I hope you know I’m never asking you to see me again. I’m afraid to call you now because I’m being “annoying”. I’m not going to be making any effort anymore, that’s up to you. Things have been said, hurtful things – and with no explaination. I don’t have much trust for many people anymore but I thought you were one of the good ones. I hope you know that you make me fore more ashamed and embarrassed of myself than you think of me. I want you to know that you are the reason for my pain Rn. I want you to know that I think twice about every action and every word I say because of you. I know I’m not enough for you and clearly never was. I’ve tried my hardest and forgiven you for things other people wouldn’t. I’m sick of feeling these things because of what you say and what you think of me. I’ve done all I could do but it still wasn’t even so I am done trying, done everything. If you want to fix things then that’s all on you because I am no longer going to. the way you treat me and more importantly what you think of me. It’s hard enough dealing with my own negative thoughts about myself without you having other shit to say behind my back. I thought I was more important that the petty bullshit that comes out of your mouth. I’m over everything and I hope you see this and change but unfortunately I don’t think you will. I love you but now have come to terms that I’m nothing more than a friend who you use when it is convenient for you. I would almost feel betrayed but somehow I knew this was coming. You’ll forget about me, I know that. You treat me like shit knowing that I will always come back but not this time. Just know you’ve hurt me in more ways than one and this time it will either be different or I can’t live on like this. I hope you change, I hope you realise and I hope you treat me better. I care about you but don’t want your friendship if it continues like this. I am speaking to you right now as if nothing is wrong but it is. You don’t understand how insecure, disgusted, worthless and self conscious of myself and the way I look and the way I act you have caused m to feel. I simply cannot trust another word out of your mouth. I hope you know that you’ve truely hurt me deep this time. I was told things that really hurt and they especially hurt by you. Thanks for everything “best friend”.
I don’t know what to do or anything….I’m lonely, alone, worthless, not anything but a waste of space, time, effort…anything. I would give my life story but have so many times, would also be a book…i type too much. I annoy others I just gwt in the way. I have tourettes, as well as many mental issues some self diagnosed, others not,
I have many health problems like celiac disease, back issues, jaw messed up, etc.
I try to make friends, but everyone gets tired of the way I talk or I’m plain boring. I’m married and trying to get divorces…middle of it. He is extremely narsisistic which isn’t a bad thing as is, but he lacks…wanting to give me emotional support, so many bad things have happened.
I can hardly interact with others, i cry too much and is causes tics and people to think im bad or “crazy” i just want to be treated kindly…im sorry scolding makes me cry. I try to do good but make things worse….i dont want kids so he says he wants a mistress to make one or leave me…yet says im the one leaving though i have nowhere to go, nobody, nothing…says Im leaving cause the lack of pregnancy..,though i said from the start i never wanted one….always says how useless i am..
I am not able to get a job at all…never. i have never had a “normal” job…just my art.,,but i feel there is no point to that either.
Everyone hates me.and says what a bad person i am when I just try to be good,..i never want others to experiencemyp a in so why am I always,…
Im not worth living, I a anna disapear and try but im scared causw i want to live i just wanna be happy and feel like i deserve it and be with someone i love but o am not evsn worth friendship.
After graduating high school, I became a hermit for four years. During that period of isolation, I grew depressed and developed an intense fear of being seen by other people. The thought of killing myself came up frequently, but I was more comfortable in those days than any other time of my adult life. Now I have a job for the first time and live in a better house with my brother, but I still don’t feel much better. How people are able to connect with each other has always puzzled me. What is the point of living if you don’t even have people who value you? No one wants me. My family is used to me, but do they want me? I’m always second to someone. The minute I decide to put myself out there, suddenly the other person draws back and ignores me. This really isn’t coming out right, but all I want now is something to make me feel better. I’ve been wasting my money on things with the intention of gaining some relief. Alcohol did nothing but make me dizzy and I’m too ugly to drown my feelings in sex(I’m a woman by the way). I swear to god all I think about these days is getting fucked. I’m 22 years old yet I look like a sad, chubby, gender-less child. I hate myself. There was a time when I literally was afraid to look at myself in a mirror. A guy at work who I see everyday didn’t bother to learn my name until some other girl told him over the phone ( we wear name tags). I don’t have any ambition so it’s not like I can ignore the superficial in favor of pursuing some fucking goal. So I just eat. That’s all that makes me feel better these days. Fuck it. If I ever lose my virginity, it will probably be a brutal rape like that girl in the movie Ma Soeur. That’s all I’m worth…
i have no friends.
