I’m hearing things. People who aren’t there. The things they say are true, and they point out things. Things I didn’t notice.
Tag:
Whispers
When something goes wrong that you’re involved with, people blame you. You might have nothing to do with it, they might jump to conclusions based on whispers and stunted truths they’ve heard about you, or may have done something so minimal that in any other coneivable situation, no one would really give a fuck. But, you’re the one allegedly caught red handed, or the master of of everyone’s misfortune. As to whether you did tople the first domino or not, you carry the guilt and shame of always being the fuckup. It’s you who questions why you’re so useless or why you cant anything right. […]
The days when you just feel like giving up. I was determined to be happy today; my all time favorite person (my grandad) is coming for a visit soon and I was excited. But I dont think the universe is ready for me to be happy yet… No, shit HAS to go down and depress me again.
My best friend in the word, my only friend really, has decided to ruin my day. See, we’re in a group to do some little skit in French class… She cant do it. She is incapable of memorizing her 4 lines and refuses to try a simpler part. Its […]
This past month has been so many things; horrendous, miserable, cloudy with a chance of shit, amazing and terrible at the same time.
I attempted to make amends with my mother…she at the first opportunity sent me home said goodbye and drove off.
I tried to help a child in need but was chased away by an overprotective foster parent.
I made an effort to fit in and went to a part, somebody slipped something into my non-alcoholic drink and I ended up vomiting all over the front lawn
I found a boy…A boy who seemed to like me for me scars and all. I remember the first night we shared together, he took me to a […]
When I go to school, out of the corner of my eye I can see them pointing and laughing. When I walk through the halls, I can hear the whispers. Do they think I can’t hear them? Do they think, I am really that stupid to not see through their lies? I am not their friend, I never will be. To them, I will always be a “whore”. “Pathetic”. “Loser”. Ever since what happened on Wednesday. I ignored them. A couple minutes ago, one of my closest friends video called me to call me a whore. “YOU’RE A WHORE. YOU SHOULD GO DIE.” he said. […]
I hide with you all in this world
through glass and paint
we reach
through glass and paint
the barriers confine us
these walls around us
surround us
define us
when hands out
you recoil
in this way you are like me
you wear masks like me and speak in whispers
like me
so quiet
speaking so softly
until it fades away
no
stand
looking up
jaw clenched
hands trembling
defiance burning
scream
the glass
Shatter
I sit alone in my bedroom
I lie alone it what will one day be my tomb
I close my eyes and
Slowly extend my hand
I feel it now upon me
That luscious thing I cannot see
It is a rose petal on my fingertips
Spider silk upon my lips
Touching darkness, a dangerous thing
But it makes my heart sing
I an consumed by my dark lover
It is I she covers
She whispers to me words of deadliest desire
But there is no burning fire
Only blessed cool chills of night
I slip into the world of no light
Here I am King
Oh, touching darkness, the joy it brings
Words and whispers I can’t get to leave my head
The voices call; they want me dead
The asylum grows closer as I grow colder and the threat of pills stays my hand’s blade
One more mistake is all it takes to send me back, and kill my hopes of moving forward.
 My school work, my  job, it’ll all be over.
 Medicines will consume me, taking over my mind.
No longer will I find pleasure in writing lines or playing rhythms, the ability lost in the crusade of science and therapy.
Trust will be dismissed, me reverting to the life of a prisoner for two weeks then a man on probation for […]
bombs arc through the air
and burst on the ground
on roofs, on the houses
on the people hell-bound.
The city is burning
and peace that they’re yearning
dissipate into the night
and wither from sight
the mothers are singing
rocking their children to rest
as the chaos erupts
and sins are soon blessed
The gods turn to demons
and dance to the tune
of the death and the dying
and the promised, sweet doom.
A mother buries her child
among the debris
a candle burns softly
as it’s set off to sea
she cries to the silence
to the cold metal giants
falls to her knees
and then whispers […]
Rumors are such a terrible thing. Wether its something that is a result of Chinese whispers, or wether it’s done intentionally, I don’t know. Now i’m not someone who is bothered by rumors, because most of the time they’re things that have not even a single brush of truth and they actually are quite humoros when it comes to the stupidity.
But this last rumor really got me.
