Hey, guys! I realized why people reject me. Because I’m a fucking midget. I’m just 5’6, shorter than average white girls. Now I understand my miserable life. Girls don’t want me because I’m too short, these bitches prefer tall and strong guys. How can I make friends with this height? People would laugh at my face. Girls would laugh if I ask them to hang out with me. You see, my life sucks. Elliot Rodger was right, he was short too, and white girls rejected him all time. I’m suffering the same cruelty from women. What can I do? Slit my throat and end my fucking life seem to me the only solution.
The Wendy Williams show is on. I can’t find the damn remote, I can’t change the channel on the frickin cable box without the damn remote. And I swear on all that is Holy that if I hear these women yell whoop-whoop one more time I just might end it. ( it gonna take a talk show to drive me over the edge ? ) screw it. I’ll be in the garage if anybody needs me.
I’ve dabbled at looking at posts on this site before. I have to say there is a lot of strength and a lot of pain by those that post. I don’t particularily know why I’m posting this, I guess I just need to tell someone with an outside opinion.
I’m a Marine veteran who has done two deployments to Afghanistan. I’ve seen some things and done things that will haunt me until I die and the people I try to reach out to never fully understand it. I’ve been out of active duty for over a year now and all I feel is regret. Regret for the people I could have saved, the lives I watched end and regret for the men and women still over there while I sit in a dead end job trying to make ends meet.
I should be happy that I made it home. I should be happy that all the marines directly under my care did as well, but I can’t. I proposed to my girfriend in January and she seems so happy planning the wedding but I feel more and more distracted and detatched. I don’t know anyone but her in this state really. The only contact I keep with my family is a weekly half-hour phone call. The men I knew in the marines are all busy with their enlistments or getting their lives on track so I never seem to talk to them either.
I can’t tell you how often I think of suicide. I wonder if I’ll even make it through the day sometimes. Who would notice or blink an eye at another veteran statistic anyway? There have been days when I’ve had a revolver in my mouth and only took it out because I needed to be at work. I hate sleep, I hate eating and feeling so god damn fat, I hate that I can’t tell my fiance any of this.
I don’t know what pushes me along, I guess it’s stubbornness or fear, but I’m still here, and I’m trying to stay here.
I’ve been called beautiful by many people, yeah sure that’s good, um no it’s not. 90% of the people that have called me beautiful would just say that to get something out of me. They wanted to use me for nudes and shit, I thought that they really meant it, but the next thing they want is nudes. Women are not sex toys, and neither are men. People need to stop using other people, for something that they want. If someone wants something then just say it don’t make up so many lies to cover up for something that’s wrong. Don’t give someone compliments that you probably don’t even mean for nudes, if you want nudes you can search it up on the internet. Part of my depression is because of this. Don’t make me feel good about myself, for you to then ask if i can send a nude, and when I say no, you would stop talking to me and ignore me.
What do you do when you live in a world that requires you to have green paper with dead presidents stamped on it in order to survive?
What do you do when everyone around you has been brainwashed and conditioned to think the way society considers “normal?”
What do you do when you are the only one that notices that slavery never went away? For it has only been transformed.
What do you do when you can see exactly what people are thinking when they look at you, and have faces of disapproval when you do not meet their expectations?
What do you do when every one you’ve ever loved has turned on you in the coldest ways possible?
What do you do when you have a scar on your face that reminds you of the pain every single day?
What do you do when you have scars on your wrist that will never go away?
What do you do when no one has the ability to listen to your voice before trying to hear their own?
What do you do when you try to express your feelings but all the other person can do is think about their own?
What do you do when you’re a fatherless child in a world full of men who degrade women?
What do you do when you think about suicide, but the love of your mother is what holds you back?
What do you do?
This aint poetry. These are real questions. I need help.
I try to find answers everywhere.
And now, here I am.
“somewhere something horrible happens to someone on this earth and I am here.”
I started to think what makes me really sad, to know that people are forced to do things they don’t want, like children getting beat up because they blasphemed, men who are send to die against their will, women forced into submission by their own kin. And the list goes on and on, and I feel how this feels,I saw this things, and just thinking about this makes me so strange, kinda a mix between rage, fear, panic, a horrible feeling. And I don’t know how to cope with it, am I too emphatic, am I wrong to carry this burden at my early age ?
Could need someone to talk to
There is nothing wrong with my life. Everything is perfect. But I am feeling so down, so sick, so bad.
I am so scare of failing my suicide attempt. I can’t move. I wont try it, I know it, and I hate it.
