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Tag:
trivial
Why my amp? Because you wanted to make sure it hurt. To make sure I’d have 0 joy.
Replacement? Ha, far too broke. Official countdown begins. May sound trivial to most you but this is the cement truck that ran over a camel with a broken back.
The way my life has turned out makes everyday a battle for me. It’s not one of those stories where I have a recognized disability and with effort I am overcoming it while people are proud. Technically I should be a fully functional human being.
I suffer from the most basic aspects of life. I can’t make simple decisions or do simple things. A trip to the grocery store is even something hard, which I avoid and end up screwing it up.
One could wonder how can you screw that up. I get confused and trapped by numbing thoughts and then I resort to negative self defeating […]
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I’m sick of my sickness, don’t touch me, you’ll get this
I’m useless, lazy, perverted, and you hate me
Am I alone in finding a way to blame myself for every single problem, no matter how trivial? Honestly, everything is my fault. I’m sorry. Trust me, the guilt is like gravity to me.
She is perfect, and I imperfect. Things are as they should be.
So, some trivial shit happened about an hour ago:
*Nephew pulls pins out of board, I lose my shit and pick them all up*
Me: Mom, where do we keep the pins?
Mom: How about, instead o-
Me: Uh, I just want t-
Mom: YOU’RE JUST LIKE YOU BROTHER… AND YOUR FATHER!!!
Me: Mom, I just want to know where-
Mom: WHY, YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME!!!
At this point, no one would tell me where to leave them, so I just left them on the table, my sister comes into my room, throws them all over my bed, and yells at me for leaving pins where […]
And that makes me sad, sort of.
My middle name is Maree, and I’ve had serious depression for about three-and-a-half years now. I believe the causes have an older age, but most of it is a bit foggy. Do I write “had” depression, as if it was an object? I had a hat that I used to wear everyday, no matter the weather, but now I don’t anymore. Or is it more of a condition: I’ve been depressed for three-and-a-half years, and the fact that it hasn’t let up tremendously shows it’s more that a bit of the blues.
I’m straying from the point. I don’t know […]
I really don’t ask for a lot out of life. I mean I’ve wished for a lot of things, sure, and who hasn’t? I know that I don’t need a lot of luxuries in life.  But is it really too much to ask for a little stability in my life? All I want to be able to do is go to sleep at night without being anxious about where I’ll end up sleeping and if I’ll eat tomorrow. It’s the reason I ended up suicidal in the first place. Not the self-esteem issues, not the loneliness, not any failed relationship, not school, not work. Hell, […]
everything seems trivial. My job, my life, my relationships, I feel like it’s all meaningless and trivial. I’m an excellent faker, at enjoying myself and being happy. What I really want to do is go and slit my wrists open again, hurt myself, end this empty life that I know isn’t going anywhere joyful. A philosopher once said “happiness is a small desk with a very large waste basket.” who the hell wants to live like that? Not me. I don’t care if most religions say my ass will burn in hell for eternity, I just want the fuck out of this place.
Which brings […]