
Not sure if that’s really the best ending, but it’s all I can come up with right now. :p
So, I need some interludes that lead to these key moments, but the story structure is like this so far.
Best Friends are having a normal school day until some bully ruins it, which she’s been doing every now and then.
She even has a nasty reputation with other people at the school.
Come to think of it, being the ironically popular girl at the school, she might have other followers, who knows…
One day during after school hours, for like, help on tests or clubs or whatever the hell they do (I think that’s a thing),
she tries to find a way to get the bully alone (like a bathroom or outside if she’s a delinquent smoker, etc…
I was sort of thinking of a classroom though, who knows. :p That way she could lock it and/or block it with a desk.
Another thing could be that if their outside, the bully would have more room to escape…
I was also thinking she could backstab her assassin style, but that almost seems too sneaky for her. :p
It may seem unrealistic, but confronting the bully would be more dramatic and might work better…
Also, a teacher may also be involved with finding the bully’s dead body or that Yasuko seems suspicious.)
Yasuko’s friend then confronts her and Yasuko tries to defend herself. Her friend is stunned and tells her she can’t believe she did such a horrible thing.
Yasuko then cries angry tears of frustration, believing that she of all people would understand her as her best friend…
She then tries to run away, wherever she can go… I was sort of thinking of a woods/forest nearby at some point, but that might be strange. :p
But I mean, if she’s out in the open forever, she could be caught easily, maybe…
(Then again, if it’s a forest, it could typically lead to the Aokigahara (Suicide) Forest which could easily set up the next scene. :p
That being said, I’m not sure how she’d pop back up to seeing stores again for the third part…)
Yasuko then tries to help a suicidal person until said person tells them that they want to die, so she tries to comfort them in their final moments…
Meanwhile, things try to go back to normal as the police are still investigating her, or perhaps by Scene 3, and Yasuko’s friend says she wants to help.
(Come to think of it, being promoted to Student Council President might not make any sense, and she might not even need to be one, who knows. :p
As the police arive, it should already be late, and she might be told to go home, but if she gets accepted, part of it might be from some proof of merit…)
Yasuko then finds herself back into a city, or her own city, and finds a homeless person or more in need of food…
But she might not have much money on her so she has to steal…
This is followed by more police scenes. :p
Yasuko eventually gets caught and tries to justify herself in a court system.
Regardless of outcome, she’s arrested, whatever her sentence may be…
She then tries to escape and finds herself running away to a remote island, a place where she can be herself, alone…
A bittersweet ending, but at least she’s alive and relatively happy, even if society won’t accept her.
That’s my plan so far. :p
P.S. I feel like drawing a rather simplistic stick figure drawing (cuz I can’t draw. :() of a personification of suicide… I actually googled depression personification/anthropmorphism and found all sorts of crazy drawings of these monsters representing mental disorders that look almost like yokai, like heartless from Kingdom Hearts or Okami, or just… whatever. :p It’s really cool. :O
Anyways, the suicidal person would be like… on their knees with a gun to their head with a solemn expression on their face, as a darkly beautiful female angel wraps it’s arms around them… one that also wears a black robe, with wings stained with blood, if not chains to bind you down to signify “depression” that won’t go away. Basically an angel of death. :p Is she meant to help you, or hurt you? It’s hard to say…
(Come to think of it, if it ever looked more horrifying, it would probably be more like the rpg maker horror game crooked man during that one scene. :p)
But yeah, I hope you enjoy my ideas! <3
Lyrics (English translation):
Where once pennyroyal and wild mint grew
and the first cyclamen sprang up,
now peasants bargain on cement prise
and birds fall dead in melting furnace
in earth’s embrace,
to this world’s balcony
never come up again
where once the mystics joined their hands
reverently before entering the sanctuary,
now passing tourists throw their cigarette butts
and go to see the new oil refinery
in earth’s embrace,
to this world’s balcony
never come up again
where once the sea was blessed
and flocks and herds bleated joyfully in the fields,
now trucks carry to the shipyards
lifeless bodies, young workers and scrap metal
in earth’s embrace,
to this world’s balcony
never come up again
-In Greek mythology Persephone was the daughter of Demeter, goddess of plant life, harvest and agriculture. Persephone was abducted by Hades, god of the Underworld, who wanted to marry her. It was eventually arranged that Persephone would spend the autumn and winter with Hades and be allowed to return to her mother every spring and summer. This myth was used to explain why no plants grow for six months every year: Demeter mourns for her daughter.
-In the video we see the city of Eleusis and its ancient site. Eleusis was the site of the Eleusinian Mysteries, which were initiations held every year for the cult of Demeter and Persephone.
-The song is symbolic. This world, as it is, isn’t a place for Persephone to be. This world has become a nightmare. Persephone must remain in the Underworld, spring will never come…
Some of you may have communicated with my brother here. His username was “Noom”. On April the 19th 2013 he drove to a secluded place and carried out his suicide via helium.
I love my brother and accepted his decision, but I’m here to give you an insight into the lives of those who have lost someone special who they love unconditionally to the tragedy you all so casually discuss.