i haven’t attended school for two years.
my family are abusive.
my life is a mess, and i can’t clean it up.
i have nothing going for me,
and i am going nowhere.
i’ve ruined myself and my life.
why B? Why? What did I do to deserve you cheating on me? Especially the way you did. Why did you drive me to do that?! you honestly believe I’m happy how I retaliated? 15 years of my life came crashing down on me that cold Monday. You tore my soul out. I don’t know who I am anymore. Millions are praying today and I feel nothing. The devils I’m thinking how do I get the angel of death to take me.
This is isn’t right. None of it. I can’t get away from it. I try and try. Ultimately I get screwed. That’s what I’m good for right?!
why did you lie? Why didn’t you tell me what they told you? Are you that ashamed of me…. why didn’t you have my back?
I hope I die. I can’t feel everything I’m feeling. i hate you I hate you I hate you. Why make promises and on the sly turn away? You never loved me. I’m 39Kilos now. I’m slowly dying. Things will never be the same.
you DOG and I still care about after everything we did. I’m sorry for hurting you. Then sometimes I think NO I TOLD HIM DAY ONE WHAT I WILL DO IF HE CHEATS OR BETRAYS ME.
you used me. I never wanted your money. I wanted us to be safe and do it together
thats what hurts the most. You didn’t believe in us. That’s what it came down to.
Im too far gone. I have no soul. I feel this deadness inside me.
You don’t know me and you never did that’s the sad thing. I loved you. I believed you. In us.
who knows mr domino… the gates of hell opened up that day.
Why did you destroy me? Please take my life. Do it you coward. Don’t whisper it in my ear if you weren’t going to stick to your word.
Please just kill me. Please. I see and hear it all. Plays non stop. Please kill me please. I never would have hurt you. Why did you take the last bit of hope and faith I had in this world?
are you happy? You proved I am worthless. Please take me of this earth. Just promise me you’ll do anything to not end up soulless like me. You don’t believe me. When those gates opened they reached for you too. Don’t be too late to save your soul.
I just wanted us to be together in love and happy
God if you are out there help him. Just take me away pleaseee
I’m old now. I wasted my youth being too scared to go out and have fun. Instead i worked at a crappy department store using my money to help my family out of endless drama until I was thinking about killing myself every day. So I re enrolled in college with big plans to be a art teacher. Today I failed the $90 Praxis exam for the 4th time. I was not even close. I’ve missed the deadline to be screened into the education program again and will have to wait another year. This is the only thing I’ve ever tried to to for myself, just for me. But I failed again. I’m a loser. I live at home with my parents, I’m fat and ugly, and I don’t really have any friends. I hate myself. I want to die right now but I don’t want to go to hell or have my family have to pay back my student loans. I’m going to look into finding a way my family wont have to pay back my loans and if I can do it I think I’m going to let go. If God isn’t real and I just stopped existing I would be ok with that. Really I have been thinking about it for a long time and Not existing would be better than all this misery and pain. I don’t know I just wanted to tell someone without them calling the police on me or making me feel guilty. The only thing i am actually good at is working like a dog and spending all my money on my family. I’m a mistake.