The rumor going round (at the only boys school which my boyfriend attends – I think boys are more gossipy than girls!) was that I only go out with my boyfriend because I wanted a boyfriend, not because I […]
When I think About You
When I think about you
I wonder if you feel whispers biting at your ear
Attempting to notify your heart
Do you hear
That you are the pinnacle of a little boy’s thoughts?
I fear
Every time my memory drops an ice cube down my back
Kissing each vertebrae cold
That you are thinking about me in a shade too close to black
Because in my thoughts exhausted by you
I only concoct colors of yellow and blue
I wonder if your mind paints pictures of me
The same ones I draw of our fingers wrapping warmly
Do you […]
I don’t want to die, but…
There are times, last night for example, when it’s all I can do to hang on to whatever I can to keep from doing something I can never take back. Those nights where the blackness has swirled up around me to grasp at my throat and just choke the life out of me.
It’s a difficult thing to explain, but I’ll do my best. Here’s how I’ve described it to my therapists.
It’s like there are two people inside of me. There’s me, and then there’s the dark me. We’ll call the ‘me’ that’s okay #1 and the dark me #2. #1 […]
I’ve been reading things that I wrote about two and half years ago when I found :
Deep inside a darkness resides, a black hole of nothingness.
An emptiness that sucks the life force out of you.
A void that whispers: “You are tired of living, give up!â€.
The pit of endless sorrow threatens you at every fall.
And now, when I stare into the abyss within…
It stares back at me with its cruel vicious eyes.
It’s funny to see how nothing has changed during this time…
Drowning in myself
Always asking why
Never feeling settled
Just wanting some peace
The whispers that show
I’m better off dead
Nobody would care
Everybody would be happy
Just needing some queit
Knowing it will never happen
Always screaming, pleading, and begging
Someone notice, someone say something
Cause I never can.
Tick tock
Says the clock
It seals your doom
While you lay in your room
Will you die
With a blade at your side
You watched the blood run down
Your wrist sliced, but you don’t frown
Realse is what you feel
Paradise at your heel
Earth was hell
But now you hear the bell
The ringing, singing
In the high heavens
You have escapes the heathens
yes you know
the ones who put on a show
they caused you pain
And while your eyes rain
There was no one
Not one soul out of a ton
You killed yourself happy
Free because earth is […]
Dear Whoever Is Reading This,
Hi, i’m Maya. I’m 13 years old now, & turning 14 in a couple months. I’m very short for my age (4’11), I have long black hair, I’m Japanese, I’m a dancer, & I believe that God made me beautiful. Seems great, right?
Lets start from the beginning of my life. From when i was first born to about age 8, i was the happiest kid you could ever meet. I was an angel child, too. I never cried when my family was trying to sleep, I was nice to everyone & everyone was the same toward me, teachers loved me, I […]
My tears are gone,
I have spent so much time filling the ocean,
So that the seven seas,
Become eight.
Who can answer me better than me,
I don’t know how to shout,
So instead I love myself,
Because who else would do it?
I have this infatuation,
And it whispers salvation,
Because I can’t save myself unless I am saving others,
So when my job is done,
Saving becomes a distant plan,
My brain has had time to breathe,
But how did I know that it would be snuffed in the fumes of carbon monoxide and failure,
I am high on disappointment,
Have you ever felt like Peter Pan?
I once flew to Netherland,
And it was there where I learned the […]
Two daggers pierced through my heart and tore up my soul;Â
My heart bleeds;Â
My body lay still;Â
Numbness consumes me,
Yet I continue to breathe mindlessly.Â
It is a battle between life and death.Â
I ask myself Why?
I faint voice inside of me whispers to me that it is the ray of hope that lays dormant deep within my soul.Â
I was beautiful.
I was light.
I was in full control.
I could resist everything.
I loved their whispers, their stares.
I was faster than everyone.
I was not injured.
I was not broken.
I was not torn, or shattered.
I did not limp.
I could do what needed to be done.
I was smart.
I was confident.
I could ignore that voice.
I still loved him.
I did not love him.
I had cheekbones, collarbones, shoulder blades, ribs, wrist bones, knees.
I had everything.
Now I can’t even control my brain.
I’m not fast.
I’m not light.
I’m not who I should be.
Everything […]
There is someone new in my mirror, and I should say, this new someone is quite repulsive. I try to seperate myself from this creature, but he just smiles at my attempts and whispers, “the creature lives.”   ………………………………………………………. how odd
Newer Posts