I was married for four years – my wife couldn’t handle it and left a month after my brother died. I have spent months on end contemplating suicide and trying to cope with anti-depressants while doing my best to hold on to a job which is all I had. Our mother is the shadow of the person she was; tormented and stricken by grief every single day and my father is ridden with guilt. My eldest brother has a 2 year old daughter who will never know the most caring, sensitive human being we had in our lives.
Our lives have been turned upside down and the pain will never end for losing him in such a tragic, sudden way.
Please take my word that people care. Do not become isolated, people are more caring than you believe.
My own feeling is mostly unclear.
I contemplate everything with the clearest mind yet I can’t figure out what it is that triggers these thoughts. I have no reasons as to why I believe that the grass is greener on the other side of the ground for me. I have no tragedy’s to face, no pain to feel and no place to be. So why do I feel this way? Why do I always feel plagued with just stopping it? I look at life for what it is. I look at death and see it for what its deemed. I contemplate both with the clearest of minds and neither really appeals to me. And by what right do I have to write this? I see all these people, whether it be in the news or just on my street, they deal with so much pain. Such struggle and such troubles yet they are still here. They carry on. They have some sort of drive that I’ve never experienced. Why don’t they feel the way I do? I feel pathetic at times knowing these people can carry on yet I’m considerate of putting myself away without facing any turmoil. There are so many thoughts a wash in my mind spilling dangerously close to the plughole and I can’t help feel they are the most rational I have.
We are all going to die. So why are we forced to live. I just wanna go. Sorry.
Stop hating yourselves for a moment…
Now, get used to doing that a lot.
You feel more than most people. You are the normal one. Your home, your community, your “world”, does NOT have to end in tragedy. The planet survived ‘the dark ages’ , and I suggest you survive yours.
Don’t let those bastards win.
I’m 13 years old. I would tell you my name, but being new here, I don’t know if I can trust you all to that extent yet. Normally, I post poems that reflect how I feel at the moment, or how I felt throughout the day, but right now I’d like to get a few things off my chest. I’ve told a few of my friends some of this before, but no one knows all of it at its worst. I feel as though I can trust all of you with at least this, even if I don’t know you. So here it goes.
When I was little my grandparents lived only a few blocks away, and my parents tried to convince me to visit them as often as possible. I refused as often as possible. I don’t know why, but I always hated going there. I only ever enjoyed going there when my cousin went to and we would have a sleepover. I would only ever play with her when we did that, and I didn’t really pay attention to my grandparents.
Boy do I regret that now.
Whenever I refused my dad (as they were his parents) would say “you know they won’t be here forever. You should spend more time with them.” But I didn’t. I never did. I never wanted to. I thought I had plenty of time. Years and years and years and years. But I didn’t. I only had a few years.
My grandparents moved from their house a few blocks away to a motor home in my backyard, and they planned on going down to Georgia for the winter every year. Even after my grandparents moved into my yard, I still didn’t visit them often. Making up excuses such as being too busy, having too much homework, etc.
Winter came around(I cant remember if it was the first or second winter when it happened) and tragedy struck. My grandpa became sick. I didn’t visit them often, so I didn’t even know what had happened. All I remember is waking up one morning and there being ambulances and police cars scattering my yard, driveway, and even a few in the street. I held in tears all morning. My mom told me what happened afterwards at the bus stop because i had asked her not to tell me yet because i didnt want to cry in front of my grandpa (I knew there was something wrong yet i just didnt know what exactly).
We had state testing at school that day. I had just finished when I was called down to the office. I knew what it was. He was either dead,or almost dead. I met my younger brother half way down the hall.
Oh God, my brother. He was so little. My grandpa couldn’t leave now. His birthday was in a few months! He had to stay he just HAD to, but he didn’t he didn’t stay. I left the hospital that night and i remember my dad said he was going to stay a little longer. I said goodbye to my dad and my exact words were “Tell grandpa I love him, and give him a hug for me.”
I went to the hospital every day until he passed (which was that Sunday and if I remember correctly he was put int he hospital on thursday). I was glad that on Saturday I had gotten the courage to go into his room and see him one last time, but afterwards I went back home and saw a picture of him. He looked so healthy and happy. His hands weren’t purple. He was standing, smiling.
Now, I regret every time I said I didn’t want to visit him, every moment I didn’t spend with him. I wish I could go back and change everything. But I can’t. Now I need to remember that he wouldn’t want to see me cry over him. He would want me to be happy. I need to stay strong. Stay strong for him.
But sometimes it’s too much. Bullies at school, my awful luck of breaking a bone while still healing from my last break, parents yelling. Theres too much stress. To much sadness. Sometimes I just cant take it. I cut. I wish I didn’t, but it’s how I cope sometimes. One of my friends told me to tell an adult, to get help. But if my parents found out they’d be mad, so mad that I would do something like that. A therapist would piss me off. After people found out, I would be bullied. I just can’t. I need to do this on my own.
