All this stress from not wanting to be alive anymore, to fake friends , no real emotional support, my rape, my rape case going up into smoke and having to still continue living when my suicide attempt wasn’t successful has been weighing me down the whole year. Today for two minutes I find some kind of solace, or peace that felt was the closest thing to feeling celestial I could achieve (considering I don’t believe in God, heaven or hell). Then I find out then I’m about to flunk out of school and that numbing misery is re-injected into my soul to disinfect the small […]
My life just took an 180Âº turn.. for worst.
So I had my appointment with the psychologist today. Needless to say that two minutes in and he was already giving me paper tissues. I was crying my heart out. I told him pretty much everything. Concentration problems, trouble sleeping, depression, lack of memories, suicidal thoughts (I explained I wouldn’t do it because of my mom tho). And according to him, I should had seeked help a long time ago, as now I am so deep into depression.
Result from appointment: Tomorrow I have another appointment with the psychiatrist so I can start right away taking antidepressives and […]
I don’t know what I’m feeling again, I want help but at the same time I just feel like I want to stay sad. Stay alone. I want to travel, travel to somewhere sunny like Greece, but since I’m living in China, I can only go to Sanya, wich wouldn’t be bad at all either. The thing is I can’t. Why? I’m sixteen and stuck. I don’t want to sound like one of those teenagers who say “I hate my parents, they don’t let me do shit” No. I don’t hate my parents, I just have no feelings towards them. Sure I get mad at […]