I am scared of men, I am scared of women too, I hate living. And yet, everything is going as each and every little thing should go. People are nice and everything is ok. Except my head.
I wish I was different in a deep unconscious way. But there is this part of me that’s rotten and that I can’t heal. I don’t know why. I killed it with my ignorance, and my stupidity, and now I can put some cords on it and make it move like a puppet, but I know it is dead.
Stupid me, stupid ireflexive, lazy, ignorant me. I wish someone could help me, I am crying, calling for help, but there is me, always screwing things up, avoiding every effort to succed. still deaf, still blind.
I could change how I am, but there is me, making it imposible.
Distractify DOT com –
As of 2014, the life expectancy in America is 78.6 years. Divide that up, and this is how the average person spends their lifetime.
1 . You spend 25 years sleeping.
2 . You work for 10.3 years.
The average American works 40 hours a week from ages 20-65.
3 . You spend 48 days having sex.
A recent survey found that during the average sex session, foreplay lasts 7 minutes and intercourse 12 minutes.
4 . Women spend 17 years of their lives trying to lose weight.
This means being on one form of diet or another.
5 . You watch TV for 9.1 years.
Watching TV accounts for half of all leisure time, about 2.8 hours per day.
6 . You spend 2 years watching commercials.
7 . You spend 1.1 years cleaning.
Women have historically spent twice as much time as men, though the statistic is shifting.
8 . You spend 2.5 years cooking.
9 . You spend 3.66 years eating, about 67 minutes a day.
The total amount of food you consume in a lifetime is close to 35 tons.
10 . You drive a car for 4.3 years.
In that time, you’ll cover enough distance to go to the moon and back 3 times.
11 . You spend 3 months of your life in traffic, about 38 hours a year.
12 . You spend 1.5 years in the bathroom.
The average person goes 6 times a day.
13 . You spend a total of 92 days on the toilet.
Men spend 4 more minutes on the toilet than women daily.
14 . You spend 70% of our waking life in front of digital media.
15 . You laugh out loud 290,000 times in your life.
About 10 times per day.
16 . You walk a total of 110,000 miles.
That’s equivalent to 4 times around the world.
17 . You spend 90% of your time indoors.
That’s 71 of your 78.6 years.
18 . You consume .1 teaspoons of alcohol per day.
That’s 1,442 gallons in a lifetime.
19 . You have between 4 and 6 dreams a night for a total of 2,000 a year.
We forget 80% of them.
20 . You fart 402,000 times in your lifetime.
That’s about 14 times per day.
21 . You spend 14 days of your life kissing.
Most people wish it were more.
22 . You drink 12,000 cups of coffee.
That’s about 1.6 cups per day.
23 . If you’re more into tea, you drink 48 pounds in your lifetime.
That’s .75 pounds a year.
24 . Women spend nearly 1 year deciding what to wear.
25 . The average man will spend 1 year staring at women.
26 . Women spend 8 years of their life shopping.
That’s over 1 hour every single day.
27 . Women spend 1.5 years doing their hair.
That’s 14,000 hours brushing, washing, blow-drying, straightening, curling and cutting.
28 . An office worker spends 5 years sitting at a desk.
29 . The average employee spends 2 years sitting in work meetings.
30 . The average person swears 2,000,000 times.
That’s 80-90 times a day.
Hey man, I’ve been seeing other women and do you have an email. Or chat on here? I’m doing what i think im supposed to. But seeking more advice on the matter. I like what you and some others say. And think
just enjoying the fasch of the first cigarette of the day. I don’t do it last night, finally the valium once. Got a date for netflix and chill tonight. Idk if i want it, it’s not the women i love.
It seems many of us, men, here at SP struggle or have struggled with problems related to the opposite sex, messed up relationships, stalkig exes, or like me years of constant rejection, being friendzoned, women mistaking kindness for weakness and taking advantage of it and walking over us.
And you know what?
I’m 27 and i dont know why or how but about 3/4 years ago a sudden changed occurred …. i just stoped bothering with it at all, suddenly i dont care if women notice me or not, i walk by a gorgeous woman on the street with the same indiferrence that i walk by a light pole, i stoped persuing women, when i was still going to bars and partyes lately i did it with the sole purpose of haning out with my friends(when before it used to be also about trying to meet and flirt with women).