Many of us on here have experienced a tremendous amount of tragedy and loss in our lives unfortunately. I wanted to share with you what I went through, and how it changed my life.
It all started on January 15, 2011. That morning, my parents had taken my 9-year-old cat Tiger to the vet. During the past few days, we noticed that he had become more distant from us, and began to suffer weight loss and smell odd. He also was found in places we normally didn’t find him, mainly my parents’ bathroom. However, being the foolish optimist that I was at the time, I never even thought of the possibility of something bad happening to anyone in my family, and was sure that we would be able to treat whatever was making him ill. But I was wrong. That afternoon, we got a call from my mom at the vet, announcing that Tiger had complete kidney failure, and that there was no hope for a recovery. I was advised to stay home while the rest of the family went to the vet to be with him before he was put down, for they felt it was not necessary for his current condition to be my last memory of him.
Days passed. I cried in the morning, afternoon, and night. My buddy was gone. There was no one there to sleep in my bed with me anymore. No one there to give me good-morning rubs. No one to come visit me while I did homework.
Finally, over three weeks past. We were told that the urn we had picked out for his ashes was ready to be sent home. During those weeks, I had tried to find comfort from schoolmates. Sadly, this is where I learned that society is often not sympathetic after one loses an animal. Unfair, right? The most I would get would be no more than a couple of days of hugs.
Suddenly, right before the one-month anniversary of Tiger’s death, our 19-year-old cat Tigger (called Boo-Boo), lost a serious amount of weight, and eventually stopped eating and using the litter box. He looked awful, and on February 10, was put out of his misery in the same vet Tiger died in.
Two animals gone, only our 7-year-old dog Bailey left. But life must have wanted to teach me a serious lesson about something, because soon after Boo-Boo was gone, she began to suffer stomach pain and wouldn’t get up. I thought she was grieving along with us, but upon visiting a vet in a nearby town, Bailey was diagnosed with cancer. I watched her slip away physically, until she was no longer able to climb the stairs by herself, run, or eat. On March 7, just over a month before her 8th birthday, doctors told us even surgery would not guarantee a full recovery, and she was gone.
The house was empty now, and I never looked forward to entering it. I hated myself for trusting life so much. I certainly had no interest in getting another dog (not that it’s THAT easy), or in anything else. I couldn’t play my guitar, concentrate in school, or write anything. Even while outside the house I was tortured by everything I saw or herd, such as people out walking with their dogs, kids at school talking about their cats, commercials for PetsMart, shows on Animal Planet. I needed a reason to feel whole again. In school, they tried to tell us that animal had no souls. After all that I went through, I wanted (and still want) no part in any religion of any kind, and do not believe in God (don’t hate me for it!).
After four awful months at home, Mom could no longer stand being in an empty house alone, and began searching online for different breeds. She expressed interest in a golden retriever. I let her talk away, because I had no interest at all. Finally, one day, she mentioned that a female golden retriever had hatched into the world on May 2, and needed a home. We never got to experience puppyhood with Bailey, since she had spent the first five months of her life in a canine academy, where weÂ attemptedÂ to train her. I decided to go. Why not? Maybe I’ll actually like this puppy.
We arrived at the breeding house, where an energetic puppy was scurrying frantically around her kennel. Excited to see new people, she grabbed the nearest toy and tried to decide which of us she would greet first. We sat with her for about an hour. The puppy was a little wet since she had fallen into her water bowl shortly before we arrived. She climbed all over us and showed off all her toys. I suddenly felt a warm sense of peace and happiness that I did not think I would ever feel again. We talked it over at home and on July 1, 2011, Lilly Grace was adopted and brought home into my life.
In closing, Lilly is now two years old, and has brought so much joy to me, and helped me to discover a new love and appreciation for life and for animals. Without her, I don’t know where I’d be today. I also look back on Tiger, Boo-Boo, and Bailey and think about how lucky I was to have them as part of my life. I don’t trust life the same way I did anymore, but that doesn’t stop me from loving Lilly as much as I do.
If I were to be honest for a change and told you what was inside me. All the demons I fight every day. How much regret I have for everything I have done. If I told you that I want to kill myself. Would you understand? Probably not. Everyone looks at me like Iâ€™m insane. All the scars on my arms and legs it reminds me that my past is real. Every day I look in the mirror and hate what I see not just the outside the inside too I feel so ugly. Iâ€™m full of anger and sadness. Iâ€™m deprived from happiness. I would tell you my story but it is way too long. If you just knew the pain that I go through everyday would that make you guys think for once and change. I donâ€™t know why I would tell you to do that. Well I guess I do maybe someone would not have to go through what I had to go through. You think tragedy is a choice your wrong. I grew up wrong and I mean whoÂ didn’tÂ There is not a single family that is perfect. Later on in life after everything seems to settle down your life is not in chaos anymore but yet youâ€™re still in pain. I will feel this way until I can learn how to deal with all the pain I feel and loneliness that feels so overwhelming that you would rather die. Until then I will not be living I will be trying to survive. I know for once the truth of how cold this world and the people in it can be. I hope you see that maybe there is hope for you because I donâ€™t see hope for me. I would never want anyone to feel the way I do. When you know that you are truly alone in all this and there is nothing you can do about it, you will come to realize to just cope until you canâ€™t go on anymore. My past was a mess I did everything possible to try and feel okay. That only left me with regret and sadness. I know I must be boring you but I just want to say that if other people have suffered and learned to cope and have a happy life you can to. Please donâ€™t give up that easy because you are special to someone and someone would suffer a great deal of pain without you in the world. Thanks for your time.