Chronic PainCoping SkillsFamily & Friends EffectsFun & InterestingGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NoteRantsStories of LossSuicidal Survivors
I feel tired. And it’s no loner a lethargic exhaustion. It is no longer a physical over exhertion due to the lack of calories. I just am tired of everything. I am tired of being the wierdo in my family, friends, at work, and everywhere I go. I am tired of trying to make everyone laugh and happy, and then being called annoying and a fag. I am tired of doing things for people that have and will never be retured. I am tired of people hating me, for being slower than them. I am tired of not being able to unlock my full potential due to my shortcommings as a human being. I am tired of people telling me that maybe I am the problem, specifically the ones who know that I said that, I tried changing, and I then attempted to commit suicide because what they told me was something I know for a fact. I am tired of people lying to me to make me feel better. A) It doesn’t even work anymore, B) Is there really nothing good about me? I am tired of staying quiet to not offend people who wouldn’t do the same. As a matter of fact, they do the opposite constantly. On that same note, I am SICK AND FUCKING TIRED of turning the other cheek. I am sick and tired of not being able to do evil onto others because of the way I was raised. I’m sick and tired of being suck a pitiful subpar human being, that I have to take pills, JUST TO ATTEMPT TO TRY TO STAY NEUTRALLY BOUYANT. Because everyone has giving up on trying to help me float. I am tired of fighting, WHY? FOR WHAT? WHAT IS THERE TO FIGHT FOR? I am tired of the only people who want to help others are those who are also in pain, since the rest of them are unempathic psychopathic cunts. I am tired of giving people chances and overlooking their flaws. I am tired of of being tired all the time because I am never hungry and thus the lack of calories makes me tired. I am tired of being a little *****. I am tired of people thinking that I don’t know how evil they truly are. I am tired of these people not realizing that I am probably the only person who has truly overlooked their flaws and that that is no reason to torment me. I am tired of idiots who i actually hate thinking that I do like them just because unlike their cunty shitty selves, I can be polite to those who I hate and don’t act upon my hate. I am tired of knowing that I am a bastard child of two people who could’ve been sooo succesful had they not been idiots and had sex with out strings attatched. These idiods gave me the worst sicknesses of them all, life and by doing so and bringing me to this specific world they condemned me to death. I don’t understand why they decided mating was a good idea. My mother was SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT. Of all the men she could’ve chosen the one they told her no. I hope she’s happy now, because I sure as hell am not… and I let her know it every time I get the chance. I can’t say I love you anymore. I no longer feel that way. My uncle who kinda had a brain, rancorous till death hates my mother, but “loves me”. That fucker thought he played me into giving him part of my inheritance. If only he knew that as soon as he had the nerve to try to trick me, I deleted him from my love list along with my parents. Ironically, my little cousin, his daughter is probably the only person besides my first friend, that I love. If I wasn’t a fucking fag, I would’ve been with her. I am sick of preferring men over women to a 99 percentile, mainly because I am too much of a chicken shit pussywillow (lol) to make moves on girls. I’m tired of not being cute enough for anyone who I like. I am tired of being so god damned shallow. I am tired of being so stupid. I am tired of me and the circumstances that sorround me. I’m done.
Autism has destroyed my life ever since I was a child and it doesn’t seem like a cure is anywhere in the near future. My whole life I’ve had great hopes and dreams, to become a historian and travel the world. On the outside I am living that dream. I just graduated from ASU summa cum laude with a 4.o, prestigious universities are offering me scholarships for grad school, and now I am living in Bulgaria, one of the countries I’ve always loved studying and next month I will be travelling to Serbia, another country of interest. It all sounds so great, but I’ve had a problem even basically communicating with others my whole life because I can’t read body language, I can’t form the right words (no matter what I say it’s always the wrong thing and people are really cruel when it comes to correcting me). I could barely even keep a minimum wage job through school because simple fucking questions that anyone else in the world could answer without hesitation confuse my worthless retarded shriveled piece of shit brain.
My #1 coping mechanism has been to punch myself in the mouth as hard as I can possibly stand every time I say something even remotely wrong, especially if people are mean to me about it. I fucking hate when people ask me questions. I get so confused and my head hurts, even if it’s an easy question to answer, to the point I get hostile until people stop asking me things, which isn’t fair to them. I’ve hit my jaw so much that it’s dislodged and my right ear is permanently damaged; if I even touch it it makes a loud roaring sound and my hearing has decreased noticeably. I’ve chipped teeth and have developed TMJ, which only makes life more pleasant. This is because I’m such a retard I thought it’d have less permanently effects than cutting.