In social settings i used to be very worried with how i was percived by women and i was always trying to better my social skills with them, now……i don’t give a shit…
I think i’ve become what the internet calls MGTOW or a Herbivore Man
I do not know if it is a good or a bad thing……what i do know is taking that pressure, sorrow, anxiety and frustration over constant failure off my shoulders has somewhat made my life a little bit more bearable.
If that didn’t happened i have no doubts i would have already offed myself.
So my point with all this BS is, sometimes stop giving a shit about certain things helps making it better.
This is dated and i have a few more things against me on top of the original writers criteria. 1 im fat. 2 i have horrible social anxiety 3 people are expected to be more promiscuous ive been told repeatedly by women “anyone can find someone” no ***** you are a beautiful young woman i am an ugly unconfident old male. 4 i dont want someone with kids and 5 i have a sort of social ptsd from years of rejections. It does something to your confidence when you see this face of repulsion on women. It makes me feel so disgusting. It made me feel shit to here literally dozens of girls complain about the same 2 or 3 guys they fucked and all be repulsed by me. It sucked in college to ask out tons of girls and get more nos and be friend zoned or outright rejected. Now its forever later im fat and balding. I wish I had confidence or lacked attraction to human beings. Sorry to complain after attempting to write an inspiring post. I saw a thing where a guy got over his fear of rejection by trying to be rejected once a day im hoping i work up the nerve to try it.
I don’t understand love.
I just… I just don’t.
I have never fallen in love with anyone. I have never been in a relationship with anyone.
I can’t interact and connect with anyone on that level. I’ve tried reciprocating if someone shows an interest in me. But I can’t. I just end up hurting the other person because I can never meet them halfway. I just feel nothing.
The only love I have is for my family. That’s the only love I know and can show. I think it’s because they are just the only people I can interact with, as minimal as I do that as well. They do not know me. No one does. No one can ever understand me.
I don’t see myself close to anyone, being in a relationship with anyone for that matter. I just don’t. I can’t connect with people. I feel some sort of attraction for both men and women, which has led me to identify as bisexual. I also question that as well. It boils down to not being real when I can’t make meaningful connection with either men or women.
It’s hard for me to even describe this, cause I don’t understand it myself. What you see is what you get with me. I can’t let anyone dig in deep and see deep inside of me, because there’s nothing there. There’s just hollow darkness and emptiness. A void that can never be filled with anything.
I’ve tried to accept this fact about me. I will never make any deep connections with anyone. I will spend the rest of my short life on earth alone. But then, I see people around me find love, get married and have children and families. It bothers me.
Why can’t I feel anything? Why can’t I let anyone in? Why can’t I fall in love?
I hate that I am overweight and that especially lately I comfort eat a hell of a lot. I hate my appearance -the fact I have naturally curly hair is a curse, I wish I had a cuter nose and a generally more feminine looking face, my appearance is top of my list of reasons of why I want to die, I hate the way women are treated in society in general-mainly valued for appearance and that fake beauty is valued more than natural beauty seems a lot of people find a woman’s un made up face unacceptable, I hate how weak I am both mentally and physically, my lack of common sense and the fact I can barely think consciously anymore -basically have to rely on urges to even function and I also hate my lack of motivation. I hate this society in general and the majority of humans…
Is this really what my life has come to I am finally with the women of my dreams I love her from the bottom of my heart she is a single mother of one that struggles from schizophrenia I work 2 jobs 70+ hours to provide for them because they are my everything I have been with her for a little over a year and everything is falling apart she has had legal trouble in the past and its starting to catch up with her she recently got caught driving without a lisence for the 4th time and the public defender says she will spend some time in jail I don’t know how to handle all of this I have suffered depression for years and when I met her the love of my life I felt there was someone who could finally share my pain my happiness all my life has to offer Monday she goes to court and I find out how long they put her away for ( they said because of her other past crimes that I know she was fraimed for I know how that sounds everyone says that ) they said with her past record and kuz they found weed that’s she uses to calm down the voices in her head she will probably face at least a year in jail idk what to do or how to cope with this how to help her 4 year old daughter understand where her mommy went when we already had to talk to her about where her dad went and he isn’t coming back I am fighting the urge to just end it if seems so much easier then what is to come we are trying to enjoy every last.minute we have left but I just.don’t know how to handle all of this I feel like my brain is going to explode if you are reading this I thank you just to know someone ells is looking at this somehow makes.me feel aa little better
This is the third time I post here, and it’s about the same thing. I’m 24, I’ve never had a girlfriend or kissed a girl or done anything with a girl, and I don’t see this changing anytime during lifetime. And no, I haven’t chosen to be this way. It’s not because I haven’t met the “right” girl or because I have high standards. It’s only simply that I’ve never had luck with women. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard of love-shyness or incel, but that’s where I come from.