The world is becoming such a terrible place. Nothing will change until some major tragedy will open people’s minds. So I’ve decided no matter what, I won’t wait. I will commit suicide. I will try. We’re already too many, one in minus, won’t count.
Hey guys! I’ve noticed a lot of negative energy surpassing my computer screen and mingling with my mind reading your life stories. I honestly think that it’s time we change our ways orÂ at leastÂ attempt to make our lives brighter. Many of us are young and struggling with theÂ convolutedÂ ways of life while others are a bit older, wondering how you made it this far. Many of us don’t know what to do with life; you’re simply stuck. Many of us were/are sexually, mentally,Â verballyÂ and physically abused. Many of us feel Â like life is nothing but a tragedy. (Trust me, I’ve been everywhere you have). Â However, if we don’t make the Â effortsÂ ourselvesÂ to change ourÂ perspectivesÂ on life, no one else will. It’s time to escape the grasps of sadness! You have to conquer life rather than have life conquer you. No one wants to loose a battle. All of us are drained, some more than others. When you’re old and frail, you’ll look back at life and envision it as a shortÂ commercialÂ break. Time flies. Years go by. The clock never stops ticking. When you’re on your death bed, you sure don’t want to be looking back at how life has dragged on. You need to be constantly engaging in something you absolutely love to do- and somethings that you HAVE to do (like fight your problems. Wrestle with life and most of all, be a rebel. Be stubborn and don’t let life win for all the shit it has given you). We can have a thousand reasons to take our lives but if we find that one reason to live for, life will become a blessing.
If you’re young and struggling, trying to untangle yourself from the wires of life, think for a second. Life isn’t designed for you to understand it completely. It has its twists and turns; all you simply need to put your hands in the air, like its a roller coaster and let life look at you with jealousy because you are enjoying the ride it throws at you. We’re all scared and fearful, but if you act like you aren’t, you’re going to become what you act like.
If you’re wondering how you made it this far, think for a second. You may have tried to end your life and it hasn’t been successful; think for just a second. Has it ever crossed your mind that life keeps you here in a cold world because you have warmth to give it by fulfilling your destiny? You have your task to complete, and trust me, it’ll be a story to tell your grandchildren. Your future isÂ embroiderÂ with golden laces; No one’s life is a waste. There is a purpose you’re here for. If you don’t go looking for it, it won’t come to you. (And maybe if you’re tired, I guess you can stand around and wait a little 😉
If you don’t know what to do with life, think for a second. Theres something you ought to love. A passion and talent thats buried in the mess you created life to be. Even if people discard your talent, hobbies, and passion to be worthless, if you love it, nothing else matters. You’ll find happiness, and that’s all you need to sustain your mind- Not the money, sex, friends, love.
If you were abused in your past and maybe you still are, think for a second. Change your situation. Inform a trusted adult, and even if you loose everything you had, you’ll be in a better place. Things in the past has to stay in the past. You can’t look at the step ahead of you if you keep turning around. You need to take theÂ initiativeÂ yourself to take a leap and hope for the best. The past will always come back to haunt you, but treat it like a horror story that you’ve seen 10 times 😉 Â It won’t be scary.
And if you can’t find a reason to be happy about, then look around you. Go outside, take a walk. Smile at a stranger. Take a seat at the park and watch innocent kids playing and crying at childish things and Smile at the simplicity of life.
Life pushes you to the edge to either teach you how to fly or catch you when you fall ;] SMILE!
I am a student of suicide. I am fascinated by it and the prospect does not daunt me in the least. However, I cannot seem to do the deed. I cannot end this life of mine. I have tried ~12 times since I was 9 years old and aside from passing out a few times, I have never even gone into a coma.
If I believed in God, I might see his hand being part of this. However, I think I am just not motivated enough to die. Nor to live. I am in living pergatory.
I am 22 years old now. Female. Asexual, but unable to find a man or woman willing to ignore this. I have been raped, abused, bullied, rejected, and my mental illness swallows me more everyday.
I am big on activism and good deeds and saving animals. I am considered a hero among humans, as well as beautiful, funny, and intelligent. Yet, my self-esteem is non-existent. The characteristics listed above is not boasting, it’s my way of telling you the lies I’ve been fed. I have also been pampered and cheated with a wealthy family who pays my bills and takes care of me monetarily. I am healthy, while I should not be. I am a vegan who refuses to eat well.
I feel as if I am cheating at life. Wasting it’s time, along with everyone else’s.
