I used to be so good at the charade of living (going to work, paying my bills, staying fed, keeping up appearances etc). Now, every moment is a fight. I have no will to maintain my life anymore. Being at work feels like a joke. I want to jump in front of a train, but instead, I ride it to the office everyday. Why? So that I can maintain my lifestyle until I die.
I frigging hate living! Oh my god! Every moment feels like gravel in my bloodstream. I spend most of my waking hours doing things I’d rather not be doing, and the rest sleeping in front of the TV. This is not a life, man. This isn’t for me. I look around at people, they’re living in these fantasy story books. My life just feels like a function. I live because I live, so I live. I’m here for no other reason than the fact that I’m here.
Why do I keep crying to the internet? It’s all futile.