I’m too stupid too communicate with anyone here in Bulgaria and have severe panic attacks whenever I try. I’m too stupid to talk to people in English, so I don’t know what delusion overcame me to think I could possibly contact anyone here in Bulgarian. I’m too stupid to figure out how public transportation works so I can’t really visit anything outside of Sofia. I can hardly even visit anything within Sofia because I am too stupid to follow basic directions and people keep making fun of me for it instead of helping me when I ask. My host has been nice, but he has a whole life outside of me. I feel like I came here for nothing and my dreams are dying around me.
I’m living proof that great grades has nothing to do with intelligence. I’d give anything to at least be average intelligence with average grades. All my grades prove is that I don’t have a life and have plenty of time to memorize shit and edit essays. That’s literally all it says about me. Yet people see my accolades and over-estimate my intelligence constantly and I am fucking SICK of it!!! They keep telling me “you just don’t believe in yourself” when I have REAL disabilities that make it difficult for me to complete daily tasks. I guess I’m just too “”high functioning”” for them to see that.
I’m a girl and every support group I see regarding depression and self-harm has to do with self image. I truly feel for women who have these issues, I really do, but I don’t care what I look like and don’t need support to improve my body image. I need support to improve my image about my mind, but no one seems to acknowledge that girls who hate themselves because of their brains exist.
I’m due to come home from Serbia on October 27, 2016. I would love to stay and teach English and study the country, but I’m obviously not intelligent enough to live my dreams. I’m too stupid to have kids too which I very much want. Besides, I don’t want them to inherit this life destroying disease… So in short, on October 27, I’m going to finally end my life. I won’t have anything to look forward to after that. I know my parents won’t like it but I quite frankly don’t care because they’ve told me I am not allowed to move back in despite the fact I’m too stupid to keep even a basic job. If I don’t kill myself I’ll end up homeless. I’d rather be dead.
Have ever just felt worthless and hated by everyone?? It’s the worst feeling ever apart from heartbreak.. I’ve felt like no one wants me here.. I’m always sad and or angry at myself for no apparent reason.. Sometimes it’ll be because the way I laugh, or how i look when i smile.. Yeah Ik, those are idiotic reasons to be angry with yourself with. Or it was because some bully calling me names or telling me to do things, like telling me I should go kill myself.. I tried to kill myself before.. When my best friend told me i should do the world a favor and kill myself.. That was the first time I attempted suicide, but obviously failed. Im writing this because all of those feelings i felt in the past, I’m feeling now… Sad, angry, worthless, hated, depressed.. Everything.. I don’t know how to cope with them.. Except for self-injury.. I know I shouldn’t do that to myself so imma try and hold back on that..
I’m sorry for the demon I’ve become.
You should be sorry for the angel you are not.
I wonder how its gonna be when I don’t wake up.
Some words when spoken can’t be taken back.
I’m becoming more and more comfortable with the idea.
Everything is ready. Except for my family. I don’t want any one to miss me. Not like they will anyway. If I was still jumping, this would be so much easier. Blame it on a chute failure. Pour me from my boots and into a grave.
Now the biggest enemy I face is myself. I’ve got a fairly reliable method for self-disposal. One that has proved to be the most suitable for me.
Emotionless emptiness loneliness listlessness
The unit I was assigned to has a ritual.
One round of the caliber of ammunition that you fire, an expended shell from your mirror, and a triple shot of your favorite drink. Arrange the items on a table. Say what needs to be. Then crossover.
I’m in my blues. Sitting at my table. On the table is one round of hornady 357sig hp, my favorite round. One expended casing of 7.62×39 fmj. As well as a full bottle of Johnny Walker blue label. Pandora is tuned to some incoherent noise, loud enough to muffle the sound of my silent pleas. The concept of eternal slumber is appealing.
I will ablige to the requests from schism and spiral out.