I don’t feel bad about this world or it’s inhabitants. I have the right amount of skepticism to put down all silliness and negativity (as well as optimism)
Maybe we should talk. Maybe there’s something important I am not paying attention to.
In me, we have that rare case when suicide is considered on purely rational grounds, without being affected by depression, any sort of life problem, nor personal relations’ tragedy. I came in here to share how it is so and to look for an rational advice about whether my conclusions are correct, and in (unlikely) case they are not, – then why it would be so (in detail), and what correct conlusions would be.
The title i gave to this message – “What for?” – is a rhetorical (for me, nowadays) question about life. What for do i have to keep living? What for do i have to continue any efforts of mine spent to keep alive and well? The answer is, as far as i can see – “nothing”.
Let me show you why.
1. Some say, we are to live for children, for family, to continue human race. This is, in my case, incorrect.
I am 30+ years old male single, i don’t have a wife nor any children, and it’s right thing to do: not to create a new family at present circumstances; it’s so not just for me, but for everyone (though most do not realize it, of course). Why? Because in a few decades tops, humans will go extinct. That said, you might even think i am nuts. Before you do, consider the following. I spent several years digging into scientific papers about and related-to methane clathrates in Arctic continental shelves. “Clathrate gun hypothesis” (see wikipedia for it) is not just true; it’s underestimated. The key process – which already started and will be mostly complete in next ~15 years – is melt of sea ice above shallow continental shelves of Arctic ocean, and not just melt of it, but melt of it during months of maximum insolation – namely June through early August. Conclusion about ~15 years needed to most of ice in said regions during said months to be gone – any intelligent person can do by studying PIOMASS data, Icesat II data, works of Peter Wadhams, Wieslaw Maslowski, existing maps of ice cover during last few decades and up to date. Conclusion about key importance of there-and-then ice – is very simply based on the facts that ice reflects most of sunlight back to space, and furthermore, much of secondary near-infrared radiation which GHGs sent back to earth, – is also refltected by the ice; but once ice is gone, both sunlight and secondary radiation from GHGs – most of both goes straight into the water and much of both reaches the seabed of shallow continental shelves, thus destabilizing methane clathrates there (which are kept in solid form only by low temperature). Current observations (since 2010) of Igor Semiletov and collegues, Natalia Shakhova and collegues, and US researchers confirm and quantify already gigantic annual methane release caused by loss of ~10% of summer ice directly above methane clathrates. During June…early_August, solar insolation in Arctic is on par or higher than at Equator. The more open water during maximum insolation months there is above methane clathrates, the more methane goes out; just-released methane, being extremely very potent GHG, accelerate local warming and further methane release, and many times more so in case there is no ice to reflect the heat trapped by released methane. In 2012, ~10% of ice above shallow seabed clathrates was gone during July, yet we already have methane levels so high it’s hard to get straight data on it – the thing is already out of control (so it’s needed to use several sources and carefully look for consistencies between ice cover and methane levels if one wants to avoid using fake – much calmed down, – data). In 10 years, annual methane emissions from Arctic will produce more annual warming effect than greenhouse gases emitted by mankind during all the industrial phase of civilization. In 20 years, every year, methane will warm the globe up _times_ more than all the CO2 and other GHG gases humans emitted up to date. Runaway warming of several degrees celcius in a matter of 2-3 decades will follow. It will result in widespread mega-droughts in many regions (PDSI studies – professor Dai and collegues – indicate that mediterranian, middle east, much of US soil, much of western Europe, much of China and south-east Asia, much of Australia and some of South America will all be rendered unable to produce grain, due to severe-or-worse drought conditions becoming a new norm). It will shift precipitation patterns and produce regular massive floods in those and other regions, in the same time. It will decrease average moisture content of soils worlwide, due to simple fact that higher temperatures and lower humidity (drought conditions) cause further intensive evaporation of what little moisture remains in the soil. It will render most ecosystems destroyed, and most agriculture crops being unable to survive growing season – in nearly all parts of the world, – and it’ll make diseases and parasites to flourish like never before, on both humans themselves and on our plants and animals (this is already starting, scale is already hundreds of billions of dollars of annnual loss worldwide – bird flu, e.coli death/poison cases, malaria, wheat epidemics, “white disease” of corals, you name it; but yet – it’s “just starting”, as all those seen now are but a little glimpse of what we’ll get in 4+ degrees celcius world). In less than 30 years, global civilization will shutdown (possible that it’ll happen much sooner, but not likely any longer than 30). As a consequence, in many countries, central electrical grid will be shut down (not just by global economic and social chaos themselves, but also much via unevitable civil unrests