This morning I found myself clutching my wrist. There was a bag of razors in the bathroom, my dad was watchin tv, it wouldn’t have been hard to just end it all right there. I dont want to kill myself, I want to be killed. I pray for someone to just run me over, to get my kidnapped by terrorists and shot in the head. I want someone to just do me a favor. Am I being selfish for wanting to leave my family? Do people on this earth really need me or am I just flattering myself? I just dont know anymore. I give up…
Title says all. I’m becoming an idiot… My minds always in a blur to the point of forgetting. I’ve forgotten words, memories and plenty of other things like how to communicate with others. When I try to act smart I always turn out dumb, my friends make sure of it. They make me feel as though I’m an embarrassment. A shame. Not to long ago I had a hard time understanding the tv show I was watching. It took me a whole 10 seconds to process what they had said as well as what was going on. I don’t know what’s going on with me. It’s never happened before. I don’t want to lose the memories of information I need to learn but it’s happening. Little by little I’m becoming what I feel is going to be brain dead, and my mom doesn’t even bother to take me to get it checked out. Not even when I have the painful headaches that follow up.
Anyone else being targeted with directed ” projected ” audio that has given them mental disorders and psychological damage ? Everyday , even at night while I am trying to sleep I am mentally tortured with this technology. I wonder how many people have lost their sanity, freedom or life from their mental health being attacked like this. Watching those TV shows about ghosts makes me curious as to howe many of those people have been victims of these crimes. ( that violate international treaties ) .
This horrible , inhumane targeting of a human beings rights are being done with malice and intent. No way around that.
Need I say more? It seems like this is the day for rubbing one’s relationship in everyone’s face and acting like you could be happy for them while they do.
Honestly though, it used to depress me more but now it just pisses me off. At least I don’t have to watch stupid fucking commercials about it all season since I don’t have a TV.
Ive neen hopelessly suicidal my entire life. I’ll never make anything of myself i tried. Im just waiting for deaths sweet embrace to end my suffering. I hate this shit. I hate tv, back pain, all I do is eat and im emotionally fucked up all the time.
I started getting involved in things I do love. I hung out with family today, even though I didnt want to. I tried being nice, also I didn’t want to. I’m applying to jobs, reading and talking about the walking dead books and show.. And doing things I love. I watched tv. Again. I like the show fargo. About to watch homeland. And I’m figuratively and literally putting one foot in front of the other.. Even though it hurts. I’m always going to try bettering myself.. I hate that it took 8 months to cope and maybe more.. But I’m trying and it does feel alittle good hanging for dinner with my parents.
Seriously the days are getting so hard :(. I don’t want to do this anymore. I am so sick of pretending to be happy and doing what I am supposed to. I know my life isn’t going to change. Tonight it took almost everything I had to not just run away and hide and start over alone. Seriously I have like no friends. No one to talk to and I am so sick of being alone and having no one when I need them. The only voices I hear are on tv. :(. I don’t know how long I can live in this sucluded life.
We all have a safe haven a place where we can be away and safe from all the agressions world throws at us.
Mine is my living room couch even in good days if go to bed whthout spending half an hour there ill have a hard time trying to sleep its the, for me only way to calm down at the end of the day laying there in the dark watching tv or listening classical music.
i dont know if i can go on anymore i practically cry myself to sleep every night , i do nothing throught the day but watch tv or think about how i used 2 get high. idk what to do i see nothing changing anytime soon i just want the pain of living 2 go away its said when you have a better life dreaming then reality.
I’m stuck again… this time, I no longer feel the satisfaction I used to feel. Nothing seems good to me… watching a movie or TV show doesn’t satisfy… doesn’t distract me from what’s going on inside.
The scariest part, not even food tastes the same…
I wish I could find some relief… but I don’t know where to go… I’m not sure what to do.
The worst part? This is all my fault… I screwed up again…
I wish I were dead. Or maybe that I never existed… maybe then I wouldn’t hurt so many people.