I’m basically doomed. I’ll either have to live this way and cope in some way (most likely by seeing escorts), or I’ll have to end my life. And to be honest I don’t want to live this way. My youth is already wasted… so what’s the point of having someone in my life at this point? Even if it does happen (which doesn’t seem like it), I won’t be able to enjoy it anymore, and I believe I’ll still feel miserable and lament my wasted youth.
There’s really no point to life when you’re forever alone, getting no relationships and no sex whatsoever. Really what’s the point of life if you can’t experience romance and sex? I prefer to be dead… I’m in no way able to cope, when literally everyone else is getting relationships and sex effortlessly but me.
I’ve been seeing a new psychologist since January and last visit she questioned why I was still seeing Psychologists if I believed my life will never get any better. I repeated what I had told her previously, that I simply want help to give up. I seem to continually hope for something to change but I need to accept that nothing can ever change. She has kept trying to inspire me to start doing things in an attempt to make my depression better with the idea that my depression will improve if I simply eat better, exercise and get more sleep. She will not accept that I have tried all that and I have tried more than 50 types of anti-depressant, anti-anxiety and anti-psychotic drugs. I don’t believe that I simply have a chemical imbalance; I know what causes my depression, anxiety and social phobia.
It is difficult to be happy, confident and positive when you know the entire world thinks you are just a joke because you are almost 50 and still a virgin with a micro penis. It sucks that my psychological problems were not simply some events in my past that I can put behind me and try to get on with my life and have some type of normal, acceptable life. The only things in my life that I get any pleasure from are food and masturbation. No…not at the same time…well I don’t think I have ever……I don’t recall. The food is causing obesity and health problems and my Doctor is always telling me to lose weight.
My masturbation is becoming a serious problem because now that I have started treating my hypogonadism with testosterone supplements, my libido is troubling. I used to masturbate only once every couple of weeks and as I have a humiliation/repulsion perversion, I was needing to be humiliated only once every few weeks. Being humiliated is easily achieved as I only have to go online and enter Camfrog or any other masturbation chat rooms and as soon as any person sees me they are so shocked they tell everyone in the chat room and I am instantly being humiliated and degraded by numerous men and women. It is only when women humiliate me that I become aroused but after I masturbate and the arousal from the humiliation has passed, I am left feeling like a worthless piece of crap.
Obviously I am just a worthless piece of crap as everyone who sees my micropenis will tell me exactly what they think. 30 years of being humiliated by prostitutes with every attempt at having intercourse has turned from something I hated and thought I was ignoring into a perversion. Every sexual encounter I have had in my life included some form of humiliation or with women being repulsed at the sight of me.
Now that I am treating my low testosterone levels in an attempt to improve my depression and increase my energy and motivation levels, my increased libido has me masturbating 3 times a day and obviously I need humiliation every time. It is this increased amount of humiliation that is causing me to become more depressed.
My Psych seems to think I can just stop the need for humiliation but I cannot. She tells me to watch porn but I get nothing from watching porn. I do still seem to be attracted to women but where a normal guy would fantasize about having sex with an attractive woman, I fantasize about the woman laughing at my inadequate size and humiliating me. To me, that is sex. I have never been able to successfully have intercourse and the only way I have ever reached orgasm with any woman is after they have given up trying to jack me off and they have told me to do it myself while they sat there laughing at me, telling me how pathetic I am and how they have seen newborn babies with bigger penises. This is the only sex I have ever known. I cannot change that but my Psych wants me to stop all my sexual urges and to stop being humiliated. I have never in my life asked to be humiliated. It is simply what comes natural to both men and women when they see a freak with a micropenis.
My Psych wants me to become more social and try to make new friends and to try and have my first date. I don’t see the point. I have no interest in dating, I have had a lifetime of experiences which made it clear what women feel about a micropenis. I am a worthless piece of crap who should kill himself because no woman would ever willingly touch you without being paid. I have heard those words so many times. I accept that I will never love or be loved so I have no interest in dating. I don’t want to be tolerated.
All women want to be attractive to their p@rtner and want their p@rtner to find them sexually attractive and desirable but as a man I am expected to just grab onto any woman whom can tolerate me, whether I like her or not. I am so disgusting that I should be happy to have any woman be able to tolerate my short-comings. I don’t want to live a life of being tolerated and simply accepted.