and wars, lack of global supply chains, and infrastructure damage to power grid by unprecedentally strong winds and storms – cathegory 6 harricanes are projected to 1st appear some time near 2020 even today, while at present cat 5 is the “worst” existing cathegory of hurricanes’ power scale). The more countries will have central electric grid failed, the more nuclear power plants will melt – Fukushima disaster was technically caused exactly by the loss of external electric power and impossibility to restore it quickly to cool down those reactors and spent fuel rod pools. Japan was lucky to have winds blowing to sea when Fukushima melted, thus much of radioactivity went into vast Pacific ocean; and while some of future meltdowns will be the same, – many others will be more like Chernobil, radioactively polluting large areas of arable land. The more nuclear power plants melt, the more radioactivity will be around, and what could be easily tolerated by mankind as a single catastrophe – will just be one of hundreds events which together, may well form enoguh radioactivity (bit by small bit) in vastly huge regions to make survival practically impossible. I mean, if we get 1 nuclear plant popping some few hundreds mile away and placing some 0.5 Zv of radioactivity (total for my lifetime) to me, i can live; but if we get several dozens of them each giving me 0.5Zv, to a net total of some ~20 Zv, – it’s quite likely i’ll get some cancer and die in less than a year. With many hundreds of nuclear plants operational, plus nuclear subs, spent nuclear fuel storage facilities, military fission matherial storage facilities, etc – it won’t take long before all but most remote-and-lucky regions become not just unbearably hot, but also dangerously radioactive. I live in outskirts of one big city (more than 10 millions citizens), and for me (and any family if i would create one), it’s a clear death sentense: city itself has 30+ nuclear reactors (mostly research ones) within city borders. All that together plus several other very grim issues such as dependance of agriculture on fossil fuels – which seem to be here to stay for several decades at least; fast loss of genetic diversity of agriculture plants; ongoing deterioration of arable land world-wide due to overexploitation, pollution, erosion, overheating; ongoing pollution of potable waters worldwide by trace amounts of biologically harmful agents – by-products of modern chemical industries; ongoing increase of CO2 due to burning of fossil fuels, – and absense of any real alternative to it (as long as we want those 7+ billions to be fed, clothed, and sheltered) – in sum, among all those, we humans are dead in a few decades for sure. And no, we can’t go back to “hunter-gatherer” life style – for this we’d need things to hunt for and things to gather, but at present, most of those things are gone (most of fish – gone, most of large anymals which were present some 10+ thousands years ago – gone, most of forests present 10+ thousands years ago – gone, etc etc) – and in a few decades left, agonyzing mankind will sure see to consume what little we still have left. By the time industrial global civilization finally shuts down, we will only have rats and cockroaches to hunt, and some few barely edible wild plants’ parts to gather. In a hot and radioactive world, this won’t be enough to survive. So the family and kids – what for i am going to spend my effort on it, if i do know with certainty that they will simply die along with me, and most likely suffer much before gettin dead, too? There is no future for them, and frankly, i see no reason to give some more life where the future likely holds nothing but suffering and death for us all.
Even if all above wouldn’t be the case, there is still issue of overpopulation of Earth; mankind presently consumes more than 120% of renewable resources (cutting into their base), and this can’t last long. In this situation, making children is in fact as suicidal as jumping off the cliff: the only difference being that cliff jump kills just one person in mere seconds, but making more people alive – kills us all in several decades.
2. Some say, we live to make an achievement of our lifetime. Invent something good, write a great book, create a monumental symphony, or just “plant a tree, build a house and raise a son”. The latter part is handled just above, though. For me, the answer to this is “wrong idea”. Mankind already have created too much. Our machines kill the nature. Someone created those – and most likely, without desire to kill nature, but “for the good of people”. Our praised high living standards result in overpopulation and consumerism, killing the nature just as well – and again, someone did invent waterclosets, and tap water, and multi-apartment high-store buildings and skyscrapers, elevators, cars, trains, planes, you name it; all done for the good of people, yet all contributing to destruction of biosphere of Earth, which is our only and supreme life support system. Our art is overcrowded by epically good items – most of which almost noone ever see, much of them unjustily forgotten; and even so, there is more good art than one can hope to see/hear in one’s lifetime, already. But most importantly, nowadays, to achieve something big means to work for some capitalist (for me and for vast majority of people who, like me, are not born having massive fortune to self-finance their own work). To do so means to propel existing system of devouring biosphere further, and, apparently, is no less suicidal than jumping off a cliff: the only difference being that cliff jump kills just one person in mere seconds, but making some capitalist(s) even more powerful – kills biosphere (and its part – us all) in several decades or centuries.