“You need to find a reason to stay alive”
A simple and annoying sentence that people used each time I come to them to explain about how I’m having suicidal thoughts. It’s easier said than done. While I hate it so much because they kept on replaying it like some kind of broken radio, I do realize it’s because they can’t really do anything about it. About me. I tried and be open about my situation to my most trusted friend. We argue a little about how she didn’t reach me and try to help. But in her defense, there’s nothing to help when I can’t even tell her what’s been bothering me. Instead of trying to solve my issues, trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, she decide to let me deal with it myself, but in order for me to deal with it…….
“You need to find a reason to stay alive”
She did used that sentence. That same quote but this time, she guide me through it. She told me try and have a small reason first. She told me its good that I go back to my parents. That’s one reason to stay alive. She ask me to go and find things, no matter how small of an achievement it is, go and find it. And I did just that. I start simple. I watch tv series. Weekly tv series. The Flash, Brooklynn 99, Scorpion, The Big Bang Theory. I did that but I still felt useless. I talk to her about it. And then I realize, the whole day have passed and I’m still alive. That’s another reason.
Maybe my opinion changed. Maybe I’m tired of feeling depressed. I always thought I was born to achieve or do something great. Something exciting. But I finally realize I don’t need to do something great, I just need to do something, anything. I need to feel accomplishments. Small, but it would make me feel that sense of achievement that I need. After that I start going out. A simple walk to the park and jog. That’s another reason that keep me going. I start watching tv series that’s exciting. It makes me want to watch more. The more I watch, the more time flies. And just like that, another day pass without me thinking about killing myself.
I’m not here to give advice. I’m a mess myself. But if you’re anything like me, you should try and grab that little achievements. That little reason. If you like to draw, draw something and finished it. If you like to play games, get a new game, try and finish it. Put aside the thought that it will be a waste time. Put aside feeling like you’re a loser in the eyes of people around you. Because this wasting time, this being a loser thing is something that will keep you alive. Be a winner in your own little world. At least that helps me a little. I still don’t have a job. Still don’t know where I’m going in my life. But having this little achievement does help me get through the day. It’s the reason I’m alive today. Most important thing, try and find that one person you know that willing to help you by listening. There’s a huge burden lifted off me these past few days, and it’s all because I reached to someone instead of hoping them reach me. And this is what I learn by writing here, with the help of few user here with their helpful comments. Writing here was the best move I made when I start having all these suicidal thoughts.
im watching season 5 of american horror story in rabbit if anyone want to join me it doesnt have to be american horror story i can play anything i just want to have like a movie night with ppl or something a bit bored atm
to say too much?
If this is the only life that we are going to live through, and our only chance at happiness, isn’t it a bit worth sharing emotions and passions to the point that it becomes awkward? Isn’t that what being a human is all about?
My trouble with relationships is the mundane. Fuck the weather. Fuck sports. Fuck fashion. Fuck Hollywood. I’d rather talk about us and the silly memories that we’ve been through, and, of course, the bad ones too. Others in my life, however, do they desire these relationships like I do?
I yearn for passionate relationships but get stuck when someone tells me about something new in the media. I get that we, as humans, like things like sports (unless you’re me), but do relationships formed mainly on interests last? What if you go blind and can’t watch TV anymore? Will your friends still like you if you stop dressing nicely? I’m just thinking here, so feel free to express your opinions and experiences by all means.
Walking back to work today from my lunch break, I started thinking about the piano(keyboard) sitting in my apartment. I’ve had it for a year but have only played with it twice; still on the first couple pages of my 6 week lesson guide. I bought it to fulfill part of the destiny I laid out for myself. When you’re as cowardly as I am, suicide is nothing more than a silent longing, and so I fully expect myself to reach old age.
