I’ve not always concealed my emotions. But ‘Never ever would I be caught in a vulnerable state again’, that was my promise to myself, that is my promise to myself. But I find that my promise is causing an unhealthy balance of sadness and the want and need of escape.  Holding everything inside is causing random explosions of emotion and confusion as to which causes me to question everything. Even the stable facts that I already know the truth about. The world in my eyes quaking and the  voice in my head screaming/ yelling.  I distance myself. Pull my heart out from within and lose […]
Tag:
Truth About
I know I’m going to get expelled again. But this time I’m not going to wait to see it happen. I’m having my first exam (in this new university) on Monday. I’ll take it. And then I’ll end it. Even just now, instead of getting myself ready for the upcoming exam, I’m just sitting here and staring straight before me. Every moment sucks. Every damn moment. I can’t get over the thought that I’ve chosen the cheapest way to die, and the most ridiculous. Drowning myself in a laundry basin, bullshit, huh? I’ve even been working hard on it, made a few trial runs, to […]
my mother’s father was the village principal. Our family was a prominent, priviledged and respected family in the village. We were also religiously devout. We gave a lot of money to the temple and helped build temples, schools, etc. Somebody distorted the truth about my family and has belittled my family down to ANTICHRISTIANS. They made all the other tamil ppl laff at my mother’s suffering in Canada and my family’s looks and other bad things. THEY SAID WE ARE ENEMIES OF CHRIST. THIS is JUST MY FAMILY and FAMILY LINE. HE USED ME BADLY AGAINST THE GLORIFICATION OF THE MUSLIM RACE. I DO NOT […]
Words do not express, for my emotions run wild
I feel confusion and hate, but mostly just denial.
I need help.
I’ve slipped into this pit more than once in my life
but for the first time I don’t have the strength to make it alright.
I have done this to myself, this disease is now me
I am not a thinker, a lover or you’re friend.
I am my addiction which has no end.
I am it, and it is me. One cannot set the other free.
I lay in this bed in a room filled with sadness
and think back on my life […]
Hi,
I’ve always known this was the next step. Since I started thinking about it though I’ve been scared. It’s been 7 years since I first thought about talking to someone, but I figured there were more cons than pros with it. I decided not to risk it because I didn’t really know what it was going to be like. My mother would get overly involved and I don’t even want her to be tipped off that I’m going in the first place. I also don’t want to get there and be a crying wreck. I just don’t know what to expect and it makes me […]
so lately my friends have been noticing my scars from cutting and theyre questioning it. theyre always talking about how stupid cutting is and how depressed people are crazy and need to be in a mental hospital so i cant tell them the truth about the scars so i need some good excuses, i ve been using “my cat attacked me” story but its not working that well anymore since thats what i always say so any excuses i could use???
i found this website today and made an account and so here i am telling you my story not quite sure why im doing this?
im 15 years old and have depression for around 2 years now
my parents got divorced when i was 3 years old,i have no contact with my dad he sees me twice a year and never shows up for christmas or my birthday and always leaves me crying after he says he will!
my mum tries her hardest with me but never understand,she never shown any interest in my life or how im doing,never has my dad or mum said […]
I am not much of a social person.
Yes normally, I do tend to be on my top guard.
It is only when I think I am in love, then I do tend to loosen up my guard, but just a bit.
I am more of a complexed; frustrated person. I am more of an emotional kind of lover.
I overprotect friends who tends to be in harms way, if not, I still have the habit to.
When I loosen up my guard, I am usually a day dreamer.
I am usually a quiet person who just preplans and happily thinks about her future.
Yes I tend to get over the top at times.
Not […]
A few days ago I lost my head again. It really gets more frequent. It always starts with the truth. The truth about who I am inside and out. It’s why I cry. Because I’ve worked so hard to try and fix myself. Then I realize I’m unfixable. I’m hard-corded. For the first time in quite awhile I want to know why my bio mother did not abort me instead of abandoning me. They really are quite the same. She doesn’t get to see me. And never will. If she saw the person I am and m becoming each year. She may realize the truth […]
You know those times you feel like nobody is listening or you’re all alone and you just wanna give up?! I do.
I feel like that all the time and i can’t help thinking as if suicide is the only way out. I’m NOT that typical girl whose life is soooo sad and everything is dark.I have people called family that love me and care for me BUT, don’t get me.Everybody thinks I’m okay and that everything will be fine. But no they’re wrong they see the happy silly little girl that i used to be until Middle School happened. Until i found out the truth […]
I know no one cares and no one wants to read this, but I want to tell the truth about myself.  I am a complete joke, I am desperately in love with someone, they mean the world to me, I would happily die for them, but I will never get to be with them, even if I only see a glimpse of their face, it has made my whole week, I would do anything just to say hello and for them to acknowledge me. Because I know I will never be with them, I have made it the sole purpose of my life to make extraordinary achievements,  so that maybe one day they […]
I know how it feels to be sad. Depressed. Like no one cares. Like you don’t want to live anymore. I feel that right now. I would think a lot on how would I kill myself. Finally I made up my mind.. I wasn’t going to hang myself, or cut my throat or wrist. I figured the best way was to over dose. What could happen. I wouldn’t feel the pain. I would just take the pills and go to sleep. No big deal. I would say no one would care. I am just some ugly stupid girl who is stupid and worthless. I am sitting […]
Hate, depression, constant crying, constant suicidal thoughts, constant self-harm. Who am I? I wish I could remember but the image of who I used to be gets fuzzier, and fuzzier. Had I known I would feel such loneliness in the future, I would have ended my life on that faithful April 27, 2006. I’m surrounded by many who claim to love me, yet in my mind I’m trying to deal with the fact that I’ve been abandoned by everyone. Maybe I have and everyone is just pretending to be nice, all I ever meet are extremely nice people, and I can’t help but love them. I […]
the truth about me is that i try my hardest to be someone im not. if i were to go in school right now wearing what im wearing now (leggings, skirt, sweater) people would beat me up and make fun of me. instead i go in there wearing hollister and fancy rich people clothes. i feel kinda stupid when i walk down the hall, and this girl comes up to me and says this (one example) “you know youd look WAY better with a bag over your head right!?” me: “i dont know..” Girl: “well its true!!!” *walks away laughing with her 5 best friends* […]
Verse 1:
Surrounded by all these people
Not one of them I call by name
The occasional friend that’s never there
Yeah it’s close but not the same
Not the same as you
Not the same as us
But I guess there wasn’t anything there
I guess there never was
Never any love
Just the pain that you left behind
I guess I knew you didn’t love me
It was only a matter of time
And
Pre-Chorus:
Now I have
Something to say
Words of advice
To live by everyday
And there’s no holding back now
It’s time that you should know
Exactly what I have […]
Lies mess things up. I’ve told lie upon lie to try to get through each day, week, month, year. They all come back to bite me eventually. I have a few more out there – bills about to come due. God, please make the landing gentle or erase the debt.
My mother lied to me about using my credit card without permission, even with the evidence in her face. My father tells lies – that my stepmother doesn’t hate me, that things will turn out okay. (Things might turn out okay, but he sure doubts it. I can tell.)
If I go on living, I’ll tell lies. […]