There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
If Something created life I just wanna ask why …. for us to live with our struggles with no way out is so cruel but when the day comes for me to take my own life I will do it with a smile for I made my own way out and the things that had me stuck to this reailty I wont care about that anymore I wont take part In this existence anymore!!!!
Usually the thoughts to take my own life start when the day is coming to an end, today they started when i opened my eyes with the help of my mom. Either she is blind, a retard, or a selfish.
I honestly dont wanna be here anymore, no one seems concerned with what is actually bothering me yet i know they can see it, not like there is anyone anyway. When i blow out my candles this year ill wish i was never born, i usually wish for love and happieness but fuck that, that wish clearly isnt happening for me no matter what i […]
Help me if you can
Its just that this
Is not the way I’m wired
So could you please
Help me to understand
Why
You’re giving in to all these
Wreckless dark desires
You’re lying to yourself again.
Suicidal imbecile.
Think about it.
You’re pounding on the fault line.
What’s it gonna take to get it through to you precious.
I’m over this.
Why do you wanna through it all away like this?
Such a mess.
Well I don’t wanna watch you
Disconnect and self destruct one bullet at time.
What’s your rush now?
Everyone will have his day to die.
I’ve only posted on here so many times but I’ve never really gotten deep into how I feel or what my life is like, mainly because I know nobody cares, but right now, things are so hard and I just really really wanna kill myself. The days are emotions range, I’m never truly happy though. I don’t think I can be happy on this earth anymore. Not until I leave it but I’m just at a really awful point right now and I don’t know what I’m looking for I just want to kill myself and feel so incredibly alone it’s awful.
Another song I wrote a while back and decided to record (poorly). Basically a suicide note, a very mild one, in song form.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Movin-On-5_7_16-2.05-PM.m4a
Verse
I don’t wanna bother you anymore
Because I know how much that hurts
I don’t wanna be there at your door
Making your life so much worse
But I can’t help that I exist
So I’ll move along this process
And I’m not the sappy type
So I’ll keep this letter short
It’s the last that I will write
But don’t think it’s your fault
I’ve got a better place to be
And you’ve got better people to see
Pre-chorus
I’m sorry it […]
Hi been a while Im still horrible and want to die but cant
Fond out my sister in law had to get rid of her pregnancy I have be a mess since I found out i was there on the phone when she was given the good news now im sick over it . I cant talk to my brother beacuse I know I will cry on the phone with himand I dont want to put Him threw that .
I hust hate my life Im traped And i wanna die really just drop dead .
Im gonna see captain America tonight that about it .
I been thinking […]
I don’t know why I keep trusting people. I just feel like people don’t care. I told a ‘friend’ of mine what was going on with me and he was going through the same thing and I thought that this time its gonna be different. I didn’t even feel awkward or angry about people invading my private and emotional side. I really don’t know why I expected something different this time. No one really cares and I think he’s just like the rest of the people. Just hangs around you when he wants and leaves you hanging when you thought you were friends.
I was smart […]
Just a song a wrote a few years ago after having my heart broken by a stupid boy…I was reminiscing on what it was like when I had the creativity to write, and it felt good to play. This recording is rough, and I messed up obviously a few times, but doing it has helped to curb the pain today.
http://suicideproject.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/Used-to-Be-5_5_16-12.52-PM.m4a
Verse
Sometimes I try too hard
It never gets me very far
And this whole darn world could stop
And I’d never know
‘Cause I’m watching you go
And I don’t wanna settle back down
Into being by myself
‘Cause this whole darn world would […]
Went to the shop to get milk and some alcohol, to make some pudding and drown my sorrows. Got me some vine but I see that I can’t f#cking open it.
Besides that I just wanna f#cking die since a month. I really don’T want therapy, I don’t want to feel happiness, I enjoy my pass-time activities but I am not happy, even when I had my first girlfriend I was apathetic and didn’t feel anything.
Every time I am at my parents house, the gun locker laughs at me, I could just end it all, go to the forest and bang.
System of a Down
Aerials
Life is a waterfall,
We’re one in the river,
And one again after the fall.
Swimming through the void
We hear the word,
We lose ourselves,
But we find it all?
Cause we are the ones that wanna play,
Always wanna go,
But you never wanna stay,
And we are the ones that wanna choose,
Always wanna play,
But you never wanna lose.
Aerials, in the sky,
When you lose small mind,
You free your life.
Life is a waterfall,
We drink from the river,
Then we turn around and put up our walls.
Swimming through the void
We hear the word,
We lose ourselves,
But we find […]
I sit here in utter amazement like I have so many times before, paralyzed stuck on the couch where I’ve been since last night on the down side of this GOD FORSAKEN rollercoaster. It seems like the older I get, there’s not as many highs as there used to be just down, deeper and deeper, when I finally do reach the bottom there’s not even a little bit of light anymore, and it takes so long to reach the top again, I suppose I will get up soon and try and find something, anything to ease the pain like […]
This is my first post. I hope its not my last.
Hmm..well..its hard . Waking up every single day. Going to school. Coming back home. And going to bed again. Going to sleep , at night.. is scary. Because you know ,then you’ll have to wake up tomorrow. I just feel like im done. Not that i dont have anymore strength left .but that i have no will left.
Really got no reason to go through each day. I hate going to school. Sitting there, among the same people. And feeling disconnected. Meh. There’s just a friend, whose presence keeps me […]
I went to see uncle Tom, because our sicknesses are the same.
I never thought of that before, is genetics to blame ???
So I asked how do describe me, because words I can’t find.
He looked at me and smiled, and said you have an un-quiet mind.
An un-quiet mind ??? I’ll be damned you’re right.
That’s always been my problem, no peace in sight.
From the time I wake up until the time I go to sleep, and all the time in-between
All of the noises and voices, I just wanna scream.
But screaming won’t […]
Extremely long rant sorry ….
Oh im sorry great and all power full Sandra I dishonored you. !!!! Have I fail you I have not gave you grandchildren because “I wanted to get my financial right” her words .FUCK ME its was not i was 18 year old newly wed I wanted my own home …You know if I had a bed that did not come out of the wall. And well you know not living with you in small apt with you if I have sex no fucking will hear me the last thing I want right now is child . beacuse if you’s decided […]
I know
I know that my friends have other friends.
I know that I might be too busy sometimes or that I don’t always have a ride.
I know that I can be annoying, selfish, violent, moody, but I just want you to understand.
Understand that whenever I make a mistake, I think about what you would have done. That when people meet me, I think about how much better things would go if I were you. That even though I may seem fine, I just want to die.
I know that I’m awkward and don’t have as many friends as you. But it doesn’t help when you brag about what someone […]
So, I’ve mostly been coming here, just to make jokes and poke fun. Truth is, I’m losing. I have a taste of fun here, that’s all.
Fuck. Trying to think of what to say….
Wake up every day, hoping today’s the day. Hasn’t been yet.
I set my date or whatever, but, fuck plans and schedules.
I’m not concerned with being considerate in my death. Fuck em.
Always a reason. Always a hope. Always a dream.
So , when it’s time, it’s time. Probably won’t say goodbye. Not going to make a big deal. Guess it’s unfair to those here I click with. I’m […]
I promise tomorrow I’ll be active and try my best to help you out in any way I can, but I’m having a really shitty night rn. I already took my meds and even had a reiki session, as well as meditation, but I still feel in the edge of a panic attack. Just wanna get the hell out my mother’s house. Wish i had somewhere to spend the night.
I prayed for all of you earlier.
Hope you’re doing fine.
But if u wanna talk worthless121@gmail.com
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