If and when I do make it to gray hair and wrinkles, I want to be away from society and on a farm. Tons of land for the animals I save from the butcher to live out their days however they please. Grazing, frolicking, whatever. I see a big red barn with a few stables and hay everywhere. Somewhere in the mess is a grand piano. I dunno, I don’t think 60 year old me will still like playing video games. If I’m still a gamer then I’ll scrap the piano and install a massive plasma screen (or whatever the latest TV is) on one side of the barn, and park my Lay-Z-Boy in the middle.
Yeah, I’ll probably get the TV. Learning new things.. I dunno. Part of me feels 80 years old and at peace with my impending death. It’s just that I’m actually 29 and still have a long way to go. Anyway.
Last cigarette ever. I’ll never get my farm and free the animals and have a giant futuristic TV in my barn if I keep wasting money on metaphorical cigarettes (food that makes me sick, games I don’t need, this stupid trip to NY that I’m taking etc.). I kinda blew off this chick at work after she offered to help me get out of my rut. I can’t listen to other people anymore and the advice that they have because it simply doesn’t, hasn’t and never will apply to me.
We’re all walking around in similarly shaped bodies of varying skin tone but inside we’re all different kinds of animals. Human is what this fleshy shell is, but we ain’t all hermit crabs. After New York, I’m never going to let myself get swept up into other peoples plans for me without good reason. This whole trip is going to be a disaster and I stupidly agreed to it out of guilt. Ah well, live and learn. I’ll pay this debt and move on.
a lot of the time I don’t even know why I’m feeling the way I do…is it my past?
i can just wake up and just feel like I want to die…I don’t want to get out of bed I stay in the dark no tv or anything and turn my phone off….
some days r good tho and I can laugh and smile then it’s back to this dark place….
i don’t like living like this I want to escape it and the only option seems to be suicide….
i don’t see any other way.
I have a very painful story.. My uncles & grandparents betrayed my parents when they were newly married.. They were out of house and money.. My mom has a psychological disorder.. My dad has so many confusing decisions.. My uncles killed my 3 elder Siblings.. I am the younger one and the one and only son of my parents.. By the situations and time.. I saw everything Bad.. Some goodness.. I am in love.. But i cant get her.. Bcz she’s in another country.. I was going kill myself last night by jumping off balcony.. But i saw a news in TV infront of my building.. A soldier was died in a war.. Then i ran out of my house.. And going to join in Army.. I will die for my country in a war.. Killing and Dying Day by day.. war by war.. I am a Solider… Be a Soldier.. This is the way to suicide Heroically.. Bye fellas and I will be in news some day…. INCOMING SOLDIER………………….
Gummy bears, Jack Daniel’s, good beer, great bud, Volbeat live on u tube on a huge TV with mad surround sound and I still hate life. To those that mean it blow your Fukin head off, that’s the closest to definite your gonna get!!! That’s REAL mofo’s! WURD!!!
Title says it all, I wonder what like minded people’s favourite quote is? It can be from a book, tv, film, radio etc…
Mine’s, “”I know myself” he cried “But that is all-“” said by Amory Blaine in the end of This Side of Paradise by Fitzgerald.
I watched a video of a man killing himself today.
He was some American politician that was accused of something and the day before his trial he called a press conference and shot himself on live TV.
I should have looked away and turned it off, but I watched it over and over again.
I should have been horrified by the violence but I was amazed by how quickly it was over for him.
This can’t be a good sign.
Is it possible to actually die of boredom? I’m desperately hoping so. For the past few months, it’s been just so boring. School is a waste of time. I get all A’s, a B, and a C. I spend the day learning useless factoids that will never be necessary in later life, and then maybe go home and play music, and then just watch TV and eat ice cream before going to bed. Then, the game begins again. The weekends are just a continuation of my after-school activity, and they’re boring too because I remember that school is a day or so away. I have no friends. Sure, I talk to people casually, but I don’t connect with anyone. I guess people think they connect with me, but no one just gets it. It’s just all so meaningless and pointless. At this point, death would be a welcome gift.