As for making friends, again I don’t see any advantage for me. I think I would become more depressed. I phoned an old friend a few days ago and one of the first things he asked me was if I had found myself a woman yet. When any person finds out you are almost 50 and your single they instantly want to match make. They know a good woman who they want to set me up with. When I protest and say I don’t want to meet anyone, I am instantly hit with all the questions. Why? Why don’t you want a girlfriend? Why have you never had a girlfriend? What is wrong with you? Don’t you like women?
Why can’t Psychologists just accept that what they think they would want in their life if they were me is not what I want? They have not lived through my life experiences and obviously their brain functions differently to mine. I don’t know why I am writing this. Nothing can change. I don’t want any advice. I usually have a few guys who respond saying they can relate because they too are small in size but I usually have either no women comment or the few that do comment seem to think I am attacking women just by telling my story and they jump to the defense of all women by telling me it is my bad attitude, lack of confidence and nasty personality that likely caused all those women to humiliate me because women would never degrade a man over his penis size. It was just that I am such a bad person that they simply used penis size to try to hurt me. I don’t know how a prostitute who has never spoken 2 words to me or I to her, seems to evaluate my personality and then decides that I am an asshole whom needs putting in his place by being degraded and humiliated about his penis size. I’m not attacking women; I accept that it is normal human behavior carried forward from our evolution and was a survival reaction. Someone who was seen as different was ostracized and banished from the group or society because a small penis was seen as a weakness and any weakness was a threat to the safety of the group. A weakness that was allowed to breed would create future weakness in the group.
All I ask from my Psych is help to give up, as I seem to be an optimist and simply go on living in the hope that things will improve. I know nothing can ever change. I only want help to accept that I will live this life exactly as it is and there is nothing that is ever going to change and I need to stop wishing for more from life. My Psych’s answer is that it would be negligent of her to help me accept that my life will not get any better and to help me to give up hope. Even though she admits that nothing can change.
I think I just needed a rant. I know nobody can help me and I’ll always just be a pathetic joke to all of society, from my PE teachers in school who laughed at me to every prostitute I have been with and every person who has seem me on webcam to the Doctors and nurses who all laughed at my genitals when I had to have a cystoscopy. All of society thinks I am a pathetic joke and the only people I have contact with, my parents think I am a failure as I have never provided them with grandchildren. Watching my mother cry while saying, “if only you could find a nice woman who would accept you, I think you would have made a great father”, saddens me and I wonder if she would be less sad if I was simply not here causing her sadness and regret.
I’ve come to the same conclusion as I did probably a good 15+ years ago. The guy I had loved so deeply is completely unobtainable. ALL MEN over 6ft tall and over 200 lbs are absolutely untouchable, unreachable and unobtainable. They all will only be with the skinniest, smallest, tiniest, anorexic looking women. He’s no exception. No one will ever love him like I could. To him, looks are what defines love. It’s love if he can get into her looks. I care, and hate to leave him on his own with what he faces in life, but he leaves me no choice. I’m too fat and ugly to ever have a man at all and I certainly can’t get a big & tall man because they are ALL shallow assholes who feel they have to prove themselves to the world and show that they’re not too fat to get an anorexic trophy wife. I’m going to kill myself someday, I just don’t know when. I can’t be happy without love. And I’m only attracted to the big men I can’t get. And I only fall for the one sign that will NEVER be with anyone of my sign. I can’t live very long with the pain onside and the mental torture of knowing I’m not good enough to be loved, that I failed in life, couldn’t get a man and never had it with a Scorpio when my bat shit crazy, anti-sex mom has been married to two of them. I’m obviously so worthless that my love and loyalty means nothing.
Several times throughout my daily routine I have thoughts of wanting to die. Life is nothing to me anymore.
Let me begin with a little bio. I’m a 57 yr. old male. I have several health issues, I have anger issues. Directed to any one certain person? Well maybe god, if there is such a thing.
I was brought up believing in god, going to church, living the godly lifestyle, accepting that the so called god is in control of everything and everybody. So who else do I blame for my crappy life, yes I’m using “nice” words. I curse god daily, telling him what a piece of sh*t he is, and not just once or twice a day, constantly.
My screwed up life, where to start? Health issues. December 2013, day after Xmas, open heart triple bypass surgery, and also found out I was a diabetic when I went into the hospital. High blood pressure, high cholesterol. I smoke cigarettes daily, yes even after the heart surgery, 2 packs a day smoker. I tried to quit, but I’m addicted, and nicotine is not my only addiction, sex, but that comes later. I can’t seem to get my diabetes under control. I was doing OK for the first year after my heart surgery. I was taking Victoza, a pen injection which kept my sugar level at a range of 130 to 160 constantly. So in May of 2014, I have to go back into the hospital for gall bladder surgery. So through the year of 2014, all my meds were free to me, in a sense, being my deductible and max out of pocket expenses were met for the year. I renewed my prescription to my meds in early December of 2014, so I’m set til March 2015. So when I go to renew in March I’m slapped in the face with a $1475 bill for just the Victoza, and yes that’s with insurance. So at this point I’m working with a diabetic specialist with other drugs. I have a lot of my sugar bottoming out which has a negative effect on me. It seems it does this mostly in the mornings and the way it affects me I have to leave my job for the day, which of course means I lose money.
OK, so let’s talk money. I only make just under $30,000 a year. With the cost of insurance and doctor bills along with living expenses alone, it takes a lot of what I earn. Yes, I’m still making minimal payments to hospitals and doctors with the deductible and out of pocket expenses that I couldn’t pay upfront.
Oh and then, how the hell could I forget? I owe back taxes to both the state and IRS somewhere in the neighborhood of $300,000 so my paychecks are garnished. The only thing that helps here is the fact that I’m living in my parent’s house. They both have passed and the house was left to me and 3 other siblings equally. Yes, there is still a mortgage, and I’m paying the minimum on that along with property taxes all by myself. Two of the siblings have threatened to kick me out, so really don’t know how long this living here can continue. So to go back to the taxes I owe, well they will never be paid in full.
Did I mention I’m not married? OK, well I’m not, but have been 5 times, and yes 5 times divorced. Oh I’d love to have someone in my life but who wants to be in a relationship with someone like me? And really, I can’t afford to go out places to meet anyone nor can I afford to take anyone out after I meet them. So even if I did meet someone by chance, do you really think they’re just going to come over to my house right off the bat?
And then of course there is the sex addiction. I crave it a lot, but at this point all it winds up being is masturbation, almost daily. I look at porn daily. I like either women or men, doesn’t matter, sex is sex. Yes I’ve been bisexual since I was 14. Again that’s something I tried to steer away from in earlier years but to no avail. I tried to suppress the feelings but they don’t stay down long before I get the urge to perform oral sex on a man. OK, this is only the half of it. I cross dress. I like doing it, it makes me feel sexy, even though I know I’m not. So I’ve taken it further, I wear a wig, heels and everything in between. I even shave my entire body trying to lure men into having sex with me.
So yes I think of how I could die several times throughout my day. Why don’t I? I have tried several times. Just like everything else in my life I’ve failed at this as well.
I remember when I was around 18, in my first marriage and things weren’t going well, I took an overdose of some bee allergy medicine. Wound up getting stomach pumped and slept for a couple of days.
Then not again til in my 40’s did I try suicide again. After the 4th wife left me and I was on the verge of losing everything I owned, and I did eventually lose it all I slept for 8 hours in the garage with the car running. A few weeks later I thought I didn’t do it right, wasn’t close enough to the exhaust pipe, so I got the air mattress out slept again in the floor under the exhaust pipe, and again I woke up.
Then another time I stole a pistol from a friend and was going to blow my brains out, let’s face it, I’m a coward! But this attempt did land in a mental hospital for a few days.
The last time I tried was about 5 years ago, I took an overdose of some type of prescribed pain medication. I stopped taking it just after I had it refilled, waited 30 days went back and refilled again, so I took about 50 pills all at once. It would have worked but I was found after I had passed out. So far along that I had pissed my pants while I was out of it. Again, another mental hospital for a few days. These things are really a joke. All they do is talk to you, pump you full of anti depressants and send you on your way.
Do I care to try and change things? No I really don’t. Maybe this is just another method of suicide. Being unhealthy, smoking, not eating right. Let nature take it’s course. At least this way, my one brother that cares somewhat will get my insurance money, verses taking my life where he would get none.
I’ve asked myself so many times ‘why am I alone’ when I see other men around me in relationships. Well, women know a loser when they see one, and will avoid at all costs, that’s why I remain on my own. I feel I must give off an invisible air of sadness and desperation that repels women as what woman wants a broken and useless man? Try as I might I can’t seem to change how I feel about myself, when anxiety becomes ingrained over time it seems impossible to change it, the dream is over for me, only a lonely future remains and I would rather be dead.