Ever since I can remember I have never been happy, I have always plastered on a smile to easy other peoples minds, to make it seem like I’m not bothered by my small wasted life. I’m drained, for years I have been fighting off suicidal thoughts but now it’s getting to hard, I don’t want to die, it will fuck up my family and friends but at the same time I can’t hold on for much longer, nothing I do helps, I go to every doctor to get anti depressants I’m scared of doing it, I’m scared of not doing it and living I’m scared […]
ive singlehandedly fucked up my whole life. i was in love with my best friend. we’ve been best friends for years and ive loved him the whole time and then i fucked the whole thing up. because he was being distant and i freaked and stopped talking to him for weeks and then the first time he even texted me all he wanted to say was that he “liked” someone. this gorgeous fucking perfect girl that everyone is in love with and that he will never get. and now everything is messed up and i ruined our friendship and we are both going to the […]
Over a year ago I lost my sister to suicide and I still don’t get why she did it. She did not leave a note and I don’t remember there being any sign of her wanting to kill herself. It was not the first time she had attempted to kill herself, in fact it was the 3rd time. The kicker of it all though is that each time she attempted I was the one who found her.
They always say that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle but I don’t want to handle this, I’d rather have her here […]
Death looks pretty attractive right now. The other night I went up into my attic looking for some guns my parents have been hiding. I fell through the attic and busted up my leg pretty good. Needless to say I feel even worse now. The last two days at work I haven’t been able to stop myself from crying. My supervisor gave me an extremely simple straight-forward assignment and I can’t do it. I can’t focus or concentrate on it. I’m stupid and worthless and lazy. I don’t deserve a good career. I don’t even deserve a bad career. I deserve no career. I fuck […]
I think it’s time for me to go. I’m still fucked up, if not more fucked up than when I first came here. Trevor loves Kendall, and I think it’s time for me to realize it. Yeah, he flirts with me, but he flirts with pretty much every girl; he’s a flirty person. He doesn’t like me. My grandma isn’t going to get better. Lacey and Papa aren’t going to come back. My parents love my little sister more than they love me. I can’t make them happy. I take all Pre-AP courses offered, I quit cutting, I’ve never had detention, I’ve kept all A’s, […]
ok so im noticing a fucking pattern.
every time a suicide attempt fails within a few days something good comes out of it.
with that ive been majorly depressed and tried commiting suicide the other night well no duh i failed.
go back to a year ago, i had a crush on my friend who had a girlfriend so i respected that and tried not to make this a big fucking deal…to late for that. my friend is really suicidal and last yr i always had my suicide notes/poems with me taped to my binder for school well he saw it and read it once he […]
I loved you, I loved you so so much, but I could just never tell you, I wanted to keep you as my friend and I tried, I tried so hard to keep my friend. I always try so hard with you and I just can’t do it anymore, you don’t understand how much it’s hurting me that you don’t even acknowledge the effort I make, it might not seem like much but it’s hard for me to just let go, but i’m trying but I just don’t even see why anymore babe. I’m sick of of you throwing me aside for what you consider […]
I feel so angry and frustrated right now, it’s ten at night and it’s another day gone down the drain I did NOTHING, I’m just so upset because neither way I’m happy I remember during the summer and early fall I was doing loads of stuff to try and overcome my depression on my own I created my own schedule I Â would exercise,draw, piano,etc but nothing helped I was bored the whole time and I wasn’t having any fun, it’s like either way I can’t be happy so there’s no point it’s like a double edged sword.
If everytime I message her, I feel high, then what does it mean? What if it brings me out of numbness. What if after our talks, I end up feeling like shit. We come back to my old rants about love. I thought Nycolle was my drug, yet I just felt worse and worse the whole time.
Lucky for me there are people here who most highly likely feel the same about this kind of situation. But, the problem is my lack of long term solutions for this problem. What can I do? After breaking off what little we had? People from here tell me not […]
It’s funny how sometimes the most random thing could make you happy.we were conducting a field exercise when during the middle of our break the sun started to show up. my buddies started singing “here come the sun” by the beatles and it was one of the most calming and serene moment i’ve ever experienced, especially since for the last two days it was raining the whole time. we all basked in the warmth and knew that everything was going to be all right.
Hi there.. I am 11. I know im young . Way to young to be in love and doing everything im about to tell you. But here it goes. And read it all please..
Ok. My sister is getting married. My sisters fiance has a son. His name is Shannan. He is 15. The first time I met him he was really shy, hardly talked to me, and was addicted to xbox. But the boy looked cute. Ok.. Well My sister, Her Fiance, and Shannan all came to live with me and my mom at my house. It was the middle of August and we Shannan […]
So I’ve started with medication since thursday. I take Rubió (better known as Ritalin or methylphenidate/MPH/MPD) 5mg twice a day (at 8.30 am and at 12.30 pm) always after my meal. But since thursday I feel really sick. My stomach hurts (not my belly, but my tummy) and my intestine also, it feels like it’s kind of restless. I also feel the whole time like I have to vomit. I only eat my breakfast and lunch and dinner, and take my medication after my meals. I have a very bad headache and I’m scared that I can pass out every minute. Does anybody here have […]
How do you really tell someone you’re in pain without it bothering them? Without making them feel useless for not being to help you? Normal activities will only take you so far. Should I return to pointlessly opening my flesh? How many OD’s til I get it right? When will this spit stay in my mouth? When will my body stop aborting itself? I don’t want to kick and thrash anymore. I don’t want to freeze in one state for minutes on end. I want my old life back. When I was a humorous person to be around, when I would laugh at myself even. […]
I got in a fight last night with my parents again. I’m a brat.. im a ***** the worst daughter in the world. I had a migrane cause my dad keeps FAILING to give me my meds on schedule and since theirs 22 of them starting and stopping them has major side affects. I fell asleep on the couch. After waking up at 11pm i stood up to fix the pillows. And my my mom snapped saying i needed to clean them and what not.
I told her i just got up to do that and that i […]
I read the Hunger Games three times through. I enjoyed them very much. I don’t know why. On the surface, it’s only a story of death and slaughter and twisted human nature. Deeper in, it’s a story of fighting for what you believe and hope, maybe. But the death, and slaughter, and not caring that my perception barely scratched the surface. In those books, so many people died, a bunch of them coughing on their own bodily fluids.
My aunt and I went out to the movies to see it. It was the last movie she saw. A few nights later, she choked on her blood. It made […]
Between all the shitty luck of my life, I’m pretty sure happiness only finds me to remind me how much it hurts to have it ripped away.
I’m so stupid, so naive.
I fell in love with a guy, shocker, I know – someone wants to die because of relationship problems? Well anyway, I fell for this guy immediately… he fell for me too, his life was in shambles – custody battle with the ex, being sued by multiple people for a traffic accident – on the verge of losing his house.
But when we were together, everything seemed like it was going to be okay. We […]
“Son come over here
Daddy’s here you hear?”
“Daddy dont come near”
“Son there’s nothin to fear”
“Daddy, just not in my rear”
“Please son, don’t be queer
Imma let your mother steer
If it’s okay with you dear,
Imma crush this boy with the sheer
Fucking size of my spear”
Now it’s all crystal clear
So they locked him away
Ain’t seen him to this day
They ask but I refuse to say
A goddamn word to that fucking gay
There’s no fucking way
That even for a moment I’d stay
Anywhere near him, okay!?
He deserves to rot in the penitentiary
For the next half […]
Its been a bit over a month since I made my first (and only) post here. Since then, I rebounded, was on a high, doing alright actually.
Today Ive rebounded back down. Funny how suddenly it hits. And I can tell you when it hit. Some jerk at work with no courtesy ringing and carrying on that I send him a weekly report, which he doesnt want (I guess delete and ignore like everyone else does isnt in his brain). Just being put back in my place is all it takes. Now here I am wishing it was all over again.
Of course its much more complex […]
I am extremely unhappy. Whereas a few days ago I had a little bit of hope and miniscule amounts of positive energy, these last 48 hours I have been depleted. My heart has slowed and my body has sunken in.
I am terrified. Today in class I could hardly breathe. I tried to duck out before it started but I ran into the professor. I could barely speak and I was trying not to get sick the whole time. Electric stomach, glass eyes. I had to wait in the building before leaving to go back to my room because I couldn’t handle the idea of people […]
Not many people know what it’s like to lose their hair.
As you age, you lose hair. When you get a haircut, you lose hair. I’m talking about a different kind.
It depresses me every time I move my head, wake up, shower… there are clumps of hair… everywhere. Falling out. My hair is dying to help keep me living. My hair could be dying, while I too, began to die.
If you put it into actuality, I’ve been dying for almost 3 years now, only now has it began to really come through.
I am dying, and I have accepted my fate. I have not accepted the fate […]
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