Taken from Robert Crumb’s Plunge Into The Depths Of Despair (1983)
And if anyone wants these comic strips in a PDF form:
We are all doomed to die sooner rather than later, why not just end it now? Seems to save the hassle of spending every day feeling nothing but loathing yourself. Saves the daily heartbreak of knowing no one could ever love you. With the pull of a trigger or a step off a building it could all end. Yet for some reason I can’t bring myself to do it. I’m that much of a coward. And its not the pain that scares me, its surviving. What could be worse than surviving such a traumatic event? The possibility of actually being able to see your family and friends’ reaction to what you did, the possibility of becoming paralyzed or brain dead but kept alive because people can’t simply let you go. These are fates worse than death in my opinion. And its all that’s preventing me from ending it all. I’m nothing but a debt slave, that can be said about anyone who goes to college nowadays though. But because I don’t really want to continue with living I’ve sunk myself deeper into the hell that is debt. I hate it knowing that no matter what I do I can never be free because someone will always be after me to bleed me dry. I hate the way the world is now, everything just seems so corrupt and fucked up. Not just the government, the police, the judicial system, but people in general. All I can see is the greed, the arrogance, the dark secrets that lie behind that fake smile, Jesus that fake smile is the worst fucking thing. Everything is just so fake. Why do we need to smile. Smiling does not actually mean we’re happy, yet if you’re not smiling something’s wrong, you’re the one who’s unfriendly or unwelcoming. Not like it matters anyway, I smile I try to be social but it does nothing. No one really wants to associate with me unless they have to, no one could ever feel romantic towards me, everyone is so wrapped up in their fake bullshit and then they get PISSED at others pulling that shit on them. Then they come to me to vent about it and I just want to tell them the truth about their hypocrisy but I won’t. I’m just always angry and depressed. I hate everything and try to make things better because I hate how it is now. But it doesn’t matter. Nothing really changes.
I’m tired. I’m just tired.
I’m tired of food. I’m tired of television. I’m tired of work. I’m tired of school. I’m tired of going outside. . I’m tired.
Anytime someone asks how I am, my answer isn’t “I’m fine”
The answer is “I’m tired”
I’ve lost any shred of hope that I might of had. And I don’t see the point.
And the funny thing? I’m tired…but I can’t sleep.
I guess I’m not physically tired. I’m mentally and emotionally tired.
I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
I don’t feel like going anywhere. I don’t feel like talking.
I seriously don’t remember the last time I had a normal conversation with someone.
What is normal?
I don’t even know.
I don’t feel like I have any friends. Well..not any real ones.
My best friend is my dog. I love her.
The closest thing I have to human friends? There’s 3 people that I still talk to
from high school. But they’re fake.
They play nice but then talk crap about me behind my back.
They’re always hanging out without me and make plans without me.
That doesn’t sound like a real friend.
So yeah. I have no friends.
My family you ask?
My family hates me.
And they let me know it everyday.
“Hate” is a strong emotion to feel.
Feeling a strong emotion can wear you down.
Do you know who I hate?
Maybe that’s why I’m so tired.
Why should I live? Nothing matters. Sure, I have “friends” but they don’t care. I have music, but it can’t listen to me. I have him, but he doesn’t listen to my suicidal thoughts. Everybody judges me. I’m alone in a sea of preppy girls and jocks. My one escape is self-harm, but it’s not enough. Cutting just isn’t enough any more. I’m going to die. I know I am. I’m going to be the one to do it. I’m not gonna sit around waiting for “The Grimm Reaper” I’ll become the Reaper and kill myself.
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