I just feel defeated by life and at this point I’m seriously considering suicide. I’ve been dealing with suicidal thoughts six years now but I feel so overwhelmed now by my life. Everybody thinks I’m of no importance and I’m threatened and ridiculed and bullied because I’m an effeminate guy and more so my mother seems uncomfortable to be seen in public with me. nothing is left for me but death and rest
- Life… a thing I undestood abt it is… its though… not only mine but everyones… b ut the thing is that.. I cnt handel it… I m m weak.. I cnt face it anymore…I show evryone hw strong I m .. but I m a coward… I cnt evn handel a small heart break. .. I m worthless…. lowest of the form… I shuld die.. but I m evn scared to die.. I m so pathetic… sory to waste you time… just wanted atlest one person to knw this.. dont knw why.. just wanted…
I want it and I would use it in a mila sec …..I am absolutely emotionally confused ..numb sad hopless … .worthless….with constant fear of things my parents might do and how quickly I will use I that perfume if I had it .
I hate every one… my parents are playing good cop bad cop when there both psychos…inculeding my in laws my husband is still asleep sooo helpfull…(my mother just texted me do trust anyone )
Got it momma my life is shit but hey guess what my husband wont listen tooo yous ..
They get mad because i dont call them but when I do its a threat or an ultimatum. Idk I wanna drop dead .
…I haven’t posted in a while, and that’s becouse I’ve been trying to be happy and stay happy. But why do I always end up at the starting point, feeling worthless and tired? This deppression suffocates me, it’s not letting go. Sharp knife rests on my wrist begging to slice it open! I know I shouldn’t do it. Trying to restrain myself….but it feels so good! The pain is addictive, the blood is beautiful! I’m afraid of what people will think of me if I tell them how I feel. Will they think I’m weird and insane? Am I weird? Am I insane?
This made sence .
Find myself repeating to my old habit. To be alone secluding myself keeping away from others. Not Wanting to talk to anyone . Constantly being angry all the time when others are playing and having just outside my room I sit in bed try to ignore them and I try to go to sleep but instead I just think of how useless how worthless nothing unhappy how sad I am and feel bad for a worthless piece of piece of shit that I am . I’ve been this way and maybe three or four years I don’t understand how I reverted to such a dark place so quickly a short. Time ago I was ok
Told my family im on the west coast. they did what I thought they would freak out threatened me again threaten to break my marriage again .
Im tired If im being played for a fool let me be played mom and dad . I am a worthless fool . let me die in life mentally emotionally, physically. Im tired of fighting my father siad hell see me in two weeks . I might end it then he gave me my time slot the 9th still stands I guess.
I feel so much sadness I dont now if Im just feel bad for myslef and cowardice about my life that what my sister told me Or if just crazy liky what my mother law says I feel so worthless and useless.
i’m really really really really mad rn
i hate those kids who condemn others for wanting to die
saying they’re too weak and that they are ungrateful with life and with their parents yada yada yada
well you know what, kids, if you feel you’re helping, YOU’RE NOT.
you’re just making them feel more worthless and make them want to die even more. good job. why aren’t you dead instead.
i’m sorry i’m just too mad at everyone right now
I know this for many years but I constantly forget it. When I was 16 I wrote a poem about wearing a perfect mask being perfect on the out side as I died inside.
And I forgot that all I am is a doll for famliy do what they want when they want it. My husband I am toy for I enjoyment that’s all ,my in-laws A robot.
I should be dead the amout of Close calls should have left me dead .
But I realized a long time ago I am worthless shell who has to be dead inside to make everyone happy. Cry myself to sleep and hate the morning sky.
Its not like I haven’t tried to make myself happy but its not worth it. my role in this world is to suffer internally while my mask is perfect.
I am worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless worthless. Why shuold i die when i can suffer everyday and one day when I die ill probably suffer there too..
I wish I was dead but im meant to suffer Im.forcing myself to go live with his family in lake tahoe and eat there shit because thats what I ment to do im not fighting anymore.
I will die inside i wont say a word I will be the they want a toy to throw aroud hollow no feelings dead . no matter what