3. Some say, we live to enjoy life. This, is true, but only as long as it lasts. I did enjoy much in my life. Love, friendships, joyful activities. But lately, nothing interests me anymore. I tried all things which were interesting to me, and today, when i am not busy with my work nor my only serious hobby – which is studying climatology, physics, sociology and history of past civilizations, – i surf internet rather mindlessly, mostly reading some news (which confirms time and time and time again that my conclusions about mankind are, sadly, quite sound). From phychology, i know that creating some trouble for myself is the recipy to get my interests revived; where there is trouble, there is also time to enjoy its solution and its absense, where there is times which are hard – there are also unevitably times which are relaxing and entertaining. But frankly, i have my little calm job place 5 minutes of walk from my appartment, i eat well, i sleep well, i have all i need in my humble desires, and i value this peace and personal well being more than enough to willingly abandon it, even if temporarily. It took quite an effort to get it all. Bottom line, it is my belief, – unlike other things which are rational conclusions, this one is just a belief, – that at some point in life, person just grows bored with his/her life, and there is nothing to prevent it nor to do about it. Just like children who lose their desire to taste everything (any objects) quite early, just like teenagers who – sooner or later, – lose interest to have sex with whomever would agree to have sex, – very similarly, any person, sooner or later, loses interest to the last activity which before then was interesting thing to do, for the person. Alas, in some people, this never happens before they die, apparently; in quite many, this happens when they grow old (perhaps it’s other way around – perhaps that’s _how_ people actually become old?). In me, it already happened. My life is not boring thing by itself, far from, but myself, i am bored with it for last few years, and this is something which apparently will stay with me all the way till i die.
4. Some say, there is God, and we are to live here on Earth to earn place in heaven, etc. Myself, i am an agnostic-kind fella: i do not have faith in God (and i am honest enough to say so), but neither i deny the possibility that God exists (so i am not an atheist, either). For some while, this possibility was sort of “last hope” for me, – i thought: “well if God exists and it’s He who gave me my life, he’d probably be angry if i’d kill myself, or if i’d live my life in a way which is useless or sinful”. But not anymore: i realized that if God exists, still, he have chosen to not show himself to me in any reasonably believable manner, and thus, even if God exists, it is his choice to make me live as if He would not exist; to give me this sort of freedom and untie my hands. I am born on Earth and i can touch, smell, see, hear whatever is around me, and then there are sciences to show me so much more than that in a believable manner, and technologies which make things which some ancient cavemen would simply name “miracles” and “god-like”. But God is nowhere to be found, except in sayings of other people, sayings which are always (i checked so many times) of unreliable nature. Always. I ask them how can i know God exists – they say “you can’t, just have faith!”. But faith is something which can’t be “grown” inside one’s mind; it can’t be “constructed”, “built”. One either has faith in God, or not. It’s kind of by-heart thing, one either has it, or not. I don’t. Lucky are those who do: for them, “what for?” question of life will always have at least one answer. For me, there is no such luxury.
5. Some few say, we are to live for others. To help other humans, to give love, to be loved, to make others’ lives better. There is certainly good logic into this one, we humans are pack anymals and thus, we function the best when it’s indeed mutual support and help and good emotions within groups we are a part of. However, this one is substituting the goal with the method. It is “how?” – i.e., a method, – when we say “live for others if you don’t see any meaning in living for yourself”. It’s not a goal by itself. The goal which is reached by said method, – is better life of others. Why exactly i would want to achieve such a goal? Sure there are some practical reasons – for example, mutuality of support means that if i regularly help others, i indeed can hope for at least some support from them at times when i am in crisys myself. Long story short, though, it all boils down to “longer life for others and for myself”. This is the ultimate goal of “living for others”. However, at present circumstances, this is exactly opposite of what i’d wish for both others and myself – see p.1 of this post to see why. Frankly, the more people die before shutdown of global industrial civilization, the less deadly the shutdown itself will be – less street thugs, less desperate-for-food people, less cannibalism, less mass killing and other atrocities, less infections from all the rotting-in-strets bodies, you name it. What little grace can be saved for passing away last 1% of homo spaiens of Earth, – can be saved by reducing population now, while civilization is still holds in most regions of the world (poor Africa already started to disintegrate in some of its countries). And really, that’s the only difference, in the end, between living more with the idea to help others, – and chosing to go away now and thus not doing help to others in observable future (dead people can’t help other, alive people, i mean).
And that’s quite it. There is nothing to live for, for me, nowadays; i continue my existance largely by inertia, and what little curiousity is left in me to see how clathrate gun process is developing, how it affects temperatures worldwide, how much lie and fake is said all around it (in my country, the amount of global warming decline in general, – ESPECIALLY in academic circles, – is mindblowingly huge; clathrates are seen as millenia-scale process of no practical importance, even despite all the latest evidence for the contrary). Much more often than not, mankind makes me ever more grim and pessimistic about its own (and thus, my own – can’t live alone) future. Being rational and rather intelligent creature, i am also unwilling to take any irreversible steps. However, for more than a year now, i see no point whatsoever to continue my personal existance, – while seeing at least 3 points (see above, p.1 through to p.5) to end it. If i’ll do it, it will be in remote area, most likely noone will ever discover my body, noone will ever have to do any effort to bury me, and i’ll use one of methods which i know are 100% effective once put in motion (yes yes, this is internet, so no i am not going to share which ones those are, – this site clearly prohibits it). But it feels quite wrong. Life on Earth is so amazing proccess of billions years long time; how can it be that we, humans, being ones of most complex and advanced creatures ever existed on the face of this little planet, – how can it be that we are failing our mother planet so hard that it’ll kill nearly all multi-cellular life on it in a matter of just couple thousands years since we invented fire?.. It feels so wrong. Unfortunately, i know that nature itself does “wrong” things quite often – species overshoot, eruptions of mega-volcanoes, large asteroid hits and other events which in the past wiped most of life off the face of Earth. But we, humans, did show some promise. We have so rich history… I want to be wrong about our impeding doom and extinction. I want to have hope. May be someone here will show me something which can give a least a tiny bit of hope?
Because myself, knowing what i know, after those years of reading most able researchers of climate and glaciology, i don’t have any hope whatsoever, and for me, the only logical, rational, reasonable and responsible act – is to walk out there and disappear, setting up my own death to be peaceful, quick, and not bothersome to anyone else alive.
The only thing really stopping me from ending my life is my father and the potential pain and sorrow he will feel.Â I’m trying to understand how a child’s death could be seen as such a tragedy in the eyes of parents. Yes, of course, the emotional aspesct of it; “Oh, my son/daughter is gone, ohh after all that time, ohhÂ I’ll never see them again!” Hysterics aside, what do they lose? A child takes without saying thank you, the feel entitled to everything, they grow and leave, tossing the parents aside like nothing. This, to me, doesn’t seem right at all. How can something that has never worked feel it deserves life? I never asked to be born into this life and now they expect me to function in it? I don’t want what my parents so lovingly give to me, knowing I did nothing to warrant it.Â WhatÂ haveÂ I even done other than live under their roof and eat their food? I can’t be the only one who sees what’s wrong here. A child, in so many words, is a burden that has no payoffs other than the experience of “raising a child”. Why would my death be anything but a lightening of the financial, mental, physical, and emotional load upon my hardworking and cherished parents?
So recently I got my hands on some prescription medications and here we go again, that much I was tempted to take them and end it all. My outdated concepts came back to lure me. I even set the date in my mind. Thank goodness I decided to do some research first. And what I found immediately cast off all my doubts. Although those are quite potent drugs that do kill in an overdose, but however unsurprisingly, even in good combination it would take as long as 24 hours before death occurs. I certainly don’t have as much time, so I had to bitterly put them all away, for a rainy day.
I thought about what my family will be like after I die, the events that will take placeÂ following my death. That is not at all difficult to imagine. Each member of my family will turn on the other, blaming him or her only not themselves. There will be a great fight, a racket, with a lot of shouting, cursing, and probably some crying. Since I’m the only child in the family, have no brothers or sisters, all their attention is, undoubtedly, focused on me. And they dictate how I should live my life, have me under their full control. They think they are the masters of my life and will be such forever. Well they won’t. I won’t let them. When I die that will indicate the failure of all their principles and expectations, and their true natures that they’ve been hiding thoroughly under their innocent smiles, will finally surface. My idea is that it could be the best punishment for them to receive.
As for other people, well it’s hard to say how they will react. I don’t know many people, and even less know me. Since I have no friends, no one will miss or mourn or even remember me. Luckily, this isn’t what I seek. My classmates, they prefer to think I don’t exist, there’s a blank space in the place of my photo in their school albums. My former fellow students, they are a bit less egoistic. They say they envy me, but I know they only pity me. Â I’m an example of how one shouldn’t live their life. I am a fallen angel to my fellow students. They will be surprised if they get to know, they never expected such a miserable end. But deep down each of them will suspect I had it coming.
Personally, I think that death of any person is a little tragedy. Even if that person was never known and will be soon replaced by a better candidate to participate in the life. Especially, if that person kills him/herself. Then it’s not only their personal tragedy, but also the tragedy of the humankind as such. It’s the mess around that tipped them over the edge. It’s the cruelty and misunderstanding from the side of other people that they could no longer deal with. If we collect all the death notes that those unfortunate ones leave behind, it will become clear that tragedy is not just a word. It’s a whole matter.
im attracted to your body heat
when we touch its like the first time that we meet
and when you speak its so soft and sweet
it pulls me in like a melody
and know when we kiss itsÂ not good bye
i ill be here lost in time
i cant survive with out you
know this girl i will never doubt you
your word is born and it means to me
all the things that are in my dreams
im lost in the static sound
it pulls me in and i touch the ground
no more wandering
lost and thought and its so haunting
because everything that i wanted
is all the things that you flaunted
ill kiss and hold your ever flaw
because girl you are my song
your kiss is like a tragedy
ill be with you indefinitely
because i cant live with out you
i ponder this when i first found you
you are my hope and my new dream
so please my love dont ever leave,
im attracted to your body heat
your all that was in my dream..
Another day,another page
You’re writing a tragedy
On your face.
Chalk white skin and scarlet eyes,
Sharpest blade and darkest lies.
Self-abuse ,and tears you cry,
You always think you’d rather die.
They say it’s wrong to end yourself,
But what’s the choice,when you have noone else?
Look at my hands,look at my legs-
Broken and soar,I can’t feel anymore
I’m cutting my skin to die from within
And escape from myself…
I’m hurting to heal,i’m dieing to feel
My light’s shutting down
